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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think his behaviour was unreasonable..

40 replies

lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 13:51

Me and DH are profoundly deaf and have vibrating monitors that go off when our children awake during the night. We have 2 sons, our youngest is 15 weeks, 10 corrected.

Last night we went to bed at 9.30 and were woken up at 10.30 - I can't remember if DH woke up or I woke up, he had the alarm pager on him and his Cochlea (hearing aid) on so he can hear the baby as he was doing first shift. I got the baby out of his Moses basket as he was crying and the pager kept going off saying that someone was at the door.

I went downstairs and it was pitch black, there was a shadow of a man and I didn't have my hearing aids on but I could hear him shouting. So I rang upstairs and DH went down. It was the next door neighbour who had been kicking the door, throwing stones at our windows, shouting at us and repeatedly pressing the doorbell as the baby had been crying for an hour and we hadn't woken up as the alarm must have defaulted and DH cochlea fell off. The neighbour was threatening to call the police and shouting at DH. The windows are caked in mud. The other neighbours were trying to calm him down and said they heard the sound of breaking glass and he was going mental/psycho outside the house. My other son woke up terrified and when everything calmed down we all slept together in our bed.

Obviously I felt awful and still do that the baby was crying for that long but was his behaviour an overreaction? And what would you do now? I feel on edge and haven't let the baby out of my sight since.

Sorry for any typos.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 28/09/2015 13:55

Yes he massively overreacted! Did he break anything? (You mentioned that your other neighbours heard glass breaking?) If there is damage to your property - and I would think mud on the windows is bad enough - you should log it with the police. It's a good idea to have it on record just in case anything happens again.

Hobbes8 · 28/09/2015 13:55

He sounds awful. Even if you'd woken up and were tending to your baby, he still might have been crying. Babies do that.

MrsP777x · 28/09/2015 13:56

Does your neighbour have any drug/alcohol problems? Are you relatively close to this neighbour? Damaging your house is not okay unless there was serious and genuine concern for all your safety... Like say your house was on fire or something.
Even if the baby was crying for that long, how did your neighbour know the baby was crying due to you not knowing? Babies can cry for ages for a number of reasons.

Check your house for any damage and ask him to pay for any of it. The fact your other neighbours had to calm him down makes me think there's something else involved with this.

Hugs xxx Flowers

SaucyJack · 28/09/2015 13:57

Does your neighbour know you are both deaf?

NameChange30 · 28/09/2015 13:57

Does your neighbour know that you both have hearing impairments?

Hobbes8 · 28/09/2015 13:58

Also, if you'd only been in bed an hour then the baby couldn't have been crying for an hour. How old is your other child? Does he have normal hearing? Presumably he would have woken up to the baby crying also? I think your neighbour is lying to you.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 28/09/2015 13:58

How horrible. Are you ok? That sounds really frightening.

Sighing · 28/09/2015 13:59

That is an over reaction, babies CAN cry for over an hour at times. Definitely report the behaviour. Don't deal with him (unless he appears to apologise profusely) to explain, he sounds awful.

PaleBlueDot · 28/09/2015 13:59

his behaviour was not only unreasonable, but boody well appalling! Shock

I would certainly be complaining about your neighbours behaviour.

Regardless of whether you were sleeping or not - babies cry!

Jackie0 · 28/09/2015 14:00

Oh my God , that sounds terrifying.
What on earth was he thinking ?
I would advise logging this with the police also.
How dare he do this.

Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:02

He knows we're both deaf - most people on the street know we're deaf. DH was worried that he'd report us for neglect but I said he would look silly ringing the police saying a baby has been crying for over an hour. That's why I don't want to ring the police and surely they'll say why didn't you wake up and he could play the I was concerned card rather than I'm an arsehole.

I've checked and I can't see any broken glass - haven't been out of the house today when I go and pick up DS from the CMs will check the outside. He's outside at the moment drilling at the front of his house.

OP posts:
blibblobblub · 28/09/2015 14:06

Oh my goodness, are you all ok? If anyone needs the police calling on them it's him!

Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:06

DS1 is just turned 2 - he sometimes sleeps through the crying so not reliable. We did ask the nice neighbours and they said DS2 was crying for over an hour but that baby's do cry.

I have contacted the council to see if they can sort the equipment out - check it over if it is faulty. I checked it this morning and it was working. I will be sleeping with my hearing aids in tonight as they can't fall out like DHs cochlea.

OP posts:
blibblobblub · 28/09/2015 14:07

Also, my baby has cried for an hour before - all babies do! It doesn't mean you're not there comforting them.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 14:08

Unresonable? Bloody hell if only thats all he was.
This could actually be classed as a hate crime, im sure of it :( so sorry for you both this must have really shaken your confidence but please dont let it, hes just a boorish idiot please dont let him think you did anything wrong

NameChange30 · 28/09/2015 14:11

"That's why I don't want to ring the police and surely they'll say why didn't you wake up and he could play the I was concerned card rather than I'm an arsehole."

You and your DH did nothing wrong. It was unfortunate that one of you didn't wake up sooner but these things happen and your baby won't have come to any harm.

There are witnesses: your other neighbours. So if you report it to the police and he denies everything, they can ask the other neighbours.

You are not going to get into any trouble over this, please believe us!

Oh and the fact that he knows you're both deaf makes it even worse. His actions constitute harassment and intimidation, not to mention criminal damage if he did break anything.

Do you feel too intimidated to go out when he's there?

Have you checked all the windows from the inside?

Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:13

Earlier someone mentioned drugs - the tenants definitely do weed as my plumber when we first moved in could smell it. He's the landlord who has moved back into the property - the other neighbours have called him a stoner before so if he was high it wouldn't surprise me. Everyone else on the street is lovely - just our luck we had to live next to the worse house on the street.

I did think it could be classified as a hate crime but seems a bit extreme. Normally with us he's fine, just a bit weird.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 28/09/2015 14:15

Does your baby sleep in his Moses basket next to your bed?

Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:19

Yes he does. The monitor is 20cms away from him. I didn't have my hearing aids on as they're very uncomfortable to sleep with in.

OP posts:
Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:21

I've checked all the windows from the inside and I do feel too intimidated to go outside when he's there.

OP posts:
Stripyhoglets · 28/09/2015 14:22

Can you ask your nice neighbours to ring you if the baby cries for a long time at night - assume your phone also has a vibrating alarm - just in case of the alarm not working again. I would report this to the police tbh. What a horrible thing to do.

Rainuntilseptember · 28/09/2015 14:22

Your nicer neighbours have confirmed that the baby cried for over an hour - so you can't have gone to bed at 9.30 and been awakened at 10.30. Your neighbour reacted in a very angry and extreme way, but no one would want a newborn to cry that long without being attended to.

Getting the equipment fixed seems an immediate priority. Is there a way to have a back-up for the back-up, as this shouldn't keep happening. Do you have a smoke alarm on the same system or is it separate?

NameChange30 · 28/09/2015 14:22

Oh dear, how awful that he has made you feel too intimidated to go outside your own house Sad For that reason I really think you should report it to the police.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/09/2015 14:25

Oh god your neighbour was unbelievably out of order. if he was concerned for the baby he'd have called the police to check you and dh were ok. not throw stones and mud and act like a dick head cos a baby acted like a baby.

you sound like you have a set up that o's perfectly adequate for ensuring you are attentive parents to your children and it's not your fault that they mal functioned that night.

an hour is nothing babies cry for longer sometimes and he had no reason to think you weren't dealing with it at that point. he was being selfish.

you poor thing Flowers

Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:30

I've just checked their messages and they said thereabouts. The message time is 10.50 and I texted after things calmed down. I know a newborn shouldn't cry for that long. At first I was convinced it couldn't have been him as when he cries he has tears and his face was dry and he calmed very quickly but it was.

Both sets of neighbours have our phone number and we sleep with them under our pillows. I have already said to the neighbours if he cries for that long again to ring us and we will wake up.

The smoke alarm is on the same system. This has never happened before and we've used the same system was our first born.

OP posts:
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