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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think his behaviour was unreasonable..

40 replies

lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 13:51

Me and DH are profoundly deaf and have vibrating monitors that go off when our children awake during the night. We have 2 sons, our youngest is 15 weeks, 10 corrected.

Last night we went to bed at 9.30 and were woken up at 10.30 - I can't remember if DH woke up or I woke up, he had the alarm pager on him and his Cochlea (hearing aid) on so he can hear the baby as he was doing first shift. I got the baby out of his Moses basket as he was crying and the pager kept going off saying that someone was at the door.

I went downstairs and it was pitch black, there was a shadow of a man and I didn't have my hearing aids on but I could hear him shouting. So I rang upstairs and DH went down. It was the next door neighbour who had been kicking the door, throwing stones at our windows, shouting at us and repeatedly pressing the doorbell as the baby had been crying for an hour and we hadn't woken up as the alarm must have defaulted and DH cochlea fell off. The neighbour was threatening to call the police and shouting at DH. The windows are caked in mud. The other neighbours were trying to calm him down and said they heard the sound of breaking glass and he was going mental/psycho outside the house. My other son woke up terrified and when everything calmed down we all slept together in our bed.

Obviously I felt awful and still do that the baby was crying for that long but was his behaviour an overreaction? And what would you do now? I feel on edge and haven't let the baby out of my sight since.

Sorry for any typos.

OP posts:
ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 28/09/2015 14:32

My neighbours have a 10 week old who often cries. It's what they do. Most people would never dream of the antisocial agressive behaviour in response to a baby.

KevinAndMe · 28/09/2015 14:36

I don't tend to go over board and give that sort of advice but I think you need to keep a record of what has happened last nigth.

It is NOT acceptable for anyone to shout and threaten people and generally scare them so much that they don't dare going out of their own house. If this happerns again, please contact the Police!

And YY about checking the equipment but I'm sure that you will wo anyone on here telling you that :)
And there was nothing wrong about a newborn crying for an hour. Yes it's awful but no one could know if your baby doesn't have reflux or whatever and you have spent an hoour trying to calm them down.
Beside, it's not as if you were purposefully ignoring him either.

Rainuntilseptember · 28/09/2015 14:39

No one was tending to the baby. This was a one-off and a complete accident, no blame attached at all, but to say it's the same as someone walking round and round with a colicky baby in their arms trying to settle it is just not true. What if there had been a fire; the actions of the neighbour might have saved lives.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/09/2015 14:40

presumably the medical professionals all know you are deaf?

if the midwives or hospital had any concerns about your ability to cope they'd have got people involved wouldn't they?

clearly, they are more than happy with your set up and can see that you are doing just fine with your two wonderful children.

don't let this man destroy your confidence or get you worried. Flowers

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 14:47

Chucking mud at windows and shouting his head of aggressively could have saved their life? Wow he must be a total hero

Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:53

Every man, woman and their dog knows we're deaf. We're both successful professionals so it has shaken me and made me realise just how vulnerable we are once our aids stop working.

I take the point that as a fair comment if there had been a fire - we only woke up once the alarm decided to start working again and then I saw that the doorbell was going off too. He has our phone numbers so could have texted us.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 28/09/2015 14:55

If there was a fire your neighbour could have called 999. This is not the same at all.

Penfold007 · 28/09/2015 14:55

Your neighbour overreacted. That said it has been confirmed that the baby was crying for over an hour and you were both unaware. We had neighbours who were both profoundly deaf and frequently slept through their babies crying for extended periods at night, it is frustrating and can be annoying.
This link may be useful, it's a baby monitor with a vibrating under pillow pad and flashing alarm
www.accessmagazine.co.uk/now-hear-solution-hearing-impaired-parents/

I do have a lot of empathy for your situation as I have family members who have profound hearing loss. My MIL uses a flashing/vibrating fire alarm at night.

Original poster
lightgreenglass · 28/09/2015 14:59

Thanks for the link - I have the pad and flashing light too.

I've decided to report it police just to record the incident as as a household there have been other incidents but that I won't be asking them to speak to him or anything like that. DH will go round and speak to them tonight when he gets home from work.

OP posts:
Rainuntilseptember · 28/09/2015 15:02

If he has your phone numbers then his behaviour is very strange - that would be the first thing he should've tried surely?

Lurkedforever1 · 28/09/2015 15:07

Your neighbour is a twat. That isn't the behavior of somebody acting from concern and trying to alert you, it's the behavior of a loon.
One of my neighbours had a very colicky baby and the first time I heard it crying continuously, then heard the toddler wake up and join in for a good 20 mins, I did go to knock on. Purely because I knew the partner worked nights and neither baby had ever been left crying for so long, and certainly not the toddler. So out of concern something had happened to the mum I was going to knock, and if no answer try ringing, calling her etc, however I then saw movement through the window and realised the mum was fine and went back in. It didn't cross my mind that shouting abuse was a good way to express concern.

MrsP777x · 28/09/2015 15:17

How is flinging mud at the windows being a concerned neighbour? That's being a nuisance and also a vandal.

There isn't any excuse for this behaviour at all. How terrifying for you all. I'd be mentioning to the police about the suspected weed too. You never know if that drug is linked to his behaviour.

My ds suffered with colic terribly and could cry for long periods of time, never have I had a neighbour react this way. He didn't act concerned at all, he acted crazy. Especially if your other neighbours were trying to calm him down.
I'm surprised none of them called the police!

BlahBlahUsername · 28/09/2015 15:57

What if there had been a fire; the actions of the neighbour might have saved lives.

Yeah, throwing mud at windows works great to rouse a profoundly deaf sleeping couple. Mud throwing suggests to me that he was just being a dick...

Anniegetyourgun · 28/09/2015 16:05

Exactly, BlahBlah, because the sound of mud hitting a window is MUCH louder than the cry of a baby, of course Hmm

I vote "dick" too.

Lurkedforever1 · 28/09/2015 19:05

I would have thought the most compelling evidence for neighbour- knob not banging and shouting to possibly save lives in a fire, is the fact there was no fucking fire!

That's like me going and putting a brick through the neighbours porch, and then saying 'ah yes, but if you were knocked unconscious I may have saved your life'

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