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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it cos he's French?! Pissed off when he cancels a date without rescheduling

66 replies

Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 11:52

Hello, gonna air this one... I met a guy (French in case that makes a difference) 3 months ago and we have had in total 8 dates. I was on holiday, he on holiday, both have demanding jobs and social lives. I am getting to the point where I'd like to see him a bit more than every 2 weeks. We both obviously like each other. We met on the Internet and have deleted dating apps (I suggested this last weekend) and are seeing each other exclusively.

Mainly I have waited for him to suggest dates. But the last two I suggested (I wanted something booked in to arrange my calendar). Both times now he has cancelled last minute without rescheduling - first was he didn't realise the rugby he was going to was in the evening (and forgot to tell me), second he had to go to Paris last minute with work. He still said to meet once he got back but in the end his meeting went on really long so we had to cancel.

No apology, no reschedule. He said he would have loved to see me but work busy, it will get quieter in a week.

So I haven't messaged him for over a day, thinking he should come to me and schedule something in right? Or am I blowing out of proportion and send him something cute so he thinks I'm not mad? Help :(

OP posts:
Branleuse · 27/09/2015 15:21

you arre ze mistrezzz

Branleuse · 27/09/2015 15:23

my partner is french and I dont think hes ever treated me like that. Maybe hes from a different region ;)

Stillunexpected · 27/09/2015 15:36

Moving on doesn't mean you need to be seeing someone else! You can move on by just not seeing him - and leave going back on the dating apps for a while!

Tulip1011 · 30/09/2015 22:19

Thrilling update! Eventually he arranged to see me this weekend. Very busy with work apparently. Will see how it goes..

OP posts:
ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 30/09/2015 22:31

Ah yay! Hope it goes well!

Fairenuff · 01/10/2015 08:07

Eventually? He managed to fit you in to his busy life?

Don't you want more than that OP or are you going to be happy with a boyfriend that can only see you once a fortnight, can't find a few spare minutes in his day to call you and will ditch you for a more attractive proposition, like watching rugby? Oh, and of course, will not apologise for any of this because he knows he's more important than you.

I would tell him to jog on tbh.

patienceisvirtuous · 01/10/2015 08:34

I'm with fairenuff, you can do better than that.

LittleLionMansMummy · 01/10/2015 08:40

If you're having to do all the chasing then he's probably still not that into you. It has nothing to do with his Frenchness either, which is a bizarre connection to make Confused

Theycallmemellowjello · 01/10/2015 08:43

I have never dated a French person but lived in Paris for a while and have a bunch of French female friends, from whom I do get the impression that there are huge differences in how French and English people approach dating. In my experience French people prefer to preserve a lot more distance and mystery for a lot longer in the relationship. So I don't think it's ridiculous to suggest that cultural differences could be causing misunderstanding. Also, does this French man work in finance? I reckon if so that could make a difference -- if he works crazy city hours seeing you infrequently could be less of a bad sign. If you're getting pissed off at the dynamic, I'd ditch him. But if you like him I think you should have an honest talk with him to clarify the position.

ihatethecold · 01/10/2015 08:49

He's got you hanging on a string op!

BoboChic · 01/10/2015 08:53

In France, women set the agenda in relationships. I cannot emphasise this enough. If you don't organise and manage your relationship your French BF/DP/DH will think you don't care about him.

Lweji · 01/10/2015 09:25

I'd take it slowly and see how things go.
But I wouldn't stop looking completely until I felt sure enough about the relationship.
Ultimately he may be into you, but without much free time. It will depend on how you feel about it and whether he starts integrating you more into his life or not.

noeffingidea · 01/10/2015 09:36

OP, why didn't you say you were busy when he called? At least play him at his own game.
Or just move on and look for someone who doesn't play games.

squishee · 01/10/2015 09:59

Ok but to move on I need the dating apps back

Since when is OLD the only way? IME it's a good way to meet flakey ones like him. Try Meetup instead.

And no, it's not about his being French Hmm

Good luck with it, anyway.

Starkswillriseagain · 01/10/2015 19:03

Good luck OP. Set yourself boundaries, when it comes to giving him chances. I have a feeling he may be perplexing you like this for a while.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 11/11/2015 08:37

How did it work out OP?

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