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Original poster

Is it cos he's French?! Pissed off when he cancels a date without rescheduling

66 replies

Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 11:52

Hello, gonna air this one... I met a guy (French in case that makes a difference) 3 months ago and we have had in total 8 dates. I was on holiday, he on holiday, both have demanding jobs and social lives. I am getting to the point where I'd like to see him a bit more than every 2 weeks. We both obviously like each other. We met on the Internet and have deleted dating apps (I suggested this last weekend) and are seeing each other exclusively.

Mainly I have waited for him to suggest dates. But the last two I suggested (I wanted something booked in to arrange my calendar). Both times now he has cancelled last minute without rescheduling - first was he didn't realise the rugby he was going to was in the evening (and forgot to tell me), second he had to go to Paris last minute with work. He still said to meet once he got back but in the end his meeting went on really long so we had to cancel.

No apology, no reschedule. He said he would have loved to see me but work busy, it will get quieter in a week.

So I haven't messaged him for over a day, thinking he should come to me and schedule something in right? Or am I blowing out of proportion and send him something cute so he thinks I'm not mad? Help :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 12:34

I've been single nearly a year. I suppose I would want him to know the reasons for my actions. In case he has been playing it cool and/or genuinely been too busy. Maybe he would step up his game if he realised I was annoyed. (Perhaps a little hopeful). I do actually like him :-/ we are very into each other when we do meet up.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 27/09/2015 12:35

I agree with pp about keeping your hanging on. It takes seconds to send "cute" messages while you bolster his ego by hanging around waiting for him. He would have made time if he wanted to, no question.
Give him a couple of days, if he hasn't bothered to contact you then move on. If he questions the apps, be honest, say that it's clear he hasn't got time for a relationship and that you are looking for different things in life. You don't need to argue or fall out over it.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 27/09/2015 12:36

Eek... Any way you could maybe just ask him straight up?

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 12:36

As an aside, he has been single about 8 years. With one semi-serious girlfriend somewhere in that. I sense dating seriously does not come too naturally to him

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 27/09/2015 12:38

You do not owe him an explanation.
Do not contact him again and if you haven't heard anything in a few days write him off.
If he likes you he will contact you. No one is too busy to send a text.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 12:39

If I asked him straight up - he would prob say he likes me, he's not seeing anyone else, he's busy. Thank you TheWitTank I will follow your advice. I expect he will contact me today or tomorrow but probably just chat not arrangements...well let's see.

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Justaboy · 27/09/2015 12:40

Umm for the avoidance of doubt. Are you in England and is he in France most of the time or are you Both in the same country ?.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 12:42

Oh we both live in london. For work he occasionally goes to Paris (for the day! There's no wife and kids lol)

OP posts:
specialsubject · 27/09/2015 12:43

modern times...

you haven't heard from him so assume he doesn't want to know. What dating apps you have on your phone are your business.

he's not that interested. Pull up your dignity and move on.

Starkswillriseagain · 27/09/2015 12:43

Of course he would, because it keeps you hoping and having low expectations. This man is all talk and no action. He would step up his game most likely, for a brief time and then you'd be right back here.

riverboat1 · 27/09/2015 12:45

I don't think it's a French thing (I live in France and have a French DP) - I think it's just a 'certain type of guy' thing...

HazleNutt · 27/09/2015 12:49

So work will be quieter in a week, he says - I might give him a week then, before cutting the losses. I've had weeks when a quick text is all I have time for. But would keep using the dating apps - unless you have agreed not to and that you're exclusively dating, it's only reasonable to keep the options open.

Fairenuff · 27/09/2015 12:50

If I asked him straight up - he would prob say he likes me, he's not seeing anyone else, he's busy.

Well then tell him 'straight up' that you are looking for someone who is not too busy to see you, so it seems that you're not compatible after all.

Call it a day. If he wants you, he'll make time for you.

TwoInTheMourning · 27/09/2015 12:51

It's because you're English

DixieNormas · 27/09/2015 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 13:01

Grin good one

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Original poster
Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 13:02

Ok thanks. One week! And then I'm back on the market Wink

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Crazykittensmile · 27/09/2015 13:02

I'm going to go against other posters and say give him another chance. It sounds like he has been busy and had reasonable excuses for cancelling on you.

You like him. Up to now you had reason to believe he likes you and you enjoy spending time together. I wouldn't throw that away just yet, particularly as by his own admission he is busy and will have more availability in a week.

Give him that week. See if he reschedules - you're obviously on his mind if he is sending you cute messages. If you genuinely want this to work I would reply and chat to him as normal but maybe do leave the ball in his court in terms of meeting up.

But don't jump to the conclusion he doesn't like you just yet - sometimes work and other commitments can get in the way of other things we'd like to be doing. He may just be making an excuse because he's not that into you but if he says he's busy give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion and the chance to reschedule in a week or so.

Obviously if he doesn't get in touch to reschedule or if his cancelling and being too busy becomes a recurring theme it may be time to conclude he's not interested but I wouldn't be assuming that just yet.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 13:09

I'm with Crazykittensmile here, my eldest daughter works down the smoke and her life is hectic enough without the complications of dating.

So he's gotta be en le quartier français AKA south ken so pretty central not that physically away from most all London?.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 27/09/2015 13:46

He lives in East london I'm south which is a bit of a pain. The reason I brought up the French thing was because he told me that French people are exclusive immediately and build relationships slowly, ie seeing each other every few weeks. But perhaps that is more his style than a French culture per se

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Starkswillriseagain · 27/09/2015 13:51

I think that's more his style OP, some people prefer that, then French culture.

Question is what do you want? To be exclusive or to be a bit freer and see what happens? If you are happy, that's great but you need to be firm with yourself if he continues this and not let him play you.

riverboat1 · 27/09/2015 14:06

I think it's sort of true in France that from a second date onwards, it is assumed neither of you is seeing anyone else. OTOH I don't know about this 'building relationships slowly' - that has not been my experience or what I have perceived in general here.

I think there's a fair bit of truth in this blogpost, but of course everyone is different! davidplusworld.com/how-to-date-a-french-man/

Starkswillriseagain · 27/09/2015 14:18

Really? I must admit my experience isn't dating but being friends with. One was married recently and well into dating when we met. The other two were serial daters (one a player) so figured it was just a line!

malaguena · 27/09/2015 14:29

I'm French and I agree he's just not that into you, sorry. That has nothing to to with being French. I do think people tend to be exclusive straight away in France but that doesn't make any difference. I would be offended if someone cancelled an appointment at the last minute to 'watch rugby'... Just move on, he doesn't look like he's making any effort.

Justaboy · 27/09/2015 15:11

malaguena Ah but he's in England so he's probably going to do as le anglais do as it's said about Rome;!