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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit weird (wedding related)?

40 replies

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 21:41

My first cousin got married today. I wasn't invited, which is fair enough really as I am not close to my cousin, and have never even met the girl he's marrying.

So I wasn't invited to the wedding, or the evening do, but I was invited to a 'buffet lunch' at my aunt and uncle's house tomorrow to celebrate the marriage.

I genuinely can't go but AIBU to think it's all a bit odd, I may be as I'm not very clued up when it comes to weddings, but it's made me feel like a bit of a C-lister. Fair enough to not invite me at all, but this seems to almost make a point of the fact I wasn't invited! Would I have had to have taken a present?!

Just for info, my dad and his dp were invited to the whole shebang, and one of my brothers was invited to the reception, my other 2 siblings were just on the C-list like me.

OP posts:
thehypocritesoaf · 26/09/2015 21:42

I kind of like this- a bottle of wine would do/have done.

mysteryfairy · 26/09/2015 21:44

Is the buffet lunch hosted by his parents and just covering their side of the family? If so I'd just take it as them showing you are important to them and find it quite sweet. They might well be sad you couldn't all be included and trying to make a nice gesture.

Spectre8 · 26/09/2015 21:44

Your not close to her so why are you even bothered about feeling like a c-lister Confused then you can't go to the bit you are invited to so to be honest if I were you I wouldn't even been giving it another thought really

Original poster
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 21:48

It is a male cousin, I'm not sure whether it's just for his side of the family or whether hers are going too.

OP posts:
SourceofInformation · 26/09/2015 21:49

I think it's your aunt and uncle telling you that you would have been invited if they'd had a say in the guest list and an excuse to get their family together.

Quite nice actually, but no need for a present, other than what you'd normally take for the host

RandomMess · 26/09/2015 21:50

My extend family is huge on both my parents side, no way could cousins invite everyone!

Family buffet to get together whilst most people were around is a lovely idea IMHO

TheOriginalWinkly · 26/09/2015 21:51

I also think that's quite nice.

Annunziata · 26/09/2015 21:52

I think that's lovely, actually.

Original poster
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 21:55

Ok IABU Smile

Feel quite bad that I can't go now!

OP posts:
thehypocritesoaf · 26/09/2015 21:56

Aw, send a nice card next week.

Original poster
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 21:57

I will do, definitely.

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 26/09/2015 21:59

Glad you've seen it that way, OP, I also thought it was a nice gesture. I can sort of understand feeling C class, but coming from a massive family I see the practicalities and think its lovely. That's why I can't see a problem with evening only invitations. Though they are sometimes seen as an insult on here.

SavoyCabbage · 26/09/2015 21:59

My mum had a party at her house the day after my wedding and she invited all sorts or people. She did it firstly as my new in laws had come from overseas so we wanted lots of things going on before they went home and also because she couldn't have had everyone she wanted at the wedding.

MammaTJ · 26/09/2015 22:00

I think it's your aunt and uncle telling you that you would have been invited if they'd had a say in the guest list and an excuse to get their family together.

This!

Starkswillriseagain · 26/09/2015 22:01

Sounds more like the parents are wanting to include everyone then the B&G. I'd just take a bottle of wine, which I would for anyone hosting something, and a card.

Original poster
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 22:03

We're not a massive family at all, but like I say I have no idea about the girl he's married, she could be one of ten siblings, and I guess it was probably her family paying for the wedding (it's still quite old fashioned like that in this rural backwater).

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 26/09/2015 22:15

My parents did that after I got married, apparently it was the party of the century Smile. We come from a large family, not immediate but I have tonnes of cousins, none of them were invited to the wedding, a few came to the evening do - yes we had separate invites. More came to the BBQ piss up at my mums. None brought presents or anything. Tbh it's pretty standard where I am.

Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 26/09/2015 22:26

Totally normal in my family, my mum is one of ten - each aunt and uncle have at least thre kids who now have their own. Usually the cousin with closest relationship gets the invite and then there is a big family party piss up the next day or day after.

PressTheAButton · 26/09/2015 22:31

I think it's a nice idea too. I'm glad you have changed your opinion.

It's got nothing to do with c-listers.

I'd send a wee card.

Original poster
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 22:31

Ok, it is normal not weird! I told you I was clueless when it comes to weddings Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 22:36

I shouldn't have listened to my dm (who never got on with that side of the family). She made me feel like it was a bit of an insult, so I'm glad I questioned it on here now. I was going to get married a few years back (but saw the light), and when I was talking about the guest list with my DM she said that I HAD to invite my first cousins, as that's the done thing. It probably was in her day but I guess times change.

In bed with a horrible lurgy which is why I told them I can't go but I'm hoping for a miracle recovery now so I can put in an appearance (clutching a bottle of wine).

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 26/09/2015 23:19

My mum was upset when I wasn't invited to my cousin's wedding. I did think it was a bit weird not to invite cousins when it was a big wedding and there were only 2 cousins but it just shows what they think of you I suppose.

I wouldn't particularly bother going unless there were other relatives going I'd quite like to see.

MakeItACider · 26/09/2015 23:22

I have over 50 first cousins.... there was no way in hell they were all getting an invite to my wedding!!!

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 26/09/2015 23:29

How the ruddy heck do end up with over 50 first cousins? I've only got 4! Hmm

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 26/09/2015 23:30

No, actually, 5 Blush