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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit weird (wedding related)?

40 replies

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 26/09/2015 21:41

My first cousin got married today. I wasn't invited, which is fair enough really as I am not close to my cousin, and have never even met the girl he's marrying.

So I wasn't invited to the wedding, or the evening do, but I was invited to a 'buffet lunch' at my aunt and uncle's house tomorrow to celebrate the marriage.

I genuinely can't go but AIBU to think it's all a bit odd, I may be as I'm not very clued up when it comes to weddings, but it's made me feel like a bit of a C-lister. Fair enough to not invite me at all, but this seems to almost make a point of the fact I wasn't invited! Would I have had to have taken a present?!

Just for info, my dad and his dp were invited to the whole shebang, and one of my brothers was invited to the reception, my other 2 siblings were just on the C-list like me.

OP posts:

katienana · 26/09/2015 23:33

I have 16 first cousins but my mum has over 50! Was standard to have 200+ wedding guests in her day.

MakeItACider · 26/09/2015 23:35

Parents both from fairly large families, a couple of the aunts and uncles have over 10 children each, it quickly ads up.

The actual number is slightly in dispute, my uncle doesn't believe one of his children is actually his. He's an arse (or was), anyway, but we don't know where that 'cousin' is. But we've reconnected with his other daughter, fortunately.

MakeItACider · 26/09/2015 23:36

I gave up trying to count the second cousins....

binbagbabe · 26/09/2015 23:40

Both my DM and DF were one of 7 so I have 30 odd cousins. I have no idea how many second cousins I have so if I ever marry again I think I would leave them off the list too ....

Sighing · 27/09/2015 06:10

I have a fairly large family, often together; this is a lovely idea as wedding guest lists are never going to be expansive enough.
I don't try to count 2nd/ once removed / steps etc. They're all 'cousins'. It's easier that way.

Spartans · 27/09/2015 06:26

I have over 50 full cousins. My mum was one 7, dad was one of 8 and all have had lots of kids. Mum and dad are the odd ones out because they only had 2.

When I got married mum made me invite them all. Lots live outside the UK so declined. I was 20 and didn't want a big wedding. I was young and thought it was the done thing. When dbro got married he only invited the ones he had anything to do with.

If I was getting married now I would tell mum no.

I think this is a nice thing to do though. It's basically saying it was down to numbers and budget. Not that they just didn't want you there.

LaLyra · 27/09/2015 06:38

All you need is parents to have had lots of siblings and the cousins keep on coming. DH has 23 first cousins from FIL's side alone. I haven't ever been able to count accurately on MIL's as her family is a bit disjointed, but it's at least 15.

Was/is your brother particularly close to your cousin? Something that could explain why he was invited when other cousins weren't?

A big family buffet sounds lovely. I hope you feel better in time for it.

blackteaplease · 27/09/2015 06:53

Glad to see you have changed your mind. Your mum sounds like a stirrer.

I didn't invite any cousins from my side to our wedding, I have more than I can count not including second cousins. Various family fueds have led to a disjointed family on both sides.

Dh on the other hand has 3 cousins and a close family so they were all invited.

LindyHemming · 27/09/2015 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 27/09/2015 08:45

Yep I think your Mum was stirring too!!!

Some of my cousins and their DC live close geographically and have more to do with each other. Who can afford to invite everyone regardless, why would you want virtual strangers as your wedding just because they are a blood relation?

Hope you got to go!

kiwimumof2boys · 27/09/2015 10:40

Yeah it's what I did the day after my wedding - got married in my home town so all out of towners who had come to wedding came to my mum's for a lunch, and a few of my cousins who didn't come to the wedding came along. (I have a heap pf cousins and couldn't invite them to wedding due to numbers). Was a very nice lunch aside from us all being hungover a lot of people I know have done it too.
Yeah your mum is a bit of a stirrer!

Original poster

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 27/09/2015 11:18

Still dying of the lurgy, so not going to be able to make it.

However, the plot thickens. I just spoke to my dad and asked him where the reception was. It was on my aunt and uncle's farm, and dad says there were 'hundreds' of people there. So it would seem that there weren't really any restrictions on numbers. Does this change anything?

The reason my brother got invited and the rest of us didn't is probably because he has stayed in the immediate local area that we grew up in, so sees our cousins around in the pubs etc, whereas the rest of us moved a bit further away (still less than half an hour's drive though).

OP posts:

blackteaplease · 27/09/2015 13:44

I don't think it does change anything. If you aren't in regular contact with them why would you go to their wedding? An informal family get together the day after sounds like a good compromise from the bride and groom.

Original poster

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 27/09/2015 14:07

I didn't really expect to be invited to the wedding but it sounds like the reception was a humungous piss up with no limits on space or numbers. They definitely are far from skint so money wouldn't have been an issue either.

OP posts:

ZestyDragon · 27/09/2015 14:33

I didn't invite all first cousins because I have over 50. I invited those I have a relationship with and no one is insulted. In fact people would be quite upset as it could set a precedent which people might feel they had to follow. This is how Irish weddings end up so big

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