Im being harassed by an elderly neighbor and nobody will help me

[PeacefulBeings]

Long rant sorry but i would appreciate if you read it:

I live in a housing association property, i am 24yrs old and im pregnant. Ever since i have moved here five months ago this man around 75 hasnt left me alone.
The second day i moved in he complained about me walking, he had a point because there was no floor. Within this conversation he also choose to inform me there is a "faggot" living upstairs and he doesnt get on with him. After he made this comment i told him i was busy and he had to leave.

The second day as soon as i pulled up my car he came outside half naked and doing up his trousers asking if i wanted a tea, i told him no and to not address me if he doesnt have clothes on.
He then after 5mins rang my bell to ask me if i need help. again i told him no. He did the same type of thing the next day
Since then it has been constant ringing my bell, watching me from the window, following me to the end of the road, staring up at my window and coming outside to a delivery man telling him "i dont answer the door to him"
and he has also come outside asking people who ring my door who they are and that im inside as my car is there.
He also flushes the toilet EVERY time im running a bath.

He is doing all this because i ignore him ringing my door and wont be his "friend"
The man upstairs told me he did the same to the last lady who lived here making up noise complaints and wanting to come inside her flat and know her life story.

Upstairs guy told me to his knowledge this elderly man never once complained when there was a guy living here, its only the females he seems to attack.
I also believe this to be true because there are some drunk lads across the road, always outside making noise on fridays and saturdays, not once have i heard him complain to them,
There are builders who sometimes start at 7am, not once has he complained about them
There is a young couple next door, sometimes they have parties and again no complaints
(i mean gone outside and rang their door like he does mine, i dont know if he has complained anonymously)
but he harasses me and stalks me.
This is again proof it is not about the noise, he has developed a bitterness and obsession to me because i dont want to know him.

HA and police both fog me off because he plays the im a poor elderly man card. He actually grabs his walking stick whenever he has them around but when they arent around he walks around normally.

I have a recording of him shouting up at my window at me, oh and he scratched my car, no proof just obvious.
Nobody will help me
just because someone is elderly why does that mean they can do what they want?

Im trying to get this sorted BEFORE my baby comes because if he starts with my baby crying ect there is going to be a massive problem with my childs dad who already wants to hurt him.
im trying to follow the correct procedure but nobody will help me.

I have bad aniexy problems and have a history of depression. I have just got my life back on track with being at uni and back to work as i was signed off for depression for about 12months but now dealing with this its tough and nobody will help me
and my mother passed away in may, i dont need this stress.

All i want is an injunction against him from preventing him contacting me or coming near me, Once i get this i can have him arrested if he does break it but nobody wants to help me in regards to getting this

just because someone is elderly, that doesnt automatically make them a nice person. It seems some seem to forget that.

just want to point out in case anyone questions how i hear or know so much.
there is no sound proofing in here, its a converted house, all single pane windows. Loads of big windows and near the end of a quiet cross road.
You can see and hear everything.

I suggest if your child's dad is still in your life then he should move in and support you and his child and then the old guy might shut up and mind his own business if he thinks you have a man there who won't tolerate his nonsense.

That sounds awful - and really scary, are you keeping a diary of his behaviours?

Would the guy upstairs back up your complaints?

OP have you posted about this before it sounds very familiar, if it wasn't you it may be worth doing a search.

Call the police to log the incidences. Don't mention the man's age.

Keep a diary. Film and photograph him bothering you whenever possible.

Build up a case of proof to show the police.

A stiff solicitors letter warning him off?

Agree with mucking, keep a diary of everything he does that causes you for concern. If he's shouting at you, record it. More evidence will strengthen your arguments for the HA to do something.

Have you posted about this before, OP? Your situation is ringing a bell with me; if you did, read it through and note any past behaviour that's been a problem.

Good luck, stay strong.

Agree to a diary and logging incidents on 101. You could also contact your local councillor to see if they're able to escalate it. Good luck, sounds horrible

Have you actually spoken to the police as I'm sure they would go and talk to him

Whoa! He sounds like a wee bit of a busybody but that's it. He's complained once and by your own admission you were noisy. And he's put out because he perceives you to be offish and rude.

I think you've posted about this before. The man doesn't sound like he's done anything at all other than get on your nerves. YABU.

Have you posted about this before.
I remember a remarkably similar post a few months ago (it was the comment about the man doing up his trousers as he came over which reminded me)

You do sound rather fixated about him. For example, moaning about him flushing the toilet every time you have a bath? So bloody what? Have you any idea how often many old men need to wee? FFS OP!

Yes I remember hearing this too. You were PG then as well if I remember - you must be ready to burst by now!

You won't get an injunction unless you can show that you have gone through the correct processes to warn him to stop bothering you. Even then, you can't just demand that someone stops speaking to you unless you can prove that their behaviour is unreasonable and designed to either threaten, harrass, stalk or intimidate. And if he says he comes up or knocks on your door to complain about noise then his story will have to be given equal weight to yours until you can prove otherwise.

Who have you spoken to about this so far and what diarised evidence have you given them? Did the police give you any constructive advice about what needs to be done before they can take this further?

Constant attention from a neighbour would drive me mad but I don't think there really is anything you can do about it, if I'm reading correctly it's the attention that's annoying and upsetting you, he isn't actually doing anything else as far as I can tell from your post. I'm afraid you can't prove the car scratching (you're simply making an assumption it was him). All you can do I suppose is record every incident and report to the police if he is aggressive or violent at any point.

If you really can't tolerate this neighbour, can you move?

Hi op. I'm not clear if he is also a HA resident? If he is keep telling the anti-social behaviour officer. Be a pain, make a log, make sure they listen.
Also you're feeling vulnerable so ask your midwife for support. Might help?
Good luck x

I feel for you OP - if he is a HA occupier, and elderly with possible MH issues, you will get nowhere. He is classed as a 'vulnerable adult', and can do as he likes. You can keep diaries, complain, keep records, go to the MP and call 101, you will get no-where.

I hope that as a young female, with a baby, that you would get some help from the 'proper channels' (there aren't any) but i fear that this is where having a young man around will help you much much more.

I speak from experience - my DP owns a house next door to 2 lots of 'Vulnerable Adults' (both fried their own brains with either drugs or alcohol) and after several years of complaints, emails, letters, MP, soundproofing to the tune of £2500, he still can't even sleep at his own house. (BTW DP is 6'4 and the NDNs are about 5'4; DP would not hurt a fly. He is a decent human being - NDN are not. )

Please do not listen to ^^ because he is harassing you. It's been five months and he has persisted with unwanted attention which you have politely but firmly declined. It has gone beyond neighbourliness and into the realms of harassment.

Firstly, is it possible to disable your bell? Give your mobile number to people you are expecting and ask them to call? Keep a diary of every events,ask your other neighbours to write statements to support you.

I have kind of been in this situation before and it's very difficult to get police/HAs to do anything as injunctions are very hard to get against neighbours as it's hard to get ones which won't stop them doing something they reasonably have a right to do, such as being in or around their own home.

I do agree that if you are still with the father of the child moving in together might be good. But failing that (and I normally wouldn't suggest this) I would get your boyfriend to go around and really put the frightened on him. Partly because it sounds like he is scared of men and won't harass them. Partly because even if he does complain I doubt he will get enough back up from witnesses for any charges, but it might compel the police an HA into looking harder at the situation.

Could you also afford cheap CCTV to cover your car and front door to gather evidence.

If the father of your child wants to "hurt" this man what is he going to support you in any practical sense?

Quite honestly you do seem fixated on his age so I do hope you aren't mentioning this in your complaints. ,

Keep very detailed records of the harassment. What time, how long, how he's dressed (if he's coming out half undressed again). Ask visitors if they would mind signing a quick statement that he made comments about you to them, or keep a log of who these visitors are. Date and sign each and everyone of them.

Then keep a record of all the complaints. Get the name or identifying number/details (insist they give you a method in which THEY are identifiable for your records) and their phone number. Follow up every phone call with an email ('Confirming our discussion at X o'clock today, that A, B and C have occurred, that D, E and F are the evidence that I have, please find copies of them attached').

Then once a month send them an updated TOTAL list of everything you have sent them before.

A few months of this (sorry, it really will take awhile to sort this...) you can contact your local councillors. Provide them with copies of all the evidence (Never, ever give all of your originals away. If the police insist on all the originals get a photocopy of them and insist the police sign the copies to verify that they are true copies of the originals.) Them include your MP in the chain. (Include them in on EVERY single new complaint you make, provide them all the evidence.)

If this all keeps up, you actually have a damn good case of negligence on behalf of the Housing Association/Local Authority, and can seek damages. A threat like this and they will find you somewhere else to move very quickly, if that is what you would prefer.

Neighbours can be very, very annoying. Living in such places as you do, (no soundproofing, little privacy,), mean everything we do is potentially annoying to our neighbours. The constant attention is distressing you though so act on that.

You have had advice on what to do here. 101 and the HA. The HA will have to act.

It must be very upsetting. However I suspect there are two sides to this.

You keep on about his age as if that is a problem. His age is irrelevant. The fact that your boyfriend wants to "hurt" him would worry me more than an annoying neighbour. I'd be worrying about when the baby was screaming and you were at that exhausted stage he'd want to "hurt" you too.

The neighbour is allowed, by the way, to use a walking stick,flush the loo and talk to people crossing communal/public land.

If your babys dad is still around could you ask him to be in your home to awnser the door a few times to the neighbor?If he won't try the behavior he's inflicting on you with a man then there's a good chance that could be enough to stop him.

It's ridiculous that no one is helping you because of his age,age makess no difference what so ever.

Have a look on advanced search, OP for any advice on this matter.

There have been around 8 near identical threads in the past year, it's obviously a common problem.

A diary:-
time and date
what happened
what you did to try to stop it (ask him to leave etc)
witnesses - the neighbour, the postman, the doctor you told etc
evidence (photos, recordings etc)
how it made you feel

Every incident needs to be recorded in this way. It makes is harder to ignore.

Whatever you do, don't put yourself in a position where someone who doesn't want to help, but should, can say that there is blame on both sides. i.e. do not let your ex even speak to him.

Then when you have collected a bit of evidence make a written complaint to the police and the housing association simultaneously, giving a copy of the diary as a record.