Im being harassed by an elderly neighbor and nobody will help me

[PeacefulBeings]

Long rant sorry but i would appreciate if you read it:

I live in a housing association property, i am 24yrs old and im pregnant. Ever since i have moved here five months ago this man around 75 hasnt left me alone.
The second day i moved in he complained about me walking, he had a point because there was no floor. Within this conversation he also choose to inform me there is a "faggot" living upstairs and he doesnt get on with him. After he made this comment i told him i was busy and he had to leave.

The second day as soon as i pulled up my car he came outside half naked and doing up his trousers asking if i wanted a tea, i told him no and to not address me if he doesnt have clothes on.
He then after 5mins rang my bell to ask me if i need help. again i told him no. He did the same type of thing the next day
Since then it has been constant ringing my bell, watching me from the window, following me to the end of the road, staring up at my window and coming outside to a delivery man telling him "i dont answer the door to him"
and he has also come outside asking people who ring my door who they are and that im inside as my car is there.
He also flushes the toilet EVERY time im running a bath.

He is doing all this because i ignore him ringing my door and wont be his "friend"
The man upstairs told me he did the same to the last lady who lived here making up noise complaints and wanting to come inside her flat and know her life story.

Upstairs guy told me to his knowledge this elderly man never once complained when there was a guy living here, its only the females he seems to attack.
I also believe this to be true because there are some drunk lads across the road, always outside making noise on fridays and saturdays, not once have i heard him complain to them,
There are builders who sometimes start at 7am, not once has he complained about them
There is a young couple next door, sometimes they have parties and again no complaints
(i mean gone outside and rang their door like he does mine, i dont know if he has complained anonymously)
but he harasses me and stalks me.
This is again proof it is not about the noise, he has developed a bitterness and obsession to me because i dont want to know him.

HA and police both fog me off because he plays the im a poor elderly man card. He actually grabs his walking stick whenever he has them around but when they arent around he walks around normally.

I have a recording of him shouting up at my window at me, oh and he scratched my car, no proof just obvious.
Nobody will help me
just because someone is elderly why does that mean they can do what they want?

Im trying to get this sorted BEFORE my baby comes because if he starts with my baby crying ect there is going to be a massive problem with my childs dad who already wants to hurt him.
im trying to follow the correct procedure but nobody will help me.

I have bad aniexy problems and have a history of depression. I have just got my life back on track with being at uni and back to work as i was signed off for depression for about 12months but now dealing with this its tough and nobody will help me
and my mother passed away in may, i dont need this stress.

All i want is an injunction against him from preventing him contacting me or coming near me, Once i get this i can have him arrested if he does break it but nobody wants to help me in regards to getting this

just because someone is elderly, that doesnt automatically make them a nice person. It seems some seem to forget that.

Yy to all the practical advice on this thread.
I just wanted to say that I can really empathise with you I have a nightmare next door neighbour an elderly woman. Since we've moved in she's harassed my visitors with weird notes if they park in front of our house because its too close to hers , turned some of the other neighbours against us, screamed at me in the street, called the police on us several times :(re: parking issues) once when my dd was poorly- the police told her that we were allowed to park in front of our own home but kept coming out to speak to us as she was an 'old lady on her own' even though I told them she was using them to get to us. She leaves her dog barking for hours on end, stares through our windows- all in all a fucking pita but because 'she's old' we're the bad guys just keep documenting everything OP and one day people will see what this man is really like hopefully the same for my ndn too.

Also contact Citizens Advice - they may be able to help you formulate a plan to deal with the harassment.

Even the very act of going to see them about it is another thing for your diary - it shows how worried you are.

There was a man at university who stalked me. He used to sit staring at me, more glaring really. I don't know who he was, but I went out fo my way to avoid him. He learned my habits and then i saw him hunting me down when i changed them.

It is really intimidating after a while.

Just call 101. They will do something. Even if it's just having a word with him. I've been in similar situation and they went straight round.

If somebody is a young twt, they eventually become an old twt.

However this may be the start of Alzheimer's. This is quite a likely way that someone could behave and living alone who would notice?

Write down absolutely everything in a diary. What happened, dates, times and how long it went on for.
This is what we had to do when we were being harassed by some kids. Only when faced by a catalogue of seemingly small things did the council see the pattern of how harassing it was too. I was pg at the time and remember how stressed it made me.

We have an awful problem with someone who lives on our street and is in her late 70s. She has driven 3 families out. The problem is when the police come round she puts on this vulnerable look at me poor old lady act then when they go she is off again. She is so aggressive and scary. One poor man on our road had a breakdown through her truly horrible behaviour. Its awful and I really feel for you. We were advised by the police to ring the none emergency number every time something happens as people have not wanted to bother the police with this kind of thing in the past but she reports everything anyone does so she has built up lots of evidence and the other person has none.

This kind of thing can really get you down. I have gone through periods when I dread coming home

I was harrassed and stalked by a nurse who used a technique which is similar to the one you are mentioning.

Be careful as some people are 'premeditated'.

a. set up a camera outside your door to record when he visits and what he says
b. when he complains, apologise, but ask him what he would like you to do (politely) and once he has said something then say that is what shall be done. Do this three times max before giving it to the housing association to show you have been both neighbourly and reasonable, then ask them to investigate his conduct.

b. ask them to act a 'mediator' and to resolve the matters for you both.

c. call the police if he becomes aggressive or irrational, and record (with a secret camera if necessary) the police response, ask for URN NUMBER as some officers in HERTS having been telling vuln erable people they will act or caution but instead walk away without recording the events at all. Some officers are (male or female) 'bored' with neighbour disputes and so so do not want the paperwork or call unless their is some evicdence.

d. diaries are ok but if thepolice cannot be bothered to act for you then you need to know the HA will take action

e. ask the HA to consider if the man has a undiag nosed mental health issue, as some undiagnosed mental health issues like scizophrenia can exhibit in irrational phatom noise complaints.

f. if this is the case then the HA and police have a 'duty of care' to consider your and other neighbours safety if the man is later diagnosed to be 'hearing' noises that were neither there or loud. It is however a very sad situation when in tenements that what an elderly person may be grumpy about would not be a concern of someone with kids or with young people, because frankly as people get older, they do become more selfrighteous.

g.Likewise younger generations are also pretty liklely to be less careful about noises but as it is 'subjective', you could ask the council to make an investigation of noise (with recording devices) whcih might indicate the landlord or the HA should put up better soundproofing etc.

h. I would suggest also that after three or four personal aggressive events you write to the HA and ask them to mediate so that he cannot feel 'free' to put his opinions in your face.

i. injunctions ususally do not work with aggressive mentally effected persons and the best situations sadly usually mean the victims are moved house by the landlord rather than dealing with the elders.

j. Another angle is to call Age Uk local to ask them to visit him incase the diversion of having someone to moan to is disspatin g his agenda.

k. However I would not advise any persons to 'trust' the local 101/999 police officers are sympathetic, after four years of being told by the same police station that my harasment of me and my mother were up to me alone to act under civil law, I reaslised that they (the misogynyists of the police) were n fact all too eager to act for famous footballers or were seen in full force if one of their own station had a minor car crash. The police complaints system has taken over a year merely to ask the same officers what they said they did, and reply that what htey siad they did was what they did, so I had never considered that I might have to ahve put up secret cameras inside my hosue in order to produce evidence of officers telling me lies, and telling lies on records they assumed I would not have asked to see. I did so by the data protection act an drealised with horror that they were lazy and were 'signing' off reports without investigation at all. I know its probably only one bad station but becuase htey were known locally as 'useless' it was one station of a large group of unprofessional officers all backing each other up.

I would not advise any persons to 'trust' the local 101/999 police officers are sympathetic, after four years of being told by the same police station that my harasment of me and my late mother were up to me alone to act under civil law, I reaslised that they (the misogynyists of the police) were in fact all too eager to act for famous footballers or were seen in full force if one of their own station had a minor car crash. The police complaints system has taken over a year merely to ask the same officers what they said they did, and reply that what htey siad they did was what they did, so I had never considered that I might have to ahve put up secret cameras inside my hosue in order to produce evidence of officers telling me lies, and telling lies on records they assumed I would not have asked to see. I did so by the data protection act and realised with horror that they were lazy and were 'signing' off reports without investigation at all. I know its probably only one bad station but becuase htey were known locally as 'useless' it was one station of a large group of unprofessional officers all backing each other up.

Please look up the association of cheif of police's guidances, and the tv programme NIGHTMARE NEIGHBOURS and you will see the court action which police force's through out the country can use.

Sadly it is a bit of hit and miss because all the ACPO guidelines are there often victims are not aware of the police's possible options until they are being chased out of their housing. I suggest you list the 'history' of the woman as a statement and offer it to a police person AT A STATION (not in your home because 101 officers sometimes 'lose' pieces of paper) and send a copy listed with WITHOUT PREJUDICE, to the antisocial officer at the council. You must make sure you wish for your name and details to be anonymous. Also bear in mind that stlakers and harassers do this to their victims too, so she may be usig the same techniques to have alleged her victim-families are causing her distress etc.

The 'history' however is evidence of one persons relationship with a variety of others. My stalker-harrasser got the police to braek in (SWAT ATTACK) and his accomplices used to hang around when he tried to set up baiting events like swearing at me, car vandalism etc, the police officer allocated to me was useless and later found in my police complaint to be a liar. Apparently the techniques is most afficilaited to the sort of misgoynists you find working in the police who 'turn a blind eye' to male harrassment out of sympathy with males, so the worst case scenarious are that you face a stalker outside your gate and a louscy police station on the end of the line...

His behavior is unacceptable - maybe because he is a lonely old man, but that doesn't excuse him. I would go back to the housing association and ask them why you were placed in that flat when he had harassed the previous female occupant. They must have known what they were setting you up for and as he has a previous history that they must know about, then it is their time to do something formal about it and issue sanctions against him for the constant harassment. Do you want to move? as if you do, then I would be asking them to find you somewhere else as you have a right not to be harassed constantly in your own home.

Good practice guidelines for mental health professionals 24.01.05
Womensaid.org

1. call the NATIONAL STALKERS HELPLINE, AND THEN THE NHS PYSCHIATRIC TEAMS

1. CALL THE POLLICE AND LIST HIM AS CAUSING YOU 'DISTRESS'

1. ASK THEM TO CONSIDER THAT HE HAS MADE NO OFFENSIVE ISSUES WITH MALES, BUT HE HAS MADE A TARGET OF YOU AND YOUR CHILD TO BE (VULNERABLE ADULTS AND CHILD SHOULD BE LISTED TO THE POLICE) ASK THEM TO GIVE YOU URN NUMBER OF THE REPROT - DO NOIT ALLOW THEM TO SAY AN OFFICER WILL CALL YOU WITHOUT A PROPER REPORT (IF YOU LIVE IN BROXBOURNE OR CHESHUNT MAKE SURE THEY GIVE YOU A URN AS THEY SOMETIMES SLIP UP ON THIS).

1. MAKE A DIARY OF HIS ACTIVITIES

5 TAKE PHOTOS

the police can ask him to leave you alone and insist you ask them to ask him to do so, and if he persists, which they often do, go to ANTI SOCIAL OFFICER AT COUNCIL and ask them to help you to get or prepare for an injunction, if they are lazy or fob you off (Broxbourne/Cheshunt did this to me) then go to the citizens advice bureau and ask them to hel;p you with approaching the police and council for help. Also consider getting a commun ity service lawyer who will seek to get you help if you are on benefits of a lawyer for an INJUNCTION so he leaves you alone which can be used by police to arest him.

get some cameras put up outside your front door stepp and inside outside your house, or ask the council or police to rig some for you via the pollice commissioner's charity support

WATCH OUT - NHS PYSCHIATRIC TEAMAS ARE SOMETIEMS SETN TO WOME N VICTIMS HOUSES BY 'STALKER' TYPES OR ' POLICE 'SWEAT' TEAEMA TO BREAK IN BY 'ANONMYMOUS' STLAKER PEOPLE SO EMPHASISE TO THE POLICE THAT THEY SHOULD NOT DO THIS TO YOU AND THAT YOU GIVE THEM A 24/7 MOBILE PHONE TO CALL YOU IF THEY WANT TO ARRANGE A VISIT TO YOUR HOUSE,

iF THE PYSCHIATRIC TEAMS 'SWOOP' ON YOU REMEMBER THEY ARE ACTING TO BE HELPFUL AND MAY HAVE BEEN TOLD BY A STALKER THAT YOU ARE A WACKO, SO BE POLITE, AND DONT ASK THEM IN BUT SUGGEST YOU WILL COME TO SOME CENTRE AT SOME TIME WITH your advocate, WHO YOU CAN ARRANGE TRHOUGH pohwer or mind as you believe that you are a 'stalkrer victim' and their concerns are a hoax. THEY SHOULD BE HELPFUL BUT IF THEY ARE NOT FAMLIAR WITH STALKERS THEN GO TO WWW.WOMENSAID.ORG ABND PRINT OUT THE PAGE Good practice guidelines for mental health professionals 24.01.05, AND ALSO KEEP A COPY OF THE PALLADIN DASH LIST (WHCIH YHOU SHOULD ALSO HAND TO THE POLICE) AS CRIMINAL DAMAGE TO PROPERTY IS SOMETIMES A SIGN OF 'RAGE ATTACKS'.

IF HE KEEPS GOING - TELL YOU NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH AND ASK THE POLICE TO DO SO , SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP A RECORD OF HIM AS WELL. SOMETIMES THESE PEOPLE HAVE A 'HISTORY' WHCIH NO ONE HAS TOLD THE POLICE YET OR 101 OFFICERS HAVE NOT FOUND ABOUT.

TO A) PROVIDE WHAT EVIDENCE OF CONCERNS THEY AHVE RECEIVED IN CASE THESE CAN BE EVALUATED BY YOUR ADVOCATE.

PLEASE ALSO REMEMBER THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE IN THE SAME SITUATION - 1 IN 20 ADULTS IN THE UK EXPERIENCE ACTS WHICH ARE 'STALKER'/ANTI SOCIAL ACTS, AND WHILST THERE ARE LAWS AGAINST IT, OFTEN THE COSTS OF WHO IS REPSONSIBLE TO RIG CAMERAS (COUNCIL, POLICE, COUNTY COUNCIL. POLICE COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE ETC) ARE OFFLOADED TO AN INDIVIDUAL, AND SOME POLICE FORCES ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS ARE RESPONDING TO 'VULNERABLE' STATUS VICTIMS OF CRIME.

DO NOT THINK YOU ARE ALONE. pEOPLE WHO ARE DECENT WILL HELP YOU.

AND REMEMBER THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THESE BAD MEN IS TO FIELD THEY 'WIELD' POWER OF YOU, WHICH IS MUCH LIKE A SCHOOL PLAYGROUND BULLY, THEY WILL ENJOY THE FRUSTRATIONS YOU HAVE THAT THE POLICE CANNOT ARREST THEM WITHOUT A CCTV CAMERA FOOTAGE OF THE CAR SCRATCHES ETC (BUT IF YOU CAN AFFORD THESE CAMERAS INSIDE YOUR CAR YOU CAN PRESS THE PROSECUTION).

iT IS ALSO A TRAIT OF ATTACKING YOU AS A WOMAN WITH A CHILD COMING WHICH SHOULD BE SEEN AS POSSIBLY A 'STALKER' PYSCHOLOGY...
DON'T GIVE THEM EYECONTACT AND DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH THEM.

Have you spoken to someone in the CAB? you a have a right to live in peaceful enjoyment of your home. I would write to someone senior at your HA - you can find the name of their CEO on their website - and simply, briefly tell them you are frightened of your neighbour and would really value some support, so it's logged higher up.
Tell your health visitor it's stressing
you out, too.
To move out, you could go on Home Swapper and exchange homes, but I understand with a young baby that is easier said than done.
Finally do you have a Home Start near you? They match up local experienced parents with parents of babies and young children, to visit once a week or go out and about. This might give you a chance to meet some more local mums and also to have another helpful witness to the horrible neighbor.
Do remember, please, this is not a permanent situation, there is an end to it.

HI SO I SEE THIS POST IS LIKE 3 years old and i hope you do see this. I was googling thru trying to find someone who had been in a similar situation as i and so i found your post and was pretty shocked as to how similar our cases are!! My story is pretty long so ill miss a few details. But my mum lives in a housing property at a block of 5 units so everyones close together. And theres this one guy here who creeps me t.f out. Ill say at first we were friends but i didnt realise that he had the mind of a creep, weirdo, stalker. It wasnt till later on did i pick up weird behaviour from him and constant txts all nyt, missed ph calls if i didnt respond, indirect threats if i didnt respond like cos ild be busy obviously Nd i thort wtf is going on feeling abit scared. So i changed my number and then hed come knocking at my door! If i pretended i wasnt home hed shout my name thru the windows, bang on all the windows and doors till late at night. Anyway i was lonely and vulnerable At the time i opened up to him and fully regret it now cos hes also developed a bitter obsession towards me and guess what! He has also been scratching my cars up ever since ive been avoiding and ignoring him. He scratched "eff you b into my bonnet, ripped off my window sheild and totally just destroyed my bonnet with scratches everywhere!!!!!!!! I had discussed earlier that i wanted to get a bike and i finally got one. Well he stole that!! i also dont have any proof of this. But i know its him cos of the way he is. He always turns his outside lights on only when i walk past his house and watches me thru his curtains. I want my mum to get transferred but its not her problem its mine. I dont know what to do ????? Its like the more i ignore him the worse he gets. And im 32 weeks pregnant. I wish i didnt open up to him so much at a vulnerable stage. its got me wishing i had a partner but i dont want one because im trying to get my life together and i wanna succeed in that independently. Police cannot do anything without evidence. I just dont know what to do??

I'd suggest getting security cameras installed so you can record his behaviour. That way you have a lot of evidence you can take to the police.

Why do old posts appear at the top?? It's frustrating. I commented because I thought this was a new post. And of course I can't fucking delete it because we're not allowed to do that...

Neeva I'd suggest you start your own thread to ask advice as you're unlikely to get much posting on a zombie thread such as this.

Zombieeeeeeee

Hahaha yeah thats a good idea lol thanks

Hi I really feel your situation that you went through, Can I ask are you out of your situation yet>? has it become better for you??

me and my partner are experiencing a very similar situation and the worst thing is that they are crazy makers and have a spiteful demeanor keep accusing that we are stalking them when they are the ones who are. We have resorted to something called grey rock and hardly able to live our lives fully. It's not something to take lightly even if the person is aged and can cause people serious stress :c
They are the worst people I have ever come across and no one will help also people think its a joke

He is stalking you and harassing you and this is crazy. You are right to be concerned. Document everything. Record everything. Use your iphone to video him if he starts following you when he goes out. Let him know that you are keeping a detailed record and this is unacceptable.

Go to the police station and don’t leave until they take you seriously. Just remain calm with them, show them your diary of all the interactions with this horrible creep of a man and then do what others have said. I feel really sorry for you. I’d also definitely hammer home that he isn’t doing this to any of the male occupants in the complex but he has done this before to another female. He is a creepy predator type as far as I can see from what you’ve written. Who cares if he’s old. He’s not that old.

In your head,
In your head,
Zom...

Can I ask are you out of your situation yet?

I would hope so after four years

ZOMBIE

well Ok then