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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sorry, a Facebook selling one.

53 replies

footphobic · 24/09/2015 22:14

More of a WWYD I think. So Dd is getting rid of a few unwanted bits and pieces ahead of her move to uni. Things sell quite well on our (small) town FB selling page so we popped them on there.

A woman quickly said she wanted an item. We agreed the sale and I went on her profile to pm our address for collection.

Near the top of her recent posts is a Brtain First propaganda post, posted/shared by her. One of the usual 'our pensioners get pennies and illegal immigrants/asylum seekers live in mansions and bleed us dry' ones.

DH and other older dcs including dd were in the room so I commented and we had a bit of a discussion about it. DH felt that maybe they were either ignorant or naive about BF and would've been inclined to ignore it and sell it to her anyway. Dd said she would rather give stuff away then sell it to someone who posted such vile crap.

I agree with dd. I'm quite happy to renege on the sale, the item will obviously stay on there for sale so I won't be using an excuse. Should I just say I can't sell to her after all which I assume will prompt the question why which I will then have to field. Or should I say it straight, by pm if not on the actual post, so either of these would be where I might be BU. Or, the possibility that I'm over-reacting and her personal views shouldn't be relevant in this situation, though dd won't sell it to her now anyway.

I just wanted to gauge a broader range of opinion really (I'm not a hardened AIBU user so please be gentle).

OP posts:

Thelushinthepub · 24/09/2015 22:18

It wouldn't occur to me to refuse to sell Something to someone due to their political beliefs tbh

MsJamieFraser · 24/09/2015 22:18

Its an item you want rid off, people are allowed their opinions, whether you agree with them or not.

Oysterbabe · 24/09/2015 22:21

They'll still like BF whether you sell them your old crap or not. Yabu.

RockerMummy184 · 24/09/2015 22:21

I can't see what her political beliefs have to do with selling her an item to be honest, as much as I hate seeing people like/share BF posts (they're immediately deleted from my friends list). If her religious beliefs were different to yours would you refuse to sell it to her?

sooperdooper · 24/09/2015 22:22

I'd still sell the item, you're selling selling to her, not making friends - her political views are irrelevant

Plus, if you withdraw the sale from her but still try and sell it in the local FB page you'll get all kinds of nonsense about it, what's the point?

BlueJug · 24/09/2015 22:25

WWID? I wouldn't sell it to her but then I would remove it from the selling page and do as your DD said and give to charity. Just explain that it has been given to charity by mistake or something.

Personally I wouldn't get into a fight over her views in public in your home town.

Also I think that if you offer something for sale and you accept someone's offer but then refuse to sell because you don't like her politics, you open a can of worms. What about selling to a husband that you know to be cheating? Or a religious fundamentalist? Or an anti-gay rights campaigner? Or a foreigner from a country you don't approve of? Or a Communist? It doesn't matter who really. I don't think that you can pick and choose who you sell to in that way - if only for practical reasons.

RealityCheque · 24/09/2015 22:27

We live in a free society. She has every right to have those opinions.

You have every right to refuse to deal with her. But IMO you will be regarded as odd by many, many more people than agree with you.

Personally I think you are BVU to go back on the deal. And it is a very poor example to set your daughter that you can just let people down because you don't like their opinions.

Out of interest, do you think it would be OK if someone made a deal and the refused to complete it because they looked at their profile and found out they were Gay? It's not too dissimilar.

If you are picky about who you will sell to, at least have the courtesy in future of checking out the profiles before agreeing a transaction.

BlueJug · 24/09/2015 22:27

PS the reason I wouldn't sell is because it is your DD's stuff and she said that she wouldn't sell it to that person.

OneDay103 · 24/09/2015 22:29

I think it's a bit ridiculous to get so involved in someone else's business.

CuttedUpPear · 24/09/2015 22:34

What a pile of bollocks this 'everyone is allowed their opinions' stuff is.
No they are not - if their opinion is racist, disablist, homophobic or just hateful - they are not allowed to air it. It's the law.

I'm with you OP. How are we going to make the world a better place if we stand by and let odious statements like your buyers' just go ahead unchallenged?

acatcalledjohn · 24/09/2015 22:38

It's not like you have to vote Tory to ship at Waitrose, or Labour to shop at Lidl. Sell it and move on. If she had set her privacy settings properly you would never have known, so I don't get what the big deal is.

Excited101 · 24/09/2015 22:40

Why would that stop you selling something to her? I don't understand what that will achieve

Original poster

footphobic · 24/09/2015 22:41

I do the same and delete 'friends' who share BF posts. I'm very fair minded usually and agree with most of the points made, e.g., BlueJug's post.

Other people's religious beliefs on the whole don't offend me but I really have no tolerance of this. I completely agree people are entitled to their opinions, if I sold it to her a e.g., a car boot sale I'd never know.

I would ordinarily tend to agree about not reneging once agreed, I've not done it before that I can ever remember, I just instinctively felt uncomfortable. I suppose it feels more personal with someone coming to my home to buy it, rather that something more anonymous.

I wanted to step back from my initial reaction and get a more objective opinion, hence posting.

OP posts:

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 24/09/2015 22:42

How is refusing to sell an item to someone making the world a better place?

SavoyCabbage · 24/09/2015 22:45

Tell the woman you are donating all the funds to the Syrian refugees. And that you stole the item from a pensioner in the first place.

I had someone storm off when I was selling a car seat as I had not thought to disclose that my dd was black. silly cow. (Her not you)

SnookyWookyWooWoo · 24/09/2015 22:49

What so this woman must be a raging racist because she likes that particular page? Not sure how it makes her such a vile person and why that's your problem?

If you sold the item at a car boot youd have no idea who youre selling to. I think it's way ott to now go back on the sale and even worse to try to start some conversation or argument about it.

What's so bad about this group anyway?

SnookyWookyWooWoo · 24/09/2015 22:51

Omg Savoy did she actually say this to you? What a dick! How did you not punch her or at least throw the car seat at her whilst she was walking away

Original poster

footphobic · 24/09/2015 22:51

I just feel that as I do know it presents a choice so that does make a difference in my view.

I don't put refusing to sell to someone with racist beliefs in the bracket as refusing to sell to someone who is e.g., gay.

In the great scheme of things it wouldn't make the world a better place, but it's what I feel comfortable with morally? Or is accepting someone else's view, or not going back on a deal more important than my feeling about it.

OP posts:

ThighsofThunder · 24/09/2015 22:55

Snooky Britain First are a vile racist group, so yes anyone who "likes and shares" their shite is a vile racist. Pretty conclusive.

I wouldn't renege on the sale OP, money's money. I had almost the same issue except I was buying something from someone. And it bit me in the behind because the item turned out to be crap lol.

DoJo · 24/09/2015 22:56

Why not sell it to her and then donate the money to charity? That way it doesn't matter whether she's confused, racist or somewhere in between, good has come out of this situation and you can feel as though you have made a difference rather than an enemy.

ThighsofThunder · 24/09/2015 22:56

Accidental lol! Stupid phone. I do not lol.

Original poster

footphobic · 24/09/2015 22:57

Snooky, not really understanding your post. What's so bad about what group, Britain First? There's nothing wrong with the FB group. I also made the car boot comment myself before yours. I'm not about to start an argument about it either, but we all have areas which are strongly against our own morals and views. BF is one of these for me. I have no idea if she's a 'raging' racist, but she's enough if one to share BF posts which are designed to incite hatred.

OP posts:

Fatmomma99 · 24/09/2015 22:58

I bet you were gutted she wouldn't have the benefit of it, Savoy. How nasty!

I prob shouldn't be commenting on this, because I don't FB at all, however I DO freecycle. I don't want to out myself, but I live in a place where there's a massive mix of people (by which I mean classes, cultures, ethnicity, religion etc - it's not a small village). There's also a large proportion of "greenies".
So our freecycle pages are full of a real mix - from the usual "AA route map from 1989" to "I have a massive collection of jam jar lids (have recycled all the glass jars, but does anyone want the lids?" to the occasion "baby grand piano" (I shit you not!).

And we also have that 'thing' of people who want to "get everything for the baby" or "just moved into an unfurnished property - I need EVERYTHING"

And when you offer something, you get all manner of responses back.

And I get that this is me, but when I offer something, I'd rather give it to some who posts "ooo, I'd love that, please may I have it? Would look great in my room. Thanks" over someone who posts "I'll have that if it's in mint condition, let me know when you can deliver"

I was talking about this prejudice of mine to a friend, and she says that's why SHE puts everything on Ebay. She says because even if she only asks for 1p, it just takes the personal out of it, and it becomes a purely financial transaction.

So I TOTALLY "get" where you're (and your DD) is coming from with not wanting to give something - even at a price - to someone that you are obviously opposed to. But my FRIEND would say it's a financial transaction and not personal, so you should do it.
But (because I'm posting and not my friend) I would say that you have every right to take the item off the sale board and sell it to someone you are happy to sell to.

Sorry if this is too long!

Fatmomma99 · 24/09/2015 23:00

x-posted with loads of people. Sorry, was waffling for way too long.

I heard that laugh, Thunder, so you can't retract it now.

SnookyWookyWooWoo · 24/09/2015 23:05

I think I've seen some of their stuff reposted on friends Facebook pages. I don't think it's racist I personally take it with a pinch of salt. Not sure how you can really judge her so harshly that's all?

They might remove you from the selling site if you refuse or can also remove the item for sale....I guess you probably don't mind that anyway seeing that you have to vet your customers first.

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