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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why a lot of MN'ers find being friends with your colleagues a strange concept?

81 replies

likeifyouhate · 23/09/2015 19:18

So ... not really a thread about a thread but having read one this seemed to have that theme running through it.

Do people really find it baffling that colleagues are more than just colleagues and are actually friends?

Two of my best friends with people I worked with (6 years ago), I saw one of them on Sunday and I'm meeting the other for dinner tomorrow.

My last job I left I still keep in contact with my friend. We are meeting up for drinks next month.

Where I work now I'm friends with a guy and we hang out a lot outside of work too (nothing romantic).

Do people really find the concept of colleagues being friends that odd?

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 23/09/2015 19:19

No. Why on earth would you think that?

Bogeyface · 23/09/2015 19:21

I admit I do.

I have always kept work and home seperate, so I dont seek out friendships at work. I have always had people I get on with better than others, but I cant think of anyone I have kept in touch with apart from people I already knew before I worked with them (friends I got to know and then ended up working with when I managed a friends restaurant for example).

H does keep in touch with ex colleagues and I have to say I do think thats weird. You worked with them, now you dont....!

Original poster

likeifyouhate · 23/09/2015 19:24

You worked with them, now you dont....!

But when you work with someone for 30-40 hours every week you get to know people very well.

It does depend on what kind of job you do.

I work in an office so you sit with people all day and talk.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 23/09/2015 19:26

I work for myself now but I always did office jobs too.

I just never felt it appropriate to "get to know people very well". What I do out of work is my business, I dont choose to share it, and I dont ask others.

WhoTheFIsJeff · 23/09/2015 19:26

Why is it weird to keep in touch with ex colleagues?

If you're friends with someone, you're friends with them. Why would it matter how you know them? Some of my oldest friends are ex colleagues.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/09/2015 19:28

I have 1 best friend and 2 amazing friends.
My best friend is someone I used to work with.
The other 2 are my sister and another work colleague.
My ExH who I was with for over 15 years I met at work.
Another very good friend is from another job.
I do have a school friend as well
But my main friends all work colleagues.
It's normal surely. H xxxxxxx

kali110 · 23/09/2015 19:28

Yanbu at all. My closest friends are people i used to work with. They've been better friends to me than anyone.

Bottlecap · 23/09/2015 19:28

Surely not having work friends is stranger than having work friends? You spend 40 hours a week together, you banter, you become friends...?

I've been a consultant all my adult life and I feel that my life has been honestly a bit emptier for it, very rarely meeting people who live in the same city as me.

OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 19:29

But then I would ask why so many MNers think it is weird NOT to have colleagues as friends?

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2015 19:29

Yes I've seen this too on mn op. I class myself as friends with colleagues.
I suppose because you don't get a lot of choice with them. So you're stuck with them. But if you do happen to get on, I don't see why you should avoid being friends for that reason.

2ndSopranosRule · 23/09/2015 19:32

I have a few ex colleagues who are definitely friends and when I worked with them we socialised lots (no dc at the time). I have remained friends with them, along with someone who used to work where I do now.

I have one colleague I would consider a friend where I work now: we go for coffee/lunch but all at work.

Don't think the rest of them like me tbh but I don't actually care. I made an effort for the first year or two but many years later I've given up .

DirtyMugPolice · 23/09/2015 19:36

My colleague is one of my closest friends - we spend 30 hours a week together so know each other pretty well. We are only a v small team (less than 10) so I think that makes a difference maybe. I don't find it odd at all (clearly).

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 23/09/2015 19:39

I don't think it's weird to have colleagues as friends but I do think it's weird (as you sometimes see on MN) that people expect to be friends with their colleagues.

I spend about 50 hours a week at work and I have made some good friends at work in the past. But just spending time together isn't enough to know someone.

My work persona isn't really the same as my home persona in lots of ways.

There are colleagues I seriously dislike but they'll never know because I continue to be pleasant, friendly and polite because we have to work together regardless of what I think of them.

So they might think they know me but in fact they really don't.

MillieMoodle · 23/09/2015 19:46

I'm not friends with anyone I work with at the moment, even though I've been there 2.5 years; I can't see me being friends with any of them either. I don't socialise with them and I don't have them as Facebook friends. I get on with them all pretty well so there's no real reason, I just prefer not to mix work and home life.

I'm friends with a lady I used to work with in my last job, we meet up for dinner and a natter about every 3 months or so. She's in her 60's and I'm in my 30's but we get on very well, although the friendship really came after I left that job. Maybe I'm just a bit weird!

BestIsWestOfGallifrey · 23/09/2015 19:50

I have a group of friends I consider almost family. We all worked together for 25 years, grew up, had families, saw our DCs grow up together. It's five years since I left the company, ten since one of the others did. We still meet up regularly. I really care about these people. I've had a rough time this year and they've been there for me. Why would you not want that kind of friendship?

Andrewofgg · 23/09/2015 19:55

You can know quite a lot about your colleagues and their lives, and they about yours, and be pleasant and chatty and congratulatory or sympathetic about as as the came may require - without being friends. If you form real friendships at work, the sort that last even when one of you leaves, well, that's a bonus.

DoJo · 23/09/2015 19:56

I am very different at work to how I am at home, so few of my work friendships have ever 'translated' into real friendships once we were no longer spending lots of time together. I also find that the enforced closeness of work relationships fades pretty quickly once you are no longer spending 40 hours a week together - it's one thing being able to have endless conversations based on the minutiae of each other's lives which come up when you sit next to each other all day, but it's quite another when you aren't bored enough to spend 10 minutes discussing what you are having for dinner or the particularly amusing customer that called while you were on lunch.

ShouldHavenotOf · 23/09/2015 19:58

I am friendly with my colleagues and certainly know a huge amount about them. We go out at Christmas, but that's it.

I wouldn't count them as proper friends.

redredblue · 23/09/2015 20:01

You spend a quarter(ish) of your life at work so you might as well try to get along with those people

goodasitgets · 23/09/2015 20:03

12hr night shifts. You sort of have to be vaguely friends! Especially when you see more of your colleagues then your family. Plus they are a support network for the job

MascaraAndConverse · 23/09/2015 20:07

I think people can think what they like about their own colleagues. I personally don't see my colleagues as friends and I don't like to socialise with them out of work. Even the Christmas party is a chore but that's just my opinion.
I am quite quiet at work in that I don't sit there gossiping all day because I get bored of the same old conversations.
I'm actually a nice person I've probably made myself out to be a right stuck up cow, but out of work with my family and friends I am a completely different person. Probably because I have stuff in common with them and I am a lot more relaxed around them!

2ndSopranosRule · 23/09/2015 20:38

Mascara I never go on our Christmas do. No matter the day, it's always a day I can't make. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm not even invited this year!

MascaraAndConverse · 23/09/2015 20:51

It's hard though isn't it when you've got other commitments outside of work?

I think it would be a relief for me if they didn't invite me

x2boys · 23/09/2015 21:11

I used to be friends with colleagues not working right now I am an RMN when I was working I had such tough shifts with colleagues that we did get close plus as a nurse working such unsociable hours who else is free to socialise on a Tuesday evening but other people who also work odd hours?

Bogeyface · 23/09/2015 21:18

You spend a quarter(ish) of your life at work so you might as well try to get along with those people

I get on with people I work with, I chat to them and so on, but I dont consider them, nor would want them to be, friends.

Is that really such a bad thing?!

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