To ask for your experiences (+ve and -ve) of IVF?

[StackladysMorphicResonator]

DH and I are about to start IVF after TTC for 2 years and being diagnosed with "unexplained infertility". I think it's fair to say we're a bit shell-shocked - we never expected to be in this position (probably no-one does), and although we understand how the technique works we don't really know what else to expect.

If you have any experience of undergoing IVF please could you share this with us? I'd post on the Infertility boards but those threads are generally people who are going through it currently rather than those who've come out the other side (with or without a child).

Thanks in advance.

We had secondary infertility (unexplained-we had conceived our first DC very easily, within 3 cycles, but it took 3 years to have dc2).

Dc2 is an IVF baby. First cycle - we were so lucky - and the only embryo viable on day 5 when transfer took place.

We subsequently had a further fresh cycle and two failed frozen cycles of IVF before conceiving DC3 naturally.

Emotionally IVF can be gruelling - especially if several cycles fail. We were so lucky to get DS2 on the first 'go' of IVF. My lovely DSis has had many cycle failures and never a sniff of a BFP and my heart breaks for her.

Physically it depends on each individual of course but personally didn't find the 'invasiveness' of IVF a particular issue. Yes you have injections, internal scans, GA or sedation for egg collection but I would still maintain that your average dental hygienist visit is probably more physically stressful than the IVF process.

Good luck to everyone about to start or currently under going treatment.

Having experienced infertility for a very long time, and having numerous procedures and treatments, I don't want to bring the thread down...but I think you are getting a very biased view of IVF on here. What you need to remember is that this is primarily a forum for parents.....so obviously most people posting on here have kids! In the real world the chances of IVF working are still really really slim.

I wish you well, but hope to reduce your expectation a little. You will be on a roller coaster of a ride, which may not give you a live birth at the end of it. That is more likely statistically than going home with a baby. And I'm not saying this cos I'm bitter about it not working for me. I did have my own child eventually.

Good luck though.

Positives:

• chance of a baby
• NHS funding
• through IVF may discover why "unexplained" and therefore have children
• I personally found the injections much easier to administer myself than I thought and you feel well looked after by the clinics

Negatives:

• Financial cost ( depending on area - only 1 NHS funded cycle here)
• If unexplained then risk IVF not fix the problem ( my lovely blastocyst did not implant due to undiagnosed immune issues that needed different medication) - this is only my personal opinion and was what happened to us
• Managing treatment and jobs if distance or unflexible work an issue ( and have lots of cycles!) Or cannot choose when holiday is
• Failure, raised hope not fulfilled
• Years taken up with fertility treatment, life felt it was put on hols

I just want to echo what others have said about comparing success rates. Just had a quick look at the hfea website and, at the top end, somewhere like ARGC has a live birth rate of 71% for the under 35s, compared to the national average of 33%. It's a massive difference.

If you don't mind a slight hijack OP, I'd like to ask those of you who went back for more after successful treatment how did you decide to carry on? We have a DS, now nearly 2, from our first round of IUI. We'd love another but I can't face going through the whole process again psychologically: I feel like we used up all our luck first time round.

Hi Twist

I went back for a sibling but it was an easy decision as I have some frozen blastocysts.

We had IVF at the end of 2006. DD has just had her 8th birthday.
We also had a FET three years later which failed.

My advice would be:
Make sure you are happy with your clinic

Go in with realistic expectations. Many many cycles fail. We were told to look at the first one as a trial to see how I reacted to the drugs. Then they could adapt for a future cycle.
Our miracle baby came from this cycle. (21 eggs, 18 to fertilise with ICSI, 15 fertilised, 7 made it to transfer day. 2 transfered...one baby. 5 frozen. All thawed for FET, 2 suitable to transfer...no baby)

I found the injections very painful.
They also gave me headaches, mood swings etc....

DO NOT go out and buy new jeans 2 days before egg collection. You will be rather swollen and much larger than normal...the jeans may then not fit three days later. (Or maybe that was just me.,....)

Make sure your DH/P is supportive. You could feel really quite hormonal.

If if does not work and they offer counselling then seriously consider taking it. I did not after our failed FET and 5 years later am still trying to come to terms with it.

Although some people have successful natural pregnancies after IVF this is not a given....although some people will try and convince you it is.

Good luck. It's a long road, and the Two week wait after transfer is the longest two weeks ever, but if you are lucky and it works it is worth every minute of it..

Oh, and see if you can find an IVF support board. I found it invaluable to chat to people at the same stage in the IVF cycle as me. Oh and to help you with realistic expectations. I cycled with 8 ladies on the board. I was the only one who got pregnant. Two went on to have successful IVF later. The other 5 did not.

My experience was that the physical side of it was no where near as bad as I was expecting. The last few days before egg collection were a bit uncomfortable with bloating and swollen ovaries, but I didn't feel the crazy hormonal mess I was expecting to be. Early pregnancy was 100 times worse!

But, the emotional side is tough, especially when it doesn't work. I wasn't fully prepared for the reaction of the clinic when cycles didn't work - You are just one of many many failed treatments the clinic sees that day, and it showed. Not that I was expecting a hug from the doctors, but there was a mismatch between how crushed and devastated we were, vs the matter-of-fact response from the consultants.

Best of luck with it, and make the most of the fantastic IVF support threads here and on Fertility Friends...

Best of luck with everything op

Dsis1 had unexplained infertility. Tried 5 or 6 times (had to pay too) and it was unfortunately unsuccessful. She has now adopted two boys.

Dsis2 had pelvic inflammatory disease when she was 20 (an std that had been dormant) which resulted in the removal of an ovary and a fallopian tube (on the opposite side to the removed ovary). They undertook IVF just once, got pregnant immediately and my niece is now 6.

I was diagnosed with pcos after two years of ttc. I lost weight, exercised and took a herbal remedy called agnus cactus (I wasn't convinced of herbal remedies but it was a desperate last ditch attempt) and my ds is now almost 5.

Basically I think I'm saying you're not alone, and it doesn't matter how you get there, you will get there. Remember that even if it's not successful there are other ways of having children.

Oh yes and as others have said please try to have realistic expectations. It's very hard emotionally and you need to know when to draw a line and learn to move on if it doesn't happen.

it doesn't matter how you get there, you will get there

littlelionmansmummy sorry to be a downer but I do wish people wouldn't say that. An awful lot of people don't get there I'm afraid.

I mean if you want children that badly there are other ways - such as adoption - that can be considered.

LittleLion telling people to adopt is just as insensitive. Not everyone can adopt either. I don't know what the process is in the UK but it's near to impossible to adopt in Australia.

Oh ffs! One of the worst things about IVF is lack of control, hopeless and despair! I am saying keep hope, don't despair and consider all avenues. I merely mentioned adoption because the op asked for personal experiences and one of my sisters found success that way instead.

littleLion
I don't want to plough into you, but your comments have reminded me of something else to add onto the -ive list, and that is people coming out with dumb as fuck comments like 'oh well, if it doesn't work out, you can always adopt'
OP, you need to factor that into whether you want to share what you are doing with friends and family. If you do, there WILL be idiots who come out with things like that, plus 'if you relax it will happen'. There should be an IVF bingo card for idiotic things people say to you when they find out you are having IVF.
If you don't, it is a big cross to bear on your own, but only you know what will work best for you and your DH

There is nothing wrong with trying to support someone by discussing all options and whether there are any 'no go' areas. I will say it again since nobody has listened, my sister found success in the end with adoption. My other sister found success with IVF first time. There are a variety of experiences - and other options should you wish to consider them! Having supported two sisters through both IVF and adoption, as well as having issues with my own fertility, I am not totally ignorant.

lion I hope you don't feel too got at, I don't think that's anyone's intention... by all means put all those options out there, it's true that they might be the answer for some people. It's just that there's still quite a big gap between adoption being a possible alternative route and "you will get there". As I said, a lot of people don't.

Anyway I'm supposed to be working so I'll leave it for now.

I've done IVF (1st time the drugs didn't work, 2nd time pregnant with twins, but lost one and one "live birth" DS, third time miscarriage, 4th time drugs worked, eggs extracted no viable embryo, 5th time miscarriage.
You can read up about the effects of drugs (made me clumsy!) and the process but it's hard to convey the emotional effect. Plus your journey will be completely different to others doing ivf. Things that help them may not help you. Eg telling me other ivf success stories had me grinding my teeth cos I knew the odds and for every success story I heard I felt like I was being condemned to failure.
It will be hard. It's like being dropped in enemy territory wirh no map and dreadful terrain and there's just the two of you. You're connected by a rope and you won't always be in the same place at the same time. It took me a long tine to realise that dh tends to process emotions about 4-6 months behind me.
Counselling worked well. Get it early. As it gets harder you won't have as much emotional energy for other things. Protect that energy - ivf causes a lot of couples to break up.
Are you both enough for each other if it doesn't work?
Sorry these are a bit harsh but I could have done with someone saying look after yourselves. Also tell parents and friends now what you need ie people saying that's crap we love you. And not coming up with theories or saying daft shit like well if it's unexplained that's good isn't it. Or ringing up to tell you not to eat red meat.....

I've been approved for adoption. It is as invasive and hard as ivf and we will have to parent differently forever if we are placed with a child. It's not a lovely easy option. There are lots of open days you could go along to. If you find having info helpful. Read some of the old threads on the adoption board too.

Lion I have to disagree that there is 'nothing wrong' with supporting someone going through medical treatment by asking them what they will do if it doesn't work.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, no one 'supported me' through the treatment by asking if I would prefer to be buried or cremated. I can't really understand why your support would be to assume that it won't work.
There is a time and a place for conversations about next steps, and just before starting the first step of IVF really, really isn't it....

Or ringing up to tell you not to eat red meat.....

(Outs self to sisters) My (usually lovely) mother got me a book called One hundred best foods for pregnancy because "look, it has some recipes for when you're trying to conceive". Yes mother alongside 97 others for blooming mothers-to-be

What I actually said, sparechange was:

There is nothing wrong with trying to support someone by discussing all options

Others have criticised me for being too optimistic in the light of the statistics while you think I'm being too negative in my support. I can't win!

Just wanted to share my experience op, there's some good advice on here from people who know how you feel. Don't be afraid to talk as much or as little as you need. It helped my sister to talk through her options ans feelings after her 5th attempt. My other sister didn't tell anyone about actually embarking on the treatment other than me, because she didn't want the added pressure. She did confide in me her feelings throughout though and seemed to want my confidential support. Good luck.

And yes pica, I know that my dsis found the adoption process incredibly intrusive. I don't think she regrets it now though, although even though I know it continues to be very hard for other reasons (I.e. Having to write regular letters to the birth parents).

Manor, I think we are cross purposes. Someone else (not me) said a negative of IVF was that it was invasive. You then said it can be "as non-invasive as you want it to be". I questioned that as "invasive" to me means that someone is doing things inside your body so by definition IVF is invasive. That is NOT the same as meaning it's an invasion of your privacy or anything, which I think is what you are accusing me of saying.