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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH been sacked! I'm going to have to give up my maternity leave aren't i?

42 replies

stateoftheart · 21/09/2015 10:39

36 weeks pregnant and starting ML next week. Found out today he's been sacked for making a mistake, there is probably more to it than that, like trying to cover it up or something.

Anyway, he has only had this job for 5 months, before that it was sporadic agency work for a year. Took him ages to find a decent job. At times I questioned how hard he was actually trying.

I have only been at my job 9 months so only get stat mat pay, which will be £139 a week I think. We can't live on that!!

OP posts:
gallicgirl · 21/09/2015 10:48

ok, your DH should get contributions based JSA for 26 weeks. Make a claim to council tax benefit at your local council and also housing benefit if you rent.

You will get child benefit of £20 a week too and you should claim child tax credits. Initial tax credit claim is based on the last tax year so you may not qualify if you were both working, but you then advise them of a change of circumstances for current income.

Get DH to sign up with as many agencies as possible. Depending on his skills, he may get lucky and get some temp work straight away.

Hopefully that will give you a bit of breathing space and you can enjoy some maternity leave.

Best of luck.

araiba · 21/09/2015 10:50

why do you need to be on maternity leave if he will be at home to take care of the baby?

you will need to go back when you are able to

Original poster
stateoftheart · 21/09/2015 10:51

Thanks galligirl!! But how can I justify both of us sitting at home when I have a perfectly good job I could go to?

OP posts:
Muckogy · 21/09/2015 10:52

No - he should be looking for another job immediately. he should take anything that's going just to get some money coming in.

MaidOfStars · 21/09/2015 10:52

You go back to work?

MaidOfStars · 21/09/2015 10:53

Sorry, just realised you haven't given birth yet!

He needs to take any job he can find. Then you perhaps consider a shortened maternity leave and he stays at home.

Original poster
stateoftheart · 21/09/2015 10:53

He will definately take anything going. But I know from the past year that it's not that easy or reliable

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/09/2015 10:57

Aside from the immediate practicalities of putting food on the table, this whole situation doesn't sound good

You reckon he dragged his feet getting a job and then within months is sacked ? Oh dear.

Is he understanding the grave responsibility of bringing a new life into the world ?

Original poster
stateoftheart · 21/09/2015 11:01

He does understand the seriousness of the situation now. But whilst I was working and he was sat at home previously his sense of urgency wasn't exactly acute.

I really thought this job was a good fresh start.

OP posts:
gallicgirl · 21/09/2015 11:02

You can justify sitting at home because you will be bonding with your baby and raising him/her. You may decide to return sooner than planned but hopefully you will get some time at home. Personally I think mums need at least 3 months just to get their head around their new life and get a routine going .... but I am notoriously disorganised ;)

As other PPs have said though, the onus here is on your DH to take any work whatsoever in the short term.

yorkshapudding · 21/09/2015 11:02

He needs to start looking now. Today. He needs to be really open minded about what he is willing to do, commuting, shift work, temping, agency etc. Even if he just picks up a few shifts behind a bar or as a waiter, it means you've got something coming in and he can still look for jobs with a better longer term prospect during the day. Once he has some money coming in then it takes the pressure off in the short term. Once baby arrives you may have to go back early but it's not certain as he may well have found something by then. You don't know how you're going to feel after baby arrives. One of my friends planned to take a years mat leave and ended up going back after three months by choice.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2015 11:03

So sorry Thanks

I really hope he doesn't let you down again.

Original poster
stateoftheart · 21/09/2015 11:04

I have my own children, this is his first. I am angry that their lives will be badly effected by bot having enough bloody money! I'm so stupid, this is not the first time I have thought that carrying on with the pregnancy was a mistake

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/09/2015 11:05

Did he push you very hard to keep the baby ? Make all sorts of promises that have turned to nothing ?

gallicgirl · 21/09/2015 11:06

No you're not stupid. We all make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. You will manage somehow and I'm not saying it will be easy but you will get through it.

Do you have everything you need for baby?

TeaPleaseLouise · 21/09/2015 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
stateoftheart · 21/09/2015 11:09

Yes I have everything for the baby thank god.

No he didn't particularly push me, I just wanted to believe I suppose as I wanted it.

I just feel like I've let my children down.

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 21/09/2015 11:09

You're not stupid. Your baby will be loved and that really is the most important thing.

OneBreathAfterAnother · 21/09/2015 11:10

I agree with AnyFucker here.

Is he aware that you are considering going back to work? Would he have thought that a likely option before?

If he had no motivation to find the job, no motivation to do the job properly and then maybe he saw an out so he didn't require any motivation to even stay in the job.

That might even be slightly preferable to him not being able to hold down a job for longer than 5 months when you have a baby on the way.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2015 11:14

You haven't let your children down, he has. The reason I am probing a bit is that you seem a bit too ready to let him off the hook and go straight back to work.

Being a SAHP should not be an option for someone who is simply too lazy/unmotivated to work. It should be a carefully considered decision between two people in a partnership, not forced due to the foolish actions of one person.

Make him go all out to get work. Then consider your options if he doesn't step up.

Muckogy · 21/09/2015 11:15

Agree with AnyFucker.
this all does not look great to me. sorry.

Lweji · 21/09/2015 11:20

You do need to discuss all this with him. What it means in terms of your ML, him getting a job or becoming a SAHD, but will full responsibility over the vast majority of home chores and child care, at the very least during the week.
If he's not on board in doing his best to find work, or supporting you working, then it may work out best for you not to support a free loader.

You will need to consider the possibility that if he becomes a SAHD he could then ask for residency for the baby and demand maintenance payments.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/09/2015 11:23

You're 4 weeks off giving birth. With the greatest respect you're in no fit state to be going back to work or to be doing anything for that matter. You should have your feet up at a time like this.
I do feel sorry for your OH it must be gutting and degrading for him. Yes he made a mistake but hands up. Who has never made a mistake in work. I'm not going to pretend I never have. Did he really deserve to lose his job. Could they not have given him a warning, but I suppose that does depend on the nature of the mistake, ie was it a safe guarding one, were people put in potential danger, and had he had other warnings.
I echo what pudding says.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 21/09/2015 11:24

What's his area of work?

Unreasonablebetty · 21/09/2015 11:26

I'm really sorry hun,
Its very hard when they can't keep a job.
Has he tried labouring work? What about Pizza delivery?
These are both jobs you can practically walk into, and can do at the same time.
My husband had to work as a builder during the day and go to do deliveries of an evening. Only lasted a few months but he stopped dragging his feet and miraculously found a much better paying day job so he worked half the time for better money.
You shouldn't be thinking of going back to work whilst you are pregnant.
Please try not to get too stressed. This ball needs to be firmly in his court.