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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel very distressed with the new nursery?

34 replies

nextfiveyears · 20/09/2015 19:35

DS is nearly 3 and just started 3 morning sessions a week with a local Montessori nursery this week. This nursery has been rated by Ofsted as "Good" in 2013 and the viewing before we started was satisfying too.

So we started straightaway. The first two times, DS seemed a bit confused to begin with but looked a lot relaxed after the 3rd session. We both work full-time, so it's the childminder drops off and pick up. She said he looked fine (day 2)--> happy (day 3).

But the unpleasant or even a bit disturbing part of it is:

  • 3 sessions in, we still haven't received any documentation. The only one was a piece of A4 paper I signed in the beginning to make it clear our intention to attend. But no paperwork back to me. No policies received, no timetable and nothing from their side.
  • The first day, I got there about 10 minutes earlier and it was quite empty but all the staff were ready to start. But nobody seemed really bothered to come over to DS to initiate a friendly welcome chat. I stayed about half an hour before left for work. When I picked him up, he looked really confused and didn't seem to be happy at all. The manager only briefly told me "He's been fine" before sending me out. (They were starting lunch session and quite busy to deal with other kids) But because his speech development is quite behind his peers, I couldn't really get a sense from himself if he was ok there.
  • I noticed his nappy was quite full after I left. He normally doesn't drink much water during the day and it made me suspect if his nappy was not changed at all.
  • The following day, DS didn't have to go there but DH went there to make some points. He told me afterwards that the manager said
a. the "key worker" of DS would be herself; b. DS's nappy was changed at 10:30 as a routine the day before; c. We would receive the documents the following day; d. She would write a sheet everyday to brief DS's activities and routine in the nursery. We then thought things would get better after this.
  • After two more sessions,
a. still no paperwork received (We haven't even paid, as were given any details about payment terms) b. No activity sheet was received. The childminder said on Day 3, the manager was too busy to prepare the lunch session and didn't even speak with her about what DS did that day. It's really annoying. We thought it's all about trust. If you say one thing, you shall do so. Otherwise, you shouldn't promise at all.
  • Today, I managed to take DS to bath when it's still bright and notice a 3 inches long bruise with a thin scar on his left side of lower back. It looks like he fell off and was badly bruised by a corner of a table or something. I don't recall lately we had any accident at home. Our childminder is normally very careful and always ask us to sign a piece of paper if any accident happened that same day. DS doesn't speak very well, but when I ask him "Does it hurt here? It's bruised. It's the nursery or [childminder's name]?" He responded without much hesitation "nursery". - My heart just sank... I'm not 100% sure about his answer, but I'm 70% confident he understood it and so he answered. The thing is, we had no paperwork from there and know nothing about their policy of dealing with this. At this point of time, I just don't feel want to trust them any more.
  • Another thing, that day when DS started, I noticed DS could almost open the lock on the door which separate the nursery from the main building of a church. There's only one lock slight above the level of his head. He attempted to open it when we were leaving but was stopped by me. I could tell after a few times he would easily figure it out. I pointed it out to the staff nearby, she said "ah, we are putting up a new lock on top". I addressed it to the manager and she said the same thing. What I can't understand is, putting up a lock is nothing complicated. Why they couldn't get it fixed before the new term started? That was the 2nd day of the new term.

Today, after seeing the bruise, both DH and I are inclined to stop with this nursery.

We don't have much experience on this and would like to know what others think. Are we too sensitive and being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Efferlunt · 20/09/2015 19:39

You are not happy - the trust has gone so I would look for something else. I wouldn't be happy either from what you have said.

rightguard · 20/09/2015 19:41

It sounds awful. I'd take him out. The lack of security and unexplained injury is bad enough but they sound really unorganised too.

SpendSpendSpend · 20/09/2015 19:41

If they were inspected now they would get a poor rating believe me!!

Move nurseries. You are letting them care for the most precious thing you have and that care has to be top notch.

Did you look round other nurseries?

WipsGlitter · 20/09/2015 19:44

I'm not sure what paperwork you want. Any nursery I used had the policies available if you asked but didn't give them out as routine. When DS started nursery I found the lack a daily update a bit hard to get used to compared with daycare where every burp was mentioned. You probably won't get a detailed outline of what he did each day. I've never had a timetable but there was one displayed on the wall if you wanted to look.

nextfiveyears · 20/09/2015 19:45

Is it too late to look for a new nursery now? I didn't have doubt on the quality of this one and didn't look for a 2nd choice at all.

2 weeks into new term... Will ring around next week..

Thanks!!!!

OP posts:
spoonfulofgoodness · 20/09/2015 19:47

I'd take him out. Is it the Montessori style of teaching you like or would you be happy to send him to a normal nursery? Honestly OP I work full time also and I'd hate to think that I was going to work worrying about my child's welfare. You're juggling work and being a mum and this is the last stress you need. Please put your mind at rest and look for another nursery Flowers

ChampagneTastes · 20/09/2015 19:50

Get him out now. One or two of those things could be acceptable but all of them together suggest poor management and a lack of care. I would not be happy at all.

May09Bump · 20/09/2015 19:53

Don't take him back, all of it is very worrying and distressing for him.

I also had a near miss with a Montessori - stated they could deal with allergies, but on first day they admitted that no-one was epipen trained and their legal cover didn't cover allergy first aid. Also, a outstanding rated nursery.

Maybe post on MN for advice on local nurseries.

Girlfriend36 · 20/09/2015 19:54

It does sound slack, can he just stay with the cm and not bother with nursery?

maras2 · 20/09/2015 19:55

,Montessori ! My arse.Send the poor kid to a real nursery.

nextfiveyears · 20/09/2015 19:55

WipsGlitter, thanks for sharing your experience.

To me, it's not a matter of their bad organisation or no daily record. I didn't even expect a daily record at all. But they said they would provide, they said we would receive the paperwork the following day. I don't know precisely what's included in those documents, but they said they would do it but they failed to deliver. They should fix the new lock the first thing before they opened their door to the little ones, but they didn't. If they consider certain promises not worthy of being kept, how do I know when they would and when they wouldn't deliver what they say? How can I trust them do what they say about safeguarding my DS? He is the most precious thing in the whole world.

I still appreciate your sharing your experience. But I'm afraid I want a bit more than you do...

OP posts:
nextfiveyears · 20/09/2015 19:57

No, Montessori or not, doesn't quite matter. We chose this because it's just 5 minutes walk from home and they take all ages.

Will send him to a normal nursery, but it would not be as close. Doesn't matter...

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 20/09/2015 20:02

That's a bit mean. You've no idea what I "wanted" for my children.

However...

Nursery and then school are not the same as a childminder or day nursery. There is an expectation parents back off a bit. When he goes to school you are going to get a shock or be one of those parents.

Does he have to attend nursery if he's only three though? Is there one attached to the school you are thinking of sending him to?

toomuchtooold · 20/09/2015 20:02

nextfive, if you're looking at private nurseries I don't think the terms will be an issue as they tend to take in kids at any point in the year. The only issue is finding one with space (and is happy to take him for the 15 hours only).

Or could you leave him with the childminder and just use the 15 hours with her? I think that's allowed, if she's registered.

LittleMissIntrovert · 20/09/2015 20:04

Trust your gut and move him, the lock should have been sorted straight away, in fact you shouldn't have had to point it out, they should have thought of something like that, it's a security issue.

Plus they are not doing things they said they are going to do, I wouldn't be able to trust them.

And the bruise does sound worrying too. I know kids knock themselves, but it might suggest they are not watching him all the time, which together with a door he can open, would worry me!

Autumnnights1 · 20/09/2015 20:06

A normal nursery? Grin
You want a bit more Grin

My oh my.

nextfiveyears · 20/09/2015 20:07

WipsGlitter, terribly sorry. I think my head is a bit "warm" and didn't know what I'm typing about. Apology! I didn't mean you wanted less, just I'm quite sensitive and often fear things go wrong a lot.

No he doesn't have to go to nursery, The childminder is a very good lady. But his speech develpment is so behind and we want him to "socialise" a bit more and stay with big kids of his age.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 20/09/2015 20:09

We chose this because it's just 5 minutes walk from home and they take all ages.

Those are your reasons for picking it??? Confused

WhatsGoingOnEh · 20/09/2015 20:12

Is this in Surbiton? If so, PM me, my son went there.

nextfiveyears · 20/09/2015 20:14

WipsGlitter, before we attended it, it looked fine from Ofsted report and my childminder said another kid she looked after went there too and was very happy. The first visit was fine too and the manager looked reasonable. We thought that's enough to make a decision... :(

OP posts:
TiggyD · 20/09/2015 20:14

Get out now. They don't do what they say they're going to do. And you're new so they'll be doing their extra special best to keep you happy at the moment.

And ofsted ratings are meaningless.

WipsGlitter · 20/09/2015 20:19

I'd cut my losses and take him out now.

Frasras11 · 20/09/2015 20:25

Take him out if you aren't happy. My DS goes to a Kids1st nursery in the North East. Before attending he had integration days, we were given parent packs with all policies etc in. Every 6 weeks we get the menus so you can highlight any food allergies, preferences etc. Every day we get a handover so know what's been eaten, what he's done and enjoyed. We get task sheets so we know what they're learning and can compliment that at home if we wish. Also we are always told if there's been an accident. So much so I had to tell them that unless it was an emergency I was happy not to be called at work for a paper cut to his finger!

I feel happy knowing he's well cared for each day. If you're not then take action and move him.

DramaAlpaca · 20/09/2015 20:26

If you're not happy, take him out now. I rejected a couple of nurseries on my gut instinct alone. If you aren't comfortable with the nursery from the beginning it isn't going to get any better. You need to be confident that you've left your child in the right place for him, and you clearly aren't.

shutupanddance · 20/09/2015 20:29

The door lock deal breaker.