AIBU to feel very distressed with the new nursery?

[nextfiveyears]

DS is nearly 3 and just started 3 morning sessions a week with a local Montessori nursery this week. This nursery has been rated by Ofsted as "Good" in 2013 and the viewing before we started was satisfying too.

So we started straightaway. The first two times, DS seemed a bit confused to begin with but looked a lot relaxed after the 3rd session. We both work full-time, so it's the childminder drops off and pick up. She said he looked fine (day 2)--> happy (day 3).

But the unpleasant or even a bit disturbing part of it is:

• 3 sessions in, we still haven't received any documentation. The only one was a piece of A4 paper I signed in the beginning to make it clear our intention to attend. But no paperwork back to me. No policies received, no timetable and nothing from their side.

• The first day, I got there about 10 minutes earlier and it was quite empty but all the staff were ready to start. But nobody seemed really bothered to come over to DS to initiate a friendly welcome chat. I stayed about half an hour before left for work. When I picked him up, he looked really confused and didn't seem to be happy at all. The manager only briefly told me "He's been fine" before sending me out. (They were starting lunch session and quite busy to deal with other kids) But because his speech development is quite behind his peers, I couldn't really get a sense from himself if he was ok there.

• I noticed his nappy was quite full after I left. He normally doesn't drink much water during the day and it made me suspect if his nappy was not changed at all.

• The following day, DS didn't have to go there but DH went there to make some points. He told me afterwards that the manager said

a. the "key worker" of DS would be herself; b. DS's nappy was changed at 10:30 as a routine the day before; c. We would receive the documents the following day; d. She would write a sheet everyday to brief DS's activities and routine in the nursery. We then thought things would get better after this.

• After two more sessions,

a. still no paperwork received (We haven't even paid, as were given any details about payment terms) b. No activity sheet was received. The childminder said on Day 3, the manager was too busy to prepare the lunch session and didn't even speak with her about what DS did that day. It's really annoying. We thought it's all about trust. If you say one thing, you shall do so. Otherwise, you shouldn't promise at all.

• Today, I managed to take DS to bath when it's still bright and notice a 3 inches long bruise with a thin scar on his left side of lower back. It looks like he fell off and was badly bruised by a corner of a table or something. I don't recall lately we had any accident at home. Our childminder is normally very careful and always ask us to sign a piece of paper if any accident happened that same day. DS doesn't speak very well, but when I ask him "Does it hurt here? It's bruised. It's the nursery or [childminder's name]?" He responded without much hesitation "nursery". - My heart just sank... I'm not 100% sure about his answer, but I'm 70% confident he understood it and so he answered. The thing is, we had no paperwork from there and know nothing about their policy of dealing with this. At this point of time, I just don't feel want to trust them any more.

• Another thing, that day when DS started, I noticed DS could almost open the lock on the door which separate the nursery from the main building of a church. There's only one lock slight above the level of his head. He attempted to open it when we were leaving but was stopped by me. I could tell after a few times he would easily figure it out. I pointed it out to the staff nearby, she said "ah, we are putting up a new lock on top". I addressed it to the manager and she said the same thing. What I can't understand is, putting up a lock is nothing complicated. Why they couldn't get it fixed before the new term started? That was the 2nd day of the new term.

Today, after seeing the bruise, both DH and I are inclined to stop with this nursery.

We don't have much experience on this and would like to know what others think. Are we too sensitive and being unreasonable?

I work in a nursery...iv worked in a few, private day ones and school ones.

You should have had a accident form if anything had happened.

'Hes been fine' statement seems to me that they hav'nt really taken much notice of him in the day and dont really know what eleae to say to you. I always make a point of saying something personal to each parent at pick up times. Along the line of ' She asked to paint today..its over there drying if she wants to show you' or 'she's been keeping herself busy, she hasnt had much time to talk to me today'. A good nursery with quality nursery nurses make a effort to communicate with each child at least once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Especially children who are abit more introverted and won't approach the adult. Also more so if their speech is a little behind.

The lock should really have been sorted. It's a bit slap dash.

No nursery setting is perfect and always have room for improvements but if your feeling like this...take him out

Can I just add this is the nursery defence.

No paper work..may be a good sign or a bad sign. Depends how you want to look at it. Some nurserys overload parents with paperwork/information...but the staff are stressed...tend to take work home. While some settings that arnt paler work mad have more moral and staff can spend more time with the children etc.

Just saying.

In the nursery's defence*

They sound very disorganized to say the least. I think I'd be looking at other nurseries.

The nursery we used for my DC (they took kids from 3 months up) gave us an information pack after we'd confirmed attendance and paid a deposit. The information pack contained stuff like copies of nursery policies (included their policy on parents paying), sample menus, a copy of the most recent ofsted report, and a variety of forms for us to fill in (consent forms, contact details, relevant information about DC etc). The daily report we get is very basic and along the lines of times of nappy changes, whether nappy was wet or dirty, length of nap and amount eaten, but the staff (not necessarily the key worker) will tell us what DC have been up at pick-up.

I don't know if it's normal to get all that information, but if a nursery is too disorganized to even tell you about payment terms and get the money they're owed, it sounds like a bad sign to me.
And all the nurseries I've seen have got high level handles or locks such that a typical pre-schooler wouldn't be able to reach them.

Hi I am sending my daughter to nursery soon she will be 21 months by then and I am shitting myself I have been having nightmares like really worst thing happening that I can think of and having anxiety attacks and usually my dreams have come true so now I am so scared I keep imagining things like you read all sorts what if someone working there is a murderer or a person who attacks children I don’t know ! I’m freaking out. Usually she would stay with my mil but she is working now also she is not right up there or knows anything about kids I left her with her before and couldn’t concentrate the whole time. Is this all normal or is this a sign please tell me other mums feel this

Get him out. Listen to your gut.

This thread is from 2015; the kid is like 7 years old now. He's probably in regular school.

has the nursery taken medical/allergy details, emergency contacts, a bit about what he enjoys/family set up to help open conversations/play??

have you been directed to policies on sickness/accidents etc?

medical/emergency stuff is the minimum, but it's not a good sign imo if they haven't done the above.

I wouldn't expect a lot of detail about what's happened each day but accident form yes.

if they're not doing the basics Ofsted would be looking for i wouldn't stay.

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