Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to ask DH...

28 replies

Physcobitch · 20/09/2015 07:12

16 month dc is sick high temp sore ear and throat I've had about 5 hour sleep all weekend DH is coming in off nightshirt wibu to ask him to sit up with dc while I had an hour to sleep. He will still get an 8/9 hour sleep today once I get up

OP posts:
petalsandstars · 20/09/2015 07:15

Depends - if he usually is exhausted and goes straight to bed yabu but if he usually stays up eats breakfast/ showers then yanbu. Shift work affects people differently.

MrsPresley · 20/09/2015 07:15

Not at all, surely your DH doesn't go straight to bed anyway.

Get some sleep and I hope your DC feels better soon Smile

987flowers · 20/09/2015 07:21

When my 2nd born never slept at night dh would often taken both children downstairs to give me an hour before he then went to bed after a night shift.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/09/2015 07:25

Not unreasonable at all, whether he usually goes straight to sleep or not. Definitely ask him.

Fratelli · 20/09/2015 07:28

Nope my oh doesn't go to bed straight after a night shift and has done this for me when our son has had a bad night (after much begging from me!)

Original poster
Physcobitch · 20/09/2015 07:49

He said no Hmm I usually bring DC Out for the day when he's on nights to let him sleep today I will stay in and let sick dc make as much noise as he wants Angry I've work tomorrow and will more than likely have another sleepless night tonight Sad

OP posts:
PeppasNanna · 20/09/2015 07:56

Can he not get up a bit earlier so you could grab a couple hours?

If its any consolation my ex was exactly the same when he was nights. 2 of our dc are Autistic & are bad sleepers. I crashed the car twice on the school runs. He still felt justified in not taking any responsibility for his children.

blibblobblub · 20/09/2015 08:03

He said no?! Wow. That's pretty selfish. You only wanted an hour!

Rainuntilseptember15 · 20/09/2015 08:09

I'm sure he is tired but not as much as you. Arse.

jennifer86 · 20/09/2015 09:26

It depends how/when he normally sleeps when he's on nights, though. I used to do shifts and would need to sleep pretty much as soon as I got home. But I would wake up around 4-5pm so would have a couple of hours before I had to leave the house for the next one. If he does something similar, could you have a nap when he wakes up? Agree he needs to let you have a break, though, so if he sleeps all day that's not on.

monkeysox · 20/09/2015 09:38

Let him go to bed as usual but get up about 1 then you get a post lunch nap? Depends on his job and how long shift is.

Lay on sofa with dc this morning.

TheVermiciousKnid · 20/09/2015 09:38

So his sleep time is 'protected', i.e. he expects not to be interrupted while he sleeps today. But your sleep time (which happens to be at night) is not 'protected', you have to deal with interruptions and a lack of sleep. Doesn't sound very fair to me.

clam · 20/09/2015 09:39

I expect you've got some hoovering to do today as well, haven't you? Wink

hellsbells99 · 20/09/2015 09:43

I know my DH comes in exhausted after a night shift but would agree to wake up slightly earlier to take over then. Night shifts affect everyone differently. DH is now in his 50s and struggles to cope with 12 hour night shifts (plus travel time). Have you got any local family you could ask to help for an hour or two?

Rainuntilseptember15 · 20/09/2015 09:46

Night shifts affect everyone difficulty but so do shifts of being up looking after a child. One is viewed as more important than the other as it is paid employment and usually done by someone with a penis.

hellsbells99 · 20/09/2015 10:30

I don't think it is to do with what is more important but more the implications of excessive tiredness. If DH made errors he could potentially be responsible for several hundred deaths at once, not to mention the implications of driving to/from work on a busy motorway. No ones job is more important, which is why I asked Op whether she could call on anyone else to give her a hand for an hour.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 20/09/2015 10:34

YANBU you only need 1 hour FGS and I bet you are doing all the work with DC!
Hope DC gets better soon Flowers

Penfold007 · 20/09/2015 10:42

My DH would find it almost impossible to stay awake after night's but he is prepared to get up earlier and take over so I can nap. You can't take a sick child out H will have to sleep through any noise.

clam · 20/09/2015 10:49

"not to mention the implications of driving to/from work"

Better hope the OP doesn't need to drive anywhere today then, with their LO in the car. She's arguably even more tired, as she's only had 5 hours sleep this whole weekend, as well as caring for an ill child during the day along with the rest of her daily routine, as opposed to her dh, who's had 8-9 hours sleep each day.
She also has to go out to work tomorrow, where she may also be expected to carry responsibilities that could have dangerous implications if overly tired.

Rainuntilseptember15 · 20/09/2015 10:50

One hour is the difference between safety and causing thousands of deaths?

Original poster
Physcobitch · 20/09/2015 16:30

Sorry just getting back I am extremely lucky I went to my mum and dads and myself and dc have spent the day being looked after I'm feeling a lot brighter unfortunately DC has got worse ?? brought him to out of hours and he's been given an antibiotic

OP posts:
Original poster
Physcobitch · 20/09/2015 16:32

We are staying here tonight as mum minds dc while I work so he's not getting moved about anymore 'd'h on the other hand is still sleeping Angry

OP posts:
Spartans · 20/09/2015 16:34

I would have said no, purely because when I was on nights if I didn't go to bed straight away, I would sleep at all.

I would have, however got up early to let you sleep then instead.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2015 16:44

I'd love to get me some of this voluntary parenting that men some people seem to have. I work, I also am involved in a charity, which takes time and energy. I also jump when I have a sick child. Even overnight, even when I have to drive the next day. Sometimes I drive and work on no sleep.

And yes, I have done years of 12 hour nights so I know the shit that that is.

lunar1 · 20/09/2015 16:52

I'm a bit on the fence, whenever I did nights there would have been no way I could have stayed up when I got back. Really glad your??Mum could help out.