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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking dcs home early from school twice in a week

72 replies

Notenoughhoursever · 18/09/2015 22:30

Dd has been sent home early numerous times in last couple of weeks due to being unwell

On two occasions it was after 2pm so I asked to take ds at the same time to avoid having to walk home then go straight back not long after to get him with poorly dd in tow
The first time all was ok, second time they were not particularly happy

WIBU? I thought it was the best solution given that I needed to get dd home and try and sort her out then let her rest not have to go back out to get ds? And it wasn't as if it was 11am in the morning da was only missing the very last part of the day ?

OP posts:

sleeponeday · 19/09/2015 00:45

A few people are aware of the situation but I'm guilty of doing the "I'm fine grin"'thing so people may not be aware that in reality things are crap and I want to burst into tears if I say anything other than I'm fine and plaster on a fake smile. I obviously need to be more honest and try and get a few people who are willing (genuinely willing !) to help if needs be

I'm like that. It makes it harder though. I'm trying to be more honest atm and admit things are tricky, but it's difficult when that isn't your nature, isn't it? And I don't need favours, just a bit of understanding about DS. You really do need to, though. We both do. I'll have to try to take my own firm advice, hey.

sleeponeday · 19/09/2015 00:48

Pocket, your sister is my new heroine.

sleeponeday · 19/09/2015 00:48

Oh crap, sorry OP - two windows open, wrong thread!

Brioche201 · 19/09/2015 01:34

I wouldn't let the school's opinion on the matter trouble you.if he were a GCSE student they may have a point, but at 8 it really doesn't matter. Hope your DDS 'flare up' eases up soon

RaskolnikovsGarret · 19/09/2015 05:33

YANBU at all. Poor DD

iamanintrovert · 19/09/2015 06:09

Jeez. You took the ONLY sensible option. Dragging your sick child back out our disturbing someone else's day to do the pick up is ridiculous. The UK school system is becoming stupidly precious.

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/09/2015 06:13

YANBU. It would be a lot better if you could find a way to get your DS home without you on those days. But if you can't, you can't.

Try not to be too upset by the teacher and receptionist. They are looking at it only from one perspective. Their perspective isn't an unreasonable one, but schools and teachers often seem to forget there is a lot more to life than education, as a parent you don't have the luxury of being so single minded).

If this looks like it might continue it might be worth having a candid talk with the school about the difficulties in getting DS to and from school when your DD is unwell. They may have ideas or be able to reach out to other parents in your area who could help.

CrohnicallyAspie · 19/09/2015 08:11

Would it be possible for your DS to take his class work home to complete, so he doesn't miss too much?

yeOldeTrout · 19/09/2015 08:27

Alternative is sit in school with her unwell till end of school day ?

Yes, that is precisely what they expect you to do, sorry.x

I've never had people who could take kids to school for me, and we're only half a mile away. So I've had to do things like put 2 other school-age kids in a buggy because 6yo had to get to school. You're extremely lucky there to have any help.

Osolea · 19/09/2015 08:33

It's not the school aren't being understanding, they just don't want your ds to miss out on things and they're probably reluctant to say that it's ok for you to take your son home early if there's a chance it could be a regular occurrence. It will be disruptive to your ds's education, so while they need to understand your position, you need to understand theirs too. There's a lot that needs to be done in the school day so your ds will get behind with stuff if he's not there and it creates extra work to help him catch up. It's unavoidable when a child is too ill to be in school obviously, but taking a well child out of school is far from ideal, and really shouldn't be allowed to happen regularly.

Snossidge · 19/09/2015 08:39

I think you did the only reasonable thing given the circumstances.

Is it possible to send a taxi for your DS if it happens again?

goawayalready · 19/09/2015 08:40

im surprised they call you after two to collect your child my school they wouldn't bother unless they were absolutely vomiting everywhere they just put them in the quiet area to sleep it off

Helenluvsrob · 19/09/2015 08:44

Argh ignore above!

Sirzy · 19/09/2015 08:46

goaway that depends on what the condition is. DS has asthma and they would very much call at any point of the day if they couldn't control an attack within the careplan

shebird · 19/09/2015 08:46

Sounds like you are doing your best in a tough situation OP.

Kerberos · 19/09/2015 08:53

I agree with shebird. Sounds like you are doing your best and it's a really tough situation.

If DDs condition is such that this is likely to happen a lot can you talk to the school head and come to an arrangement?

Purplepoodle · 19/09/2015 08:55

I would forget about it and make sure there's plans in place for da to be picked up when dd is unwell. A few taxi firms do school pick ups with registered drivers. might be worth sounding some out for emergencies

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 19/09/2015 09:21

Speak to the school and see if they know any parents that can help out.

Our school only allows the release of the sick child not siblings as it's unfair on the other child and the teacher who has to catch up on the missed work.

YellowDinosaur · 19/09/2015 09:43

I don't think you're unreasonable. And I can see why you feel awkward asking parents who you might not know well. Having said that, in these circumstances I'd always be happy to help even if I didn't know you that well, as long as I understood the circumstances so didn't think you were just talking the piss. I'm sure you're also not the only parent in this situation.

Is it worth suggesting to the school that they send a letter home to all parents saying something along the lines of:

Dear parents,
We have recently had a number of situations where children have become unwell during the school day requiring early collection. Some of these are children with a longterm health condition. This raises the problem of later collection of their siblings with a poorly child. Is there anyone who would be willing to help take their siblings home on an ad hoc basis in these circumstances?

Then they could set up a text group of these volunteers. The school could send a message to this group when they called parents asking them to collect their child, with the area the sibling needed to be taken home to, hoping that someone responded by the time the patent had arrived to collect their ill child.

Whether this would work depends on lots of things, but even though there will be people who will use this less than you is something that could be helpful for most parents at one time or another. Worth a try?

SurlyCue · 19/09/2015 12:02

I don't think after school club would be an option as although there are activities after school every day they have to be pre booked and paid for and are run by outside agencies so not the actual school after school provision

this is the same in my school however there have been occasions where I have been caught in traffic and called the school and asked them if they could send my DC to the after school club and they have always been fine with this. I just pay the next day. one idea would be to register your DS for the ASC and maybe send him just one day a week so he is used to going and the staff know him so it wont be such a big deal if he goes and extra day one week now and again. also registering him means they have him on their system for insurance and contact details etc.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/09/2015 12:12

ok, next time take the buggy and blanket and meds up with you and sit in reception with her until you can collect ds. Is that possible? Or ask the school to provide a room where she can rest/be medicated with you while you wait for ds. This sounds like it is going to be a regular occurance and you and the school will need to work together on it and solve it together. book an appointment with either the senco or the head teacher to discuss options.

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