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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking dcs home early from school twice in a week

72 replies

Notenoughhoursever · 18/09/2015 22:30

Dd has been sent home early numerous times in last couple of weeks due to being unwell

On two occasions it was after 2pm so I asked to take ds at the same time to avoid having to walk home then go straight back not long after to get him with poorly dd in tow
The first time all was ok, second time they were not particularly happy

WIBU? I thought it was the best solution given that I needed to get dd home and try and sort her out then let her rest not have to go back out to get ds? And it wasn't as if it was 11am in the morning da was only missing the very last part of the day ?

OP posts:
Livvylongpants · 18/09/2015 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Secondtimeround75 · 18/09/2015 22:59

Yabu but these things happen

TheTroubleWithAngels · 18/09/2015 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurlyCue · 18/09/2015 23:00

School would not have let me take ds home even once

its your child. school don't get to 'let' you take him home. you decide.

wrt OP, as it is likely to be a regular thing I think you'll need to come up with a back up plan. is there a neighbour could sit with DD while you go back for DS? or does school have a quiet room she could lie down in til its time for DS to get collected?

ShiningWhite · 18/09/2015 23:00

YANBU but nobody on mumsnet can believe that anyone can not have anyone to look after their child.

hazeyjane · 18/09/2015 23:01

I think at the dds school if this happened they would have found room in the after school club if possible. Is there a chance this could be discussed? Or would a taxi have worked? It does sound like it's going to be an issue in future so you are going to need a plan - year 4 is too old to be missing a chunk of the day.

BrandNewAndImproved · 18/09/2015 23:01

I don't think you had another choice op,

PaulineFossil · 18/09/2015 23:02

I think it was a perfectly sensible request to make. I'm not sure what else they expected you to do in that amount of time.

Original poster
Notenoughhoursever · 18/09/2015 23:03

Last year did seemed to have problems in the morning which meant I could take her home, try to sort out whatever was wrong either myself or take her to the dr etc and get her settled by the time I had to go back up to get ds

If dd is unwell and needs medication administered, other stuff doing I need to have the time to get her home, do it then go to pick up ds. It was just too close the last couple of times
I think it's just been bad luck the last couple of weeks that things have been so bad

OP posts:
5madthings · 18/09/2015 23:05

Yanbu and I have done the same thing. Primary school is a 45 min walk, so if I collect one child I collect the others. I could leave my eldest in yr 6 A's he can come home on hos own but if I have to collect one of my younger two I would have to collect both.

I do have frirnds I can ask for help but if it's too short notice or they can't do it then I would have to collect both.

OrderofWork · 18/09/2015 23:06

Shining, OP doesn't need someone else to look after DD, she just needs a parent/grand parent who's also collecting from school and going in her direction to walk DS home. If she has an unfortunate situation where this is likely to happen often, she needs to have a few on call. Not because the school object but because it's not fair on DS.

It takes a village....

Shakey15000 · 18/09/2015 23:09

You're stuck between a rock and a hard place aren't you? YANBU logistically. Makes sense. But yes, unfair on well child. Is there anyone you could strike a deal with and explain that it may be an hours notice? Or ask a neighbour to collect well child? It's exceptional circumstances but can't be maintained. Hope your DD feels better soon. Don't feel bad, you're doing the best you can at present Thanks

UterusUterusGhali · 18/09/2015 23:12

I have done this.

I was very, very sick. Had to get ds from reception and asked if I could take ds2 from year 2 early as no way could I make it out twice. Nobody to help.

I had lots of raised eyebrows but fuck it. It was the only option at the time.

I hope your DD gets better.

myknickersknackersknockers · 18/09/2015 23:14

I think it's a perfectly reasonable request to take the other child at the same time. I'm a teacher and would always ask if they want siblings to be ready for collection at the same time if it's after 2pm. I don't think they miss too much going at that time and appreciate some people don't have anyone to collect or watch the younger child.

Original poster
Notenoughhoursever · 18/09/2015 23:14

It is difficult, and I do feel awkward asking now especially as last term there were a few bad days where dd was off and so ill we couldn't even go out so I asked someone to please collect ds who had always offered to help in such a situation. After two days she said "this can't be a regular thing you know" so I then had to take dd out when she was far too poorly to collect ds

I just don't want to keep asking people and then it's actually inconvenient for them

OP posts:
Marmitelover55 · 18/09/2015 23:19

Could your DS wall home on his own? My DD did but that might have been year 5 rather than year 4.

Shakey15000 · 18/09/2015 23:19

I'd still ask. And lay it on the line that you appreciate you'll never know when it's going to happen, how long it may go on for so that they can't say they didn't know what they were letting themselves in for (asitwere)

And then have a handy stash of chocs to show appreciation for the help under difficult circumstances.

Original poster
Notenoughhoursever · 18/09/2015 23:24

We are out of catchment so it's too long a walk really and ds is not the most aware child so I'd be very worried about him making his own way home

I think I may just have to find someone willing or a couple of people and try to keep up with what days they work etc so I know who I can call on and on which days

OP posts:
Shakey15000 · 18/09/2015 23:28

Good idea. Make a list, whatever it takes. Could you also have a meeting with the school? Outline situation, explain it doesn't sit well with you but realistically there's little choice? And ask them if they have any suggestions. They may soften if you're upfront?

BackforGood · 18/09/2015 23:29

I agree with most. As a one off, you didn't really have much choice. There'd be no point in reaching home, turning round and coming back out again. However, as you say it's a long term thing for your dd, then you know it's going to happen every now and then anyway, so it's not fair to drag your ds out of class regularly when he isn't ill.
That's why you need a back up. Surely most parents, if you explain the situation, would be happy to drop your ds near to your home on an occasional basis, to help out a fellow parent. I know I would have done, and, even though I was only at school occasionally (I work PT), I know dozens of other parents I could have asked to be on standby occasionally, who would all have helped - it's just what parents do, IME, try to help each other when they can.
I'm not sure if it's your ds or dd who is in Yr4 ? Or, of course, what your route home is like, but is there the possibility of building up his confidence to walk home on his own, as another option ? (this is presuming he's the older one, obv. - can't work if he's the younger one)

SurlyCue · 18/09/2015 23:42

would it be possible to find a local CMer (who wasn't at capacity) or babysitter who would be happy to collect DS and drop him to you for a fee? get it all contracted properly so you know you have someone who will definitely do it and not bail on you after a few days.

sleeponeday · 18/09/2015 23:44

That person sounds a bit crap, tbh. You have an ill child, fgs, you aren't partying till dawn.

Is your situation generally known about? I am sure if there are some SAHM who live nearish to you, they could walk to say the end of your street, or the one nearest both them and you, and you meet them there. That would at least reduce the walk for your poorly child.

Sorry you are dealing with this. It does sound very hard. Could you ask to talk through options with the school? They may have an after school club type suggestion to make, maybe?

Original poster
Notenoughhoursever · 18/09/2015 23:49

I don't think after school club would be an option as although there are activities after school every day they have to be pre booked and paid for and are run by outside agencies so not the actual school after school provision

A few people are aware of the situation but I'm guilty of doing the "I'm fine Grin"'thing so people may not be aware that in reality things are crap and I want to burst into tears if I say anything other than I'm fine and plaster on a fake smile. I obviously need to be more honest and try and get a few people who are willing (genuinely willing !) to help if needs be

OP posts:
Griphook · 18/09/2015 23:53

Yanbu, and I think the school should be more understanding, whilst it's not fair on you ds missing his education sometimes things are out of your control.
If possible sit in reception for an hour or so until ds is ready to be collected.

ohtheholidays · 19/09/2015 00:40

I hope you find someone to help out OP and I hope your little girl gets better soon.

It's a shame that not so many people seem willing to help one another out now.Over the years I've helped many a neighbor or Mum's I knew from the school by taking they're child/children to school/picking them or sometimes both.Some of the time I was a single Mum with 4DC and one of my sons was disabled,since we've had our 5th DC also disabled and I've become disabled my DH has still helped out taking our friends 2DC and picking them up from school if they're Dad gets caught at work.He's also ended up dropping of a fare few children at the secondary that have missed the bus bless them and live miles from the school.