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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking for a friend. DDs teacher seems to be out to get her

29 replies

WalfordEast · 18/09/2015 15:51

Firstly a bit of back story: this teacher was new in last year. Not an NQT, but shes mid 20s.

Friends DS is very much an overachiever. Has already been moved up a year. He gets set work in school and will complete it a lot quicker than the other children and then will sit and read his book while the others catch up. This teacher taught him last year, and took a disliking to it, and pulled in my friend and her DP a couple of times about it- but apparantly all the teacher did was critisize, not actually suggest any practical advice.

Anyway, her DD is now being taught by the same teacher- and has had problems from day one. Straight away she was sat in the front of the class, and has told her Mum this teacher likes to single her out whenever she can. Apprantley she will get sent out of class for the smallest thing, such as forgetting her pencil case while other children get away with it.

The last incident was yesterday. Friends DD was getting changed after swimming, and her and another girl couldnt find their underwear so left their costume on underneath their uniform (still in summer dresses)- friends DD was shouted at and accused of being lazy, while not a word was said to the other girl.

Would ny friend BU to make a complaint to the head? She has said she doesnt want to talk to the teacher because of the experiences she had with her last year.

OP posts:
Chillyegg · 18/09/2015 15:56

Could your friend make a note of all of these occasions and armed with examples go to the head teacher and ask her daughter to be moved. Also could she write to the governors kick up a stink! A teacher shouldn't be showing favouritism

Worrier321 · 18/09/2015 16:00

This happened to one of my children in Sixth who was relentlessly picked on for no obvious reason other than being quiet and not likely to complain. It was so extreme that it was very obvious to other classmates.

I went to the Head of Year with examples. The teacher was given mentoring to improve her behaviour. She later started picking on someone else though. I think it is bullying behaviour - I would not put up with it at work, so why is it ok at school?

The only warning I would give is to ensure the story is absolutely true and not exaggerated.

PissPotPourri · 18/09/2015 16:01

Couldn't find their underwear? I'd be more bothered about that...

AgentZigzag · 18/09/2015 22:43

You'd be more worried about the girls losing their undies than the girl feeling as though she's being bullied by a teacher PissPot?

DC lose items constantly at school and kegs are so small, or is it that you're suggesting there's something more to it because they were nickers?

Either way, very bizarre.

I thought the same as Chilly about writing everything down but that puts a lot of pressure on your friend's DD to recount things as they are, and really the incidents are irrelevant because if the DD feels as though she's being treated unfairly then it needs to be addressed.

I would go and have a word with the HT and base what I would do next on what their reaction was.

Best case scenario is that the HT will take it seriously and look into it before getting back to your friends, worse is that they brush them off, if they do that just keep on at them until they sort it.

How old is the girl?

TheTroubleWithAngels · 18/09/2015 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 18/09/2015 22:52

What's he supposed to be doing Angels?

I can't think why she would take something like that to his parents, it's in her fucking class!

If she didn't want him to sit reading she should have given him more work.

TheTroubleWithAngels · 18/09/2015 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneDay103 · 18/09/2015 22:56

You're relaying as third party info here op. You don't really know all sides of the story.

cremeeggboycotter · 18/09/2015 23:14

I'd keep a note of things and then speak to the teacher about it. It could be just third hand information and misinterpretations or the teacher could be a wanker. Best to have examples to ask about and point to.

CharleyDavidson · 18/09/2015 23:29

One of my class asked me this week if he should read his book when he finished his maths. I told him he wouldn't be finishing all the work I had available for him! There should always be the chance for consolidating or extending work when they've completed an initial task.

IonaNE · 19/09/2015 00:20

The boy in question has already moved up a year. If he completes the work ahead of everyone else despite being a year younger, he has earned the privilege of reading a book in my opinion. Everyone is entitled to read a book in their free time and if he has completed the work, it's his free time.

AgentZigzag · 19/09/2015 00:28

By the sounds of it Iona he may as well have been hung for a sheep as a lamb and started pissing around putting everyone else off their work.

I just can't imagine a teacher complaining about one of the children reading a book, unless the OP's going to come back and tell us it was 50 shades, trainspotting or something.

Fatmomma99 · 19/09/2015 00:33

I would say DEF make a record of all the incidents that are reported to you. Where possible, get confirmation (children only see things from their POV).

There should be a structure:

Class teacher
Head of year/key stage
Head
Gvnr
LA

And you should start at the bottom and work up. if you feel you can't go to C.T, got to head of year before you go to the head. Have some evidence when you do.

If you don't get satisfaction, escalate up the ladder.

Keep notes of every meeting.

Good luck!

RaskolnikovsGarret · 19/09/2015 05:38

On MN, people often don't seem to believe what DCs say, and assume they are exaggerating etc. Your friend should go the head OP, the teacher's behaviour sounds wrong.

Scarydinosaurs · 19/09/2015 05:54

I would keep a simple record of misdemeanours and their consequences over a week and request a meeting with the head for him to explain why your child is being treated to this 'system' that must go against the school discipline policy.

I would suggest personality clash and push for a class change.

Spartans · 19/09/2015 07:27

It is likely that since you are getting the story via a friend via her ds, you don't have the full story.

But tbh regardless of that, the process is simple. She needs to speak to the teacher about her concerns. If she isn't happy with the outcome she needs to speak to the HT and work her way up the chain.

It may transpire that other children are told off or that the teacher didn't know the other girl have left her costume on. Although I am confused that no one is worried why 2 girls have lost their underwear at the swimming pool. That suggest someone has taken it (maybe bullying happening) or they did indeed decided to do it together. Or maybe the teacher doesn't know 2 girls had underwear missing.

Your friend may find that her dd has been influenced by her older brother (or indeed your fiend) moaning about the teacher, and she thinks that she can get away with misbehaving by saying the teacher doesn't like her, or that indeed the teacher is horrible. But she has to make a start somewhere.

I assume she complained about the way the teacher spoke I her last year?

PissPotPourri · 19/09/2015 07:59

Spartans I raised the issue of the underwear and got questioned by agent. To me, somebody was playing a trick / bullying in which case the teacher is taking issue with the wrong child, or the girls thought it was a cool thing to do and egged each other on. In which case she may be a bit "spirited". Two friends do not just lose their underwear at the same time!

GoblinLittleOwl · 19/09/2015 08:46

Your 'friend' needs to sort this out herself, not download to everyone else.

Saltedcaramel4 · 19/09/2015 08:56

Yep bulletin point all the incidents. Talk to the head

anothernumberone · 19/09/2015 09:18

I have seen it happen first hand in school. It is bullying and bullies make it into teaching the same as any workplace. would document and go straight over her head in spite of the usual way of dealing with issues because of the nature of the issue. We had a minor example of this with dd where her resource teacher actually called to let us know what was going on. Dd was being held back during her breaks by teacher because she was not completing her work in time. Dd is dyslexic and dyspraxic and majorly struggles with handwriting. We initially took it as a positive although completely misguided attempt by the teacher to improve her performance as did dd. it turned out from speaking to other parents that she was absolutely evil to all the boys in the class and unless you were a bright girl you regularly arrived at dds or a similar punishment.

TheTroubleWithAngels · 19/09/2015 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/09/2015 09:39

RaskolnikovsGarret
On MN, people often don't seem to believe what DCs say, and assume they are exaggerating etc.

IMO most people on MN believe do believe that the children are telling the truth, up to a point and that point is when the teachers response starts to look justified.

Whatever the truth of this the only way to find out will be to talk to all parties involved.

Idefix · 19/09/2015 09:47

Wow there is some fine form going on here mnetters Hmm

Op your friend does need to go to the head with her concerns, they sound reasonable. The dd is already telling her dm what Is happening to her so documenting is not going cause further trauma.

Losing knickers is nothing, my dd lost her skirt last term she is in yr 9. Another girl mistook it for hers when she could not find her own later found in school bag by dm my dd was also told off for this and accused of mucking about when she refused to accept wearing a very dirty, far too small skirt that was found for her. It happens all time, I don't dd is special in this.

Surprises me how many people are reluctant to believe children over some matters. Bullies are everywhere as are dodgy teaching practices.

Spartans · 19/09/2015 10:02

trouble firstly, I have never had underwear go missing. Definitely not two pairs. And we don't know if that was the only thing going missing. We know that two girls lost their underwear. Other kids could have lost more.

So why is that successful? Why would the parent know details of everything else that's gone?

Spartans · 19/09/2015 10:06

I don't think anyone is suggesting the knickers can't have gone missing.

Just that there is a chance, if the parents speaks to the teacher, that it may not be as clear cut as she thinks.

Does no one else's children make stuff up or not rely information accurately.

There is a chance the teacher is a bully, there is also a chance she isn't and other things are at play. Which is why everyone has said to speak to the school. No one has said assume the child is to blame and the teacher is innocent.

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