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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD- To consider plastic surgery

56 replies

Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 17:42

Hi,

I had to name change for this. This is not necessarily an AIBU, but more of 'What would you do', if you had the same issue as me.

To get started, I loathe my lips and my nose. I'm very nervous to undergo surgery for my nose, but may do this years later.

I hate the size of my lips, they are very big, yes biggish lips do look attractive on some people. But my lips are REALLY big, they have no shape, they look like two pieces of bananas that have been stuck on my mouth and my bottom lips hangs!

I am very self conscience of my lips, I did get teased a lot in primary school over them. But I NEVER take pictures of myself and I will beg my friends not to include me in their photo shots, as my lips ruin the picture. Honestly, I have only taken one picture of myself and DS and that's was when he was born. For the past 8 years, I have resorted to hiding my lips when I'm out in public, meaning I pressed my two lips together constantly and I have a bad habit of biting into them ( In hope I can take off some of the skin).

I'm not comfortable with talking to people who I don't really know well, as I'm worried that they are looking at my humongous lips. When people are rude to me, I try not to get rude back as I worry that they may use my size of my lips against me.

I'm 23 now and I'm considering looking to reduce the size of my lips. My friend sneakily took a picture of me some years ago and sent it to me a couple of days ago ( as a "omg look how much we've changed) and I literally wanted to vomit when I saw the picture of myself. My lips took over my face, it was just terrible. Though I'm not sure if I should consider surgery, I'm worried that reducing the size of my lips may change my whole facial appearance. Some people have told me that I am attractive, though I do not believe this, maybe they think I am because of my hair and my eyes. But I would like to take photos of DS and I and not having to worry what I look like in a picture.

I feel like my lips (and my nose) are effecting my daily life.

Don't know where to begin with researching as this procedure doesn't seem common as the majority of people get lips surgery to increase the size of them.

WWYD?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 17/09/2015 18:24

I had my nose done after years and years of being paranoid and like you, refusing all photographs and being quite sure - really quite sure - that anyone I met was looking at my nose in abject horror. I still think they were! Having it done gave me the kind of freedom that it's hard to explain to someone who has only ever had features that fit perfectly onto their faces. Incidentally my surgeon would only give me a nose that 'fit my face' rather than the cute little turned up nubbin that I asked for - and that's the mark of a good surgeon. I don't know about lips, but they can do so much these days.
I say go for it - do your research and heed the advice given by those in the know who posted above - but definitely go for it. Good luck!

MaidOfStars · 17/09/2015 18:27

Ah, I was beginning to suspect this (I couldn't find a way to ask it outright before you alluded to it!). A question about scarring. Do you suffer from keloid scars (more common with black skin)? I don't think mucosal tissue tends to keloids as much as non-mucosal skin, but you don't want excessive scarring stopping you smiling!

Original poster
Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 18:27

Thanks so much Rachel, but I have a bulbous tip, which I like to trim down. I don't want my nose to look like an european nose as to achieve this, may look like Michael Jackson's.

I need to research nostril slimming too... so much to think about. How much do you think lip reduction will cost??

OP posts:
LadySheherazade · 17/09/2015 18:27

There was a woman on a tv show years ago (probably ten years or more - at the time when Trinny and Susannah were popular) who had her lips reduced. She really had enormous lips, it did improve the look massively.

I don't think it's a bad idea, but I do think you should explore some counselling before you embark on anything drastic. You seem to have built it up to fever pitch in your mind. What do you friends say?

LadySheherazade · 17/09/2015 18:28

Just seen your update OP - the lady on the tv show was African-American. I'm trying to find it but as I said, it is old!

Original poster
Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 18:30

FarFromAnyRoad I'm so glad to hear from someone whose was going through the exact same feelings as I do about my facial appearance. Are you happy with your nose now?

Maidofstars I forgot about that! I do have piercings, which I did get a bit of keloid scarring from, but because I'm so vicious when it comes to those things, I actively treat it before the keloid appears.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 18:32

LadySheherazade Aw I wish I could see the clip, please tell me the name if you get the chance. Of course my friends are saying "No, don't do it".. "I'm fine the way I am"... blah blah blah.

OP posts:
RachelZoe · 17/09/2015 18:34

I have no idea re the costs, if it's a general anaesthetic (which it probably would be) and a hospital job then it will cost a fair bit, think thousands not hundreds but this varies greatly from surgeon to surgeon.

MaidOfStars · 17/09/2015 18:44

Procedure as I said ^. Small incisions on inside of lip, removal of tissue.

Local anesthetic, 1 hour, £1500 (some basic searches).

Original poster
Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 18:51

Thanks Maidofstars!

Rachel Do you think jaw surgery may help?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 17/09/2015 18:56

I was happy with it almost the day after Say - I have only ever thought of it as the nose I was supposed to have. The old monster doesn't feature in my thoughts these days!

Original poster
Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 19:04

FarFromAnyRoad when you were coming up to the surgery, did you have any second thoughts? How many consultations did you go to?

OP posts:
RachelZoe · 17/09/2015 19:09

I have no idea re jaw surgery, sorry Grin, it will depend case by case, a good surgeon will do as little as possible for the result you want and be conservative so if they can get your result with the procedure Maidofstars mentions then they probably will do just that. Write it on your list of questions to take to the surgeon as an option to discuss.

TheWatchersCouncil · 17/09/2015 19:11

Do your research carefully. You want a surgeon who specialises in facial plastic surgery - not a cosmetic surgeon, and not a general surgeon who does a bit of everything. Make sure they are accredited with every professional body they need to be accredited with.

Ask what the realistic end result would be for you. They have computer modelling programmes so you can see what you would look like after the procedure. Ask about any downsides to having the procedure done. Ask about all complications and risks and ask what that surgeon's rate of complication and risk is. Then ask about them in specific terms as they relate to YOU.

Yes, expect to pay for the first consultation - anything free is likely to be a sales pitch. Make sure the consultation is with the actual surgeon who would be doing the procedure - some of the more budget places try to palm you off on another member of staff, who may not have any medical or nursing qualifications at all. The cost of the initial consultation may be offset against the cost of the procedure, if you decide to go ahead, but not all clinics and surgeons will offer this.

There are financial organisations that offer finance for cosmetic surgery - it might be worth looking a whether any of those are good. But be careful about terms and conditions and interest rates - may end up better off sticking it on a credit card and paying it off.

Good luck! I think there is absolutely no harm in investigating procedures.

PalcumTowder · 17/09/2015 19:26

I wanted to echo all those saying go for it if it's making you that unhappy.

I know a little about how you feel as I have a very gummy smile and am really self conscious about it, to the point that hardly any photos exist of me fully smiling. I always cover my mouth if I'm laughing and it's the first thing I notice about other people - how no gum shows when they smile.

It's awful to feel so crushingly self conscious. I hope you get the results you want, or manage to find acceptance of yourself some other way.Flowers

PalcumTowder · 17/09/2015 19:28

Oh - I meant to add that it almost definitely isn't as noticeable to anyone else as it is to you. You said people tell you you're attractive, believe them! People often tell me the same and I actually try to force myself to look at the good things and not focus on my smile. It has worked a lot Over the years but it's still difficult.

Original poster
Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 19:36

Thank you palcumtowder.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 17/09/2015 19:44

OP, when I received an unexpected £2000 from my great uncle's will many decades ago, the first thing I thought was:- "Now I can get a nose job!". I went to see my GP and he referred me to a Harley Street surgeon (who I only found out many years later was very eminent indeed - the co-founder with Archie McIndoe of the Guinea Pig Club at the Queen Victoria Hospital, East Grinstead) I went for the consultation and booked the surgery for a few months later and the result was fantastic. Please remember that just because you will be paying privately, it doesn't mean that you can't speak to your GP about it and get referred. I seriously doubt I would have found this surgeon without this referral. It was completely painless btw. Bear in mind the "bruising" around the eyes after a nose job is only blood from the procedure that hasn't been reabsorbed yet, and therefore there is none of the tenderness you would associated with true bruising.

Yarboosucks · 17/09/2015 19:45

If you are African, then can I ask how you scar? I have a couple of black friends whose skin forms very raised scars…. Might be something to consider.

Also, if I look at REALLY wealthily people who have had work done, they always look weird! If it goes wrong for them with all their money, what hope is there for us poor mortals!?!

softhedgehog · 17/09/2015 19:48

A free first consultation is a massive red flag telling you to avoid the place as they then make their money by pressuring you into the surgery.

IsabelleEberhardt · 17/09/2015 20:12

I really don't want to be a bore and I'm not against plastic surgery but it strikes me that you really hate your features. I know that's stating the obvious but it sounds like when I was in the midst of BDD.

I would bash hard on my hips in the hope of making them narrower. I would spend hours staring in mirrors. I hate my head because it was tiny, and my eyes were like pinholes. I obsessed constantly. Sometimes I wouldn't want to leave the house. I was so convinced I looked like a freak.

Now I look back at photos (the few there are!) and see I was totally in proportion. I can see that in the mirror now that I look normal. I really couldn't see it at the time. No-one else saw me like I did back then, only me, but I thought everyone else was lying. I still have bad days but they are more in the minority.

I'm not trying to preach or patronise, just wanted to offer my story in case it would help you. Like I said I'm not against plastic surgery but I think if the problem is mental like mine was, surgery wouldn't have made it better. Not saying yours is mental btw. Sorry really trying not to come across as patronising here!

Original poster
Sayitagain90 · 17/09/2015 21:06

Thanks Isabelle and no it doesn't sound patronising at all! It definitely something I can research about...maybe it is mental.

Grunt, I'll definitely take to my GP.... I do not want to get judged though, do you think this may happen? I definitely do not want all the other doctors to know about it, since if I ask, it would show up on my medical file.

Yarboosucks Hmm..well I have a couple of cartilage piercings, which did form raise scars, but if I cut myself, I don't get raised scars.

OP posts:
Heebiejeebie · 17/09/2015 21:21

Google your borough IAPT. It's a free NHS self-referral psychology service. Go and talk to someone about the way your face makes you feel. And if you still feel the same way see an nhs plastic surgeon (your gp may refer you or if not, at least point you towards someone who has a reputable local practice) -and talk through the possibilities. Don't scrimp on the £200 consultation fee when you're thinking of irreparably altering your face.

Gruntfuttock · 17/09/2015 21:23

Well obviously I can't predict how your GP will react. Mine simply listened to my reasons and how I will pay and went ahead and referred me, i.e. he treated me like an adult who knew what she was doing. There wasn't the slightest hint of any judging, it was all very straightforward and matter of fact. Medical confidentiality is taken extremely seriously of course. To be frank I haven't the slightest idea if the plastic surgery is on my medical records or not. Nor do I care. It was a success, it's in the past and had zero impact on my health. Of no more significance than buying a particular moisturiser or cleanser. I'm just glad I went via my GP because the surgeon he referred me to was the best I could have had. It was never mentioned at my GP's after that at all. There was no need.

FarFromAnyRoad · 17/09/2015 21:29

Say- not a single second thought. It was all I'd wanted for so many years that I couldn't wait to get it done. I think I had two consultations before and two after. It was uncomfortable for a couple of weeks after and then it's been fine ever since - it just looks like the nose I should have been born with.
What I think looks weird is when surgery has been done for no reason apart from they could. So an already perfect nose tinkered with, huge great stick out cricket balls tits, lips that have been filled to within an inch of their life and faces lifted just once too often. For one or two features that, if changed, will enhance your life immeasurably I think it's perfectly acceptable.

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