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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this remark crossed a line...

40 replies

minionmadness · 16/09/2015 22:58

Dts's go to our local primary (in the small local town where I grew up, although I only moved back here when they were born, DH, born and lived in London all his life). Including dts's there are only 5 non white dc at the school, out of 450. Never had any issues in school, both sons are very popular both in and out of school and have very distinctive hair. School is a very good school, no worries. I say this as I believe relevant.

Tonight dts1 told me that 3 boys from the year ahead (YR4) were saying rude things about his hair.. when I asked him why he told me that these boys were making fun of a girl in his class about her toy, she has special needs so he asked them to leave her alone. They apparently rounded on him, telling him to... "go away fuzzy headed afro boy". Dts1 didn't react but took the girl away from them to another part of the playground. He said he wasn't scared (incidentally he is taller than all three of these boys), but I've told him to always walk away.

Now I get that children say mean and cruel things to each other but to me this overstepped a line into something else and I should raise it with school so that these boys can be told why making negative remarks about a persons features associated with their ethnicity is not acceptable.

AIBU... or PFB

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/09/2015 23:00

Yes, raise it with the school. It's unacceptable.

DixieNormas · 16/09/2015 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DamsonInDistress · 16/09/2015 23:01

YANBU. They need to be told now rather than getting arrested when they say worse things as adults. And the school need to stamp on any bigotry, bullying, or potential racism quick smart.

CrapBag · 16/09/2015 23:02

YANBU. This is unacceptable. First they are picking on a child with special needs, then a non white child. You definitely need to inform the school as it needs to be dealt with. They don't sound like nice children. Good job your DS wasn't intimidated.

InimitableJeeves · 16/09/2015 23:05

Absolutely tell the school. They will have policies in place in relation to bullying and racism and will both need and want to deal with this quickly.

Fatmomma99 · 16/09/2015 23:06

sorry to ask, but what (or who) is a dts?

And no, not U at ALL. You NEED to tell the school (and they need to report it as a rascist incident and deal with it as part of their RSCHPE.

The back story (girl with SN) is also relevant, so report this too.

School should be MORTIFIED and should deal, but prob won't tell you how they deal.

RueDesTroisFreres · 16/09/2015 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RachelZoe · 16/09/2015 23:11

Firstly, well done for raising such a lovely and kind boy, he did the right thing defending that girl and removing her from the situation.

Re the afro remark, yes tell the school, it's absolutely out of line.

travertine · 16/09/2015 23:13

What is a Dts? non whites, very distinctive hair? 'fuzzy headed afro boy' I find it hard to believe that this actually happened.

Farandole · 16/09/2015 23:16

I don't know that the school will be/should be MORTIFIED in upper case, but yes report it and they have to deal with it.

Your son sounds lovely :)

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/09/2015 23:16

I thought it might be twin?

Definitely worth raising with the school.

DixieNormas · 16/09/2015 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChunkyPickle · 16/09/2015 23:18

Tell the school - these are bullies looking for anything different to pick on, and they need to be pulled aside and taught that that isn't acceptable behaviour. Bullying mustn't be tolerated.

Your son needs to be congratulated on his kind, brave, and absolutely correct behaviour (lots of young kids might have handled this in a much worse way).

ToGoBoldly · 16/09/2015 23:19

I'm mixed raced a d definitely had fuzzy haired comments thrown my way at school. If this story is made up it's entirely believable.

Yanbu op

ChunkyPickle · 16/09/2015 23:20

I believe the insult - primary age kids aren't exactly inventive (mine gets a rhyme with his name when they want to wind him up - not particularly insulting or inventive, but it works)

Original poster
minionmadness · 16/09/2015 23:23

What is a Dts? non whites, very distinctive hair? 'fuzzy headed afro boy' I find it hard to believe that this actually happened

Are you bored dear Confused Why is this so hard to believe? What part don't you believe, go search my history which should put you straight!

For everyone else, thanks, I will speak with his CT in the morning.

OP posts:
GlitzAndGigglesx · 16/09/2015 23:23

travertine you must live in a very isolated place then. I live in a very multicultural part of London and have still had comments made about my non white children myself.

OP it sounds like you've raised lovely children

Keeptrudging · 16/09/2015 23:24

Please tell the school. Most would be horrified and want to nip this in the bud straight away. It's a serious matter and these boys should be left feeling that they never want to make remarks like that again.

travertine · 16/09/2015 23:27

Well I genuinely apologise, I have children with a mixed parentage and we live in an area where my children stand out. (sorry everything is so bloody pc I don't even know how to say it) I can't believe that there are still people with attitudes like this.

Original poster
minionmadness · 16/09/2015 23:28

He is a very kind and considerate boy and has always stood up against what he believes is wrong. I'm very proud of him for that. He is very tall for his age so is not easily intimidated by bullies.

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 16/09/2015 23:37

Just to be VERY clear, I am not the OP and I didn't know what DTS stood for. (because - and sorry if i'm wrong) there are a lot of posts here which to me seem to be blurring the original OP with my question/comment.

And I'm sorry that I didn't say how lovely your DS sounds, Minion, because he does!

And yes, Farandole, I thought the capitalization was appropriate.

sleeponeday · 16/09/2015 23:42

DS has SN and has been bullied. I would be so grateful if this intervention had happened for him. Thank you for raising such a good kid.

These kids were ableist and racist. The little fuckers need intervention so they learn that it's unacceptable behaviour - sadly not a lesson they appear to have been taught at home. A good school will deal with it, definitely talk to them.

TrevaronGirl · 16/09/2015 23:47

OP, I think you need to explain. What is your complaint?

Original poster
minionmadness · 16/09/2015 23:50

Apology accepted travertine

I am very proud of him, he is a very kind considerate boy who has always stood up against what he believes is wrong. He is very confident so is not easily intimidated and when asked why he didn't challenge them, he said he just wanted to get his classmate away from them.

I've always taught them to be proud of who they are... not what they are.

OP posts:
smellylittleorange · 16/09/2015 23:53

OP, I think you need to explain. What is your complaint? TrevaronGirl they called him a "fuzzy headed afro boy" OP wishes to "raise it with school so that these boys can be told why making negative remarks about a persons features associated with their ethnicity is not acceptable".