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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this remark crossed a line...

40 replies

minionmadness · 16/09/2015 22:58

Dts's go to our local primary (in the small local town where I grew up, although I only moved back here when they were born, DH, born and lived in London all his life). Including dts's there are only 5 non white dc at the school, out of 450. Never had any issues in school, both sons are very popular both in and out of school and have very distinctive hair. School is a very good school, no worries. I say this as I believe relevant.

Tonight dts1 told me that 3 boys from the year ahead (YR4) were saying rude things about his hair.. when I asked him why he told me that these boys were making fun of a girl in his class about her toy, she has special needs so he asked them to leave her alone. They apparently rounded on him, telling him to... "go away fuzzy headed afro boy". Dts1 didn't react but took the girl away from them to another part of the playground. He said he wasn't scared (incidentally he is taller than all three of these boys), but I've told him to always walk away.

Now I get that children say mean and cruel things to each other but to me this overstepped a line into something else and I should raise it with school so that these boys can be told why making negative remarks about a persons features associated with their ethnicity is not acceptable.

AIBU... or PFB

OP posts:
Original poster
minionmadness · 16/09/2015 23:53

Trevarongirl I believe that making a derogatory remark about a feature associated with a certain race is offensive.

OP posts:
ephemeralfairy · 16/09/2015 23:54

Trevaron what on earth do you mean?? there has been an incident of ableist and racist bullying...surely OP's complaint is quite clear??

Original poster
minionmadness · 16/09/2015 23:55

Thanks "smelly* Wink you got there before me...

OP posts:
slicedfinger · 16/09/2015 23:55

Talk to the school. Both are issues which ought to be stopped before they turn into a specific sort of bullying that they will have to record officially. They ought to want to know.

Farandole · 16/09/2015 23:57

Fatmomma, I'm not sure a corporate entity (such as a school) can ever be mortified. My point was that I don't really care if they are, or if they're entirely casual about it - I think the OP should report the incident as once she does, the school has to deal with it as a matter of policy and regulation.

I also have mixed heritage kids, not that I think that's relevant to my views in this specific context.

TrevaronGirl · 16/09/2015 23:58

Missed point entirely - OP needs to explain what exactly is her complaint. Not the comment - the complaint...

travertine · 17/09/2015 00:00

I apologise sincerely, I thought you were on a wind up because I can't honestly believe people think like that. Was never my intention to insult you and your family. best wishes x

smellylittleorange · 17/09/2015 00:06

OP has not said she has a complaint though she said she wanted to raise it with school that the boys overstepped mark by effectively racially abusing her son. It seems to me that she was seeking reassurance that she was not overreacting.

For record OP I don't think you are by reporting to school. No brainer to me.

RachelZoe · 17/09/2015 00:11

TrevaronGirl - what do you mean? OP's complaint is that someone made a derogatory remark to her DS and she wanted to know if she was BU for thinking it was out of line and wanting to speak to the school. What else does she need to explain?

leghoul · 17/09/2015 00:53

Trevarnon go back under the bridge - the school needs to be made aware of the behaviour of its Y4 pupils & ensure appropriate education and talks are had. OP should complain to the head in writing and document the incidents in question. It's not only about her DC but also the unacceptable conduct these other children showed the other child. Both aspects are completely unacceptable.

CheesecakeDreams · 17/09/2015 02:42

YANBU. Raise it with the school!

TheHouseOnTheLane · 17/09/2015 03:19

Your DS sounds wonderful standing up for a vulnerable child like that. Actually brought tears to my eyes....those little shits! I hope the school responds to this appropriately....the children need a stern talking to about this!

Original poster
minionmadness · 17/09/2015 08:26

Trevarnon I don't understand why you don't get it... it seems pretty clear to everyone else Confused

Thanks all, after sleeping on it I'm going to speak with his CT this morning.

OP posts:
LoseLooseLucy · 17/09/2015 08:30

Your son sounds lovely, OP.

Absolutely raise the issue.

TrevaronGirl · 23/09/2015 23:08

OP - how did it pan out?

I can appreciate my confusion, we are looking at the situation from radically differing perspectives. Don't worry about that, we are obviously quite different.

Did you get the result you expected?

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