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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask when you would expect CM to stop?

48 replies

redgoat · 15/09/2015 22:27

SD turned 18 in June. DH paid CM until end August. SD is taking a year out and going to university next September.

(Of course there's a back story and more details but first I'd like to see what people think with the very bare bones of the question)

OP posts:
Samcro · 15/09/2015 22:28

it will stop once she leaves eduction, won't get it at university

Samcro · 15/09/2015 22:28

oops sorry I misread it as CB so please ignore me

backwardpossom · 15/09/2015 22:30

Assuming CM is child maintenance and not childminder, I'd say until they leave full time secondary education.

Original poster
redgoat · 15/09/2015 22:31

Sorry, CM is Child Maintenance.

OP posts:
AvaCrowder · 15/09/2015 22:33

Do you have dc with your dh?

monkeysox · 15/09/2015 22:33

When they leave sixth form or equivalent

m1nniedriver · 15/09/2015 22:34

What will she be doing in her year out and where will she be living?

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 15/09/2015 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AccioGin · 15/09/2015 22:35

I think after a DC goes to Uni any money is paid to them/their halls etc, not to RP. Gap year depends if working, where living, if travelling, etc

SavoyCabbage · 15/09/2015 22:35

When she doesn't need it anymore I suppose.

Original poster
redgoat · 15/09/2015 22:37

I have children with my DH. She will be living with her mum during her year out and working (and saving for university) while she is there. She got the results she needed so she's not at college doing resits.

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 15/09/2015 22:37

Ok, on what you've said so far, continuing to pay CM would be fine if she was doing something constructive with the year.
If she just fancied time off and was going to loaf about, or go travelling for fun (as opposed to volunteering overseas or similar) then I'd expect a conversation before any assumptions were made about finances.

Snossidge · 15/09/2015 22:38

He doesn't need to pay maintenance to her mother, but most parents would continue to financially support or help out their children until they are self-sufficient if they can afford to.

PurpleWithRed · 15/09/2015 22:38

Depends on what was agreed at the time the settlement was made I would think.

MsMermaid · 15/09/2015 22:40

Pay directly to the DD now she's an adult and not in education, but only if she's doing something with her gap year that won't earn her any money. When she's at uni, I'd expect both parents to be contributing something towards living costs, but that depends on their circumstances and how much she'll get as student loans.

m1nniedriver · 15/09/2015 22:40

I think he should just give her the money directly. Surely at 18 she is responsible for her own finances?

Noodledoodledoo · 15/09/2015 22:43

Agree depends on settlement, my parents was until full time education was completed. As we always stayed at home during holidays - effectively 22 weeks a year, nearly half a year back at home.

Most give support to children direct but do consider keeping a home for her, her mum will be incurring costs as well.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 15/09/2015 22:44

Once she is 18 I would think he would give her money directly, not to his ex.

marriednotdead · 15/09/2015 22:44

X posts. So is she going to be giving her mum 'housekeeping'? Or expecting her and your DH to fund the year?

It's a hard one. When my DD did the same thing before her MA, her dad continued to pay her mobile bill. I told her I wouldn't take any money off of her unless I saw her being extravagant.

Who do you think should fund the next year?

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 15/09/2015 22:45

If she's working full time I wouldn't expect her to be receiving any CM. her mother definitely shouldn't be getting any either. When the daughter goes to uni I believe he will be expected to contribute as her loans and so on will be calculated with his income as well as her mother's taken into account.

Seriouslyffs · 15/09/2015 22:46

I thought you were talking about a child minder!Shock

Original poster
redgoat · 15/09/2015 22:48

DH's plan (that he had discussed with DSD) was to save the CM from now on so that there was an amount of funds for when she starts uni as obviously there will be room deposits, initial books to get etc etc but not give her the money directly to ensure it is not frittered away in the interim year (or during Freshers week). He had also said to her that once she started uni he'll give the CM directly to her for the duration of her degree.

Ex has said that as she's still supporting DSD (as she's still living at home) that she'd like him to pay CM to her for a few more months (until Ex moves in with her boyfriend) then put it into an account in DSDs name that she will monitor.

I think we should say no. The money is there for DSD but he will control it not the ex. If it's not to be saved for the next 2-3 months then I think it should go to DSD and she can decide whether to give it to her mum or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
redgoat · 15/09/2015 22:50

I also think she should be giving her mum a proportion of her wages as board this year. If I was he mum I'd save this on the quiet for her but in my mind, learning to budget and be responsible for oneself is really important.

OP posts:
Apathyisthenewblah · 15/09/2015 22:51

We will pay to DH's ex until DSCs leave 6th form. We will then continue to provide financial support if they choose to go to Uni, learn to drive etc as we plan to for our DD. But after they leave compulsory education it will go to them not ex, regardless of where they are living!

m1nniedriver · 15/09/2015 22:53

Eh, basically she wants money until she moves in with her new partner Hmm

I'd say jog on love Shock some people!!