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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Baby Change Room Etiquette

61 replies

HappyIdiot · 14/09/2015 09:43

I honestly don't know if I was unreasonable in this situation, happy to be told I was.

I was at a motorway service station yesterday on a very long road journey with my family. I took DD (13mo) to the baby change room. There was a couple already waiting outside. I got talking to the woman while I was waiting, she had 19mo twins with her. She said that they had already been queuing for 15-20 minutes, which I was a bit surprised by.

While we were waiting, another 2 families joined the queue, with toddlers a similar age to DD, plus 1 older sibling. So, a total of 6 babies/children waiting plus various adults.

after waiting somewhere around 5 minutes, maybe a bit longer. I knocked on the door and said "sorry, but there's a bit of a queue out here" to which I got no response. After a couple more minutes, the door opened and out came a couple with a very young baby, maybe about 6 weeks-ish?

The woman looked a bit upset and flustered and said "sorry, I had to feed her" and then left. I know how hard it can be to get feeding going in the early days, especially in public and I feel bad if I've upset her. But also, I had a very pooey, grumpy DD who needed changing.

For info, there were no other changing facilities in the other toilets, and the change room was one of those that doesn't have a toilet, just a changing station, a sink, nappy bins and a chair for feeding.

So, WIBU for hurrying her along and potentially upsetting a new mum or was it ok for me to have knocked, bearing in mind I didn't know who was in there or why they were taking so long?

OP posts:
Pigeonpost · 14/09/2015 09:48

No, YWNBU to knock, you had no idea what was going on. Those rooms are utterly rank to feed in. They stink of smelly nappy bins, the idea is to get in and out as quickly as possible. But I guess if you are new mum struggling with bf'ing then sitting in the cafe area or in the car might not give you the room or the privacy you need to get baby latched on. But that's not the issue. Knocking was entirely reasonable. Incidentally, most of the time service stations also have pull down changing tables in the actual toilet areas as well as the specific baby changing room.

Jw35 · 14/09/2015 09:50

YANBU I would have done the same thing. The mum could have fed the baby anywhere. I would have been really peed off if I was the person waiting 20 mins!

hackmum · 14/09/2015 09:55

Do you need to ask? Baby changing rooms are for changing babies in, not for breast-feeding. It was completely unreasonable of her to hog the room for feeding her baby. It's a shame she felt she couldn't feed her baby in public.

HoneyDragon · 14/09/2015 09:58

Odd? I'd of preferred to sit in the car if it was a service station rather than a windowless room with a bin full of used nappies Confused

Her partner could've fetched her a drink whilst she fed the baby.

MummaGiles · 14/09/2015 09:58

Not unreasonable to knock - you weren't to know what she was doing in there.

HermioneWeasley · 14/09/2015 09:59

She was unreasonable to dominate the only baby changing facility for 20 mins. If she's that shy about feeding, she needs to get a feeding apron or something.

HoneyDragon · 14/09/2015 10:00

Mind you, I'd of changed my kids in the boot rather than cart everything to the changing room

hibbleddible · 14/09/2015 10:02

Yanbu to knock. The room might have been empty and locked for all you know.

I feel sorry for the poor woman if she felt like she had to go into the changing nrokm to feed her baby. Like pps have said they are pretty smelly.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/09/2015 10:03

Not unreasonable to knock, no - but some of the comments are a bit Hmm. A little bit of compassion for someone just getting to grips with bf, who is obviously uncomfortable feeding in public (I mean, who would feed in a change room if they could possibly avoid it?), wouldn't go amiss.

ijustwannadance · 14/09/2015 10:03

I would've sat in back of car to feed. Those rooms are foul.

Scobberlotcher · 14/09/2015 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jw35 · 14/09/2015 10:12

I don't think anybody would not sympathise with the new mum getting to grips with feeding but that doesn't make it anymore reasonable to hog the changing room!

Sighing · 14/09/2015 10:13

I'd not have been the woman feeding in the changing room, but I'd also change a toddler in a toilet cubicle.
She was relatively new to it .... I'd cut her some slack as she could be pretty tired to think it all through (such as using the car, the coffee shop seats and considering other people where there are limited facilities).

gamerchick · 14/09/2015 10:13

The OP could have changed her baby in the car and I'd hazard a guess so could every single person in the queue.

Christ breastfeeding mothers get lambasted for feeding in public and told to go sit in the toilet and when they go somewhere smelly they get grief.

Can't win really Hmm

HoneyDragon · 14/09/2015 10:14

Which comments are lacking in compassion?

Also we're assuming the baby was being breast fed in there, what if they were formula feeding?

Sighing · 14/09/2015 10:15

P.s. ywnbu to knock. You had no idea what was going on in there. I once knocked to hear low moans and then a baby crying. A diabetic mum had had a bit of a crash. Fortunately it was OK. She managed to open the door and her partner swooped in.

DrCoconut · 14/09/2015 10:17

This is why the all too commonly heard attitude toward breastfeeding pisses me off. What a pity she felt unable to sit in the cafe or other public area. It was not unreasonable to knock though, she could have been ill or something.

Hoppipolar · 14/09/2015 10:18

Yanbu. I'm very nervous about breastfeeding in public even now with a 7 month old due to having big boobs and people look at you like you're sat there with both of them out. If we're in a service station or supermarket I sit in the car. Babt change rooms are gross lol

FishWithABicycle · 14/09/2015 10:18

Yanbu - if it's the only baby change it was not appropriate for her to hog it for that long. Plenty of other options for places to bf.

BathshebaDarkstone · 14/09/2015 10:19

Exactly what I was thinking gamer.

johnImonlydancing · 14/09/2015 10:21

YWNBU to knock, how could you know? How awful she felt hse couldn't breastfeed in public, poor woman :(

johnImonlydancing · 14/09/2015 10:21

YWNBU to knock, how could you know? How awful she felt hse couldn't breastfeed in public, poor woman :(

mileend2bermondsey · 14/09/2015 10:21

Odd? I'd of preferred to sit in the car if it was a service station rather than a windowless room with a bin full of used nappies
^^This.

ShadowLine · 14/09/2015 10:24

YANBU.

You had no way of knowing that someone was breastfeeding in there. It's a shame that she felt that she did have to go in the changing room. I've always fed in the car at service stations if I wanted privacy. Park away from other cars if possible, wedge a muslin cloth in the top of the window to make a curtain, and you've got a nice private breastfeeding room that doesn't stink of pooey nappies.

I also find it pretty annoying when places double up the only changing room with a breastfeeding room, like in this case. It's not well thought through. Aside from the smell issue, it's a good bet that anyone wanting to breastfeed in private will be interrupted by people needing to change nappies, especially as feeds can take an awful lot longer than nappy changes.

ChunkyPickle · 14/09/2015 10:24

Urgh - I do feel sorry for her, feeling she had to feed in one of those awful, dark, stinky rooms.

I don't really think it's appropriate to combine feeding and changing personally - even though it's so often done - I think it's a well meaning, but ill thought through reaction to a problem. Better to have the nappy change in the main toilets, and just make the room a breastfeeding/family room if you really have to.