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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU holiday plans?

41 replies

magicroundabouts · 14/09/2015 00:09

DH has been looking into booking a family beach holiday for next year. DC's will be 4 & 2 when we go. Thing is it isn't the kind of holiday either of us would book if we didn't have DC's and DH can get quite stressed out if things don't go according to the plan he has in his head ( not a great combo with young kids).

He thinks because there will be a beach the kids will automatically have a great time and was upset with me when I asked what else there would be to do. I said that I only want to go if he can manage his expectations i.e not strop when things don't go to plan (he has form for this).

He is now really pissed with me, as I am being negative and raining on his parade. He thinks he is organising a lovely family holiday, but I think it is too much pressure for the kids and it would be better to stay at home. So, AIBU and a bit of a bitch or was it a fair point to make?

OP posts:

Tulipblank · 14/09/2015 00:20

My 2 on our last holiday (2 and 6) loved the beach, although the 6 year old also enjoyed the water park, swimming pool kids club etc. I think your 2 year old shouldn't need anything else. I reckon your 4 year old will also be pretty happy with a beach.

Presumably you're not chained to the hotel/resort and can have a few trips out as well?

MakeItRain · 14/09/2015 00:22

It depends where the beach is! Funnily enough I was thinking about this recently. We went to Devon this year and had a fantastic time on rocky beaches, eating picnics and ice-creams, playing in pools, finding snails and digging in the sand. It made me think that, much as I love the idea of a hot beach abroad, it wouldn't really entertain my young DC in the same way. Really hot weather would be too much, and I actually think that until they can swim in the sea confidently, a hot, flat sandy beach might even be a bit boring for them But I love the beaches in England, especially Devon and my children have from a young age too.

lastqueenofscotland · 14/09/2015 00:28

Think it depends where you go. I really really really hate beach holidays, I did four days in south of France as a kind aunt took us, and even with trips out I was beginning to get bored by the end of the week, I don't have an off switch and I actually find that sort of forced relaxation more stressful!!

ShanghaiDiva · 14/09/2015 00:34

I think generally kids have a great time at the beach, although I think the rocky beaches are more interesting. However, I do think it is important to have a back up plan too - what if it rains, what else is there to do -ad it's not a criticism of your dh's plans to think about these alternatives.

OwlinaTree · 14/09/2015 00:39

Do you think you might be over thinking it a bit? What do your 2 and 4 year old like to do when you are at home? Play in the park, swimming, play in the garden? They will be able to do all that on holiday. However, you know your husband, so I guess if you think it is a problem that's your call.

Seems a shame not to have a holiday when you have the chance to, it's a lovely opportunity to have family time.

Bogeyface · 14/09/2015 00:46

At that age I would look at holidaying in the UK tbh. Far more to do, familiar food and a choice between beach or days out.

There are a lot of family friendly places in the UK, DD's favourite place in the whole world is Llandudno, she just adores it!

I would save forrin parts until they are a fair bit older.

Bogeyface · 14/09/2015 00:46

ALso, I wouldnt want to risk a lot of money on going abroad with someone who chucks a hissy fit when reality doesnt measure up to fantasy (how do you deal with that on a day to day basis? It must be exhausting!)

OwlinaTree · 14/09/2015 00:49

Usually cheaper to go abroad and more likely to have nice weather.

Sighing · 14/09/2015 07:31

Of course there'll be things for youngsters to do and enjoy. I'd suggest stretching to hiring a car or properly checking out local transport for some little out and about days. The internet is great for funding out what's local / available for diversions.

DoreenLethal · 14/09/2015 07:38

a - are your family always under such pressure to perform well so that your poor husband doesn't strop off?
b - isn't he proving your point with this attitude?
c - one word - RAIN! It is more than reasonable to ask what else there is to do especially when it rains.

Can you tell him to grow the fuck up and act like an adult?

Spartans · 14/09/2015 07:42

I really can't say whether Yabu or not. Depends on where it is and what his expectations are.

We have beach holidays with young kids they loved it

WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/09/2015 07:47

If I were you, I'd be looking for a holiday that advertises itself as a Family Friendly or one with a Kids Club. Thompson holidays do great kids clubs even for little ones like your kids. It would mean that for an hour or two in the morning and again in the afternoon, they do some activity that by the end of the day will leave them happy but tired (so they'll sleep).

Also, if they aren't disrupting your DH idea of what a 'fun' holiday should be, they he'll be happy too, right?

It may cost a little more to go on a holiday like that but believe me it is so worth it.

myotherusernameisbetter · 14/09/2015 07:48

As long as there is a pool and a beach and you throw a few toys in the case they will have a great time. Holiday resorts abroad cater well to young children and unlike the UK actually like them. Take a buggy for night time as they will be up late. Choose a hotel/apartment with a play area/ kids club and there will probably be entertainment on for them too in the early evening. If it rains, which is obvs less likely than the UK, then go out on a trip or use the kids club or stay in and have a duvet day. But it's usually warm rain so no reason that you can't still go to the beach!

What resorts are you thinking of?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/09/2015 07:50

By the way I don't work for the company I mentioned above, I just thought that their Kids Clubs (and those in First Choice if they are still in business ) were great. It gave the kids a break from us so they got a holiday within a holiday (if you get my meaning) and so did we.

goblinhat · 14/09/2015 07:53

I never used kids clubs- but always chose family friendly hotels as children strike up holiday friendships easily. That takes the pressure off the adults as kids amuse each other.

budgiegirl · 14/09/2015 07:58

We had beach holidays abroad when the children were pre-schoolers, and they loved it. There was also a swimming pool and we split our time between the two . The children weren't bored at all, although the weather was always good.

The only thing I'd say is that a holiday with small kids can be hard work, and rarely goes exactly to plan, so that might be your only problem if your DH has trouble with 'going with the flow'

LineyReborn · 14/09/2015 07:58

I feel exhausted just reading your opening post, OP.

Will you be expected to look after the DC all of the time? Does he actually share the parenting and supervision / joining in of play? Is he particular about mealtimes or will there be relaxing picnics and visits to caf??s? Kids' clubs or similar?

Attitude is much more important than location when children are too young to be left to their own devices.

mrssmith79 · 14/09/2015 08:00

Keep it to a week, short haul. Somewhere like Majorca. A nice family friendly resort with plenty around it (Sa Coma / Cala Bona or similar). Keep reminding dh that holidays are for relaxation and fun...if all else fails, go without him, miserable bugger.

Keep coming back to the boards for advice, opinions etc. Nothing aims as valuable as first hand experience.

atticusclaw2 · 14/09/2015 08:01

If its a beach holiday then just check the beaches carefully. Lots of beaches in the med are not great for kids. Italy for example can be horrendous. sun loungers packed so closely together that you can barely walk between them (and generally you have to pay for them too without much of an option to just fling down a towel and grab some space for yourself). Being on an Italian Amalfi coast beach with little ones would be incredibly stressful since you'd have to be next to them every single second. You couldn't just sit on the sunbed watching them.

I do think you're overthinking it in general though. Saying you'd rather stay at home does sound like you're being a bit unappreciative of his efforts and saying it's too much pressure for the kids sounds like code for "I don't want to go and so I'm going to use the kids as an excuse". He is right, they'll have fun with a bucket and spade, sand and sea.

LaContessaDiPlump · 14/09/2015 08:01

I think that you made a fair comment and that your husband sounds very immature. He needs to acknowledge that he is responsible for managing his own feelings - he can't just act out at everyone else.

Living with sulky/hissy people is horrible. My mum was one and I've run a mile from every potential romantic partner who showed early signs of sulks/moods, so hopefully your kids are being subconsciously trained to do the same

Savagebeauty · 14/09/2015 08:07

Your h sounds like my ex.
I loathed every single holiday we had with the dcs because he couldn't relax.
The days were regimented and all about him.
And it was all my fault if the accommodation wasn't up to scratch or restaurants not what he wanted.
I would do your own research .

ohtheholidays · 14/09/2015 08:12

YANBU but it sounds like your husband and it sounds like it's quite often!

If it's a holiday in the UK your husband needs to remember that you can't rely on our weather here.So if you have a day or two and it's pouring down or it's cold then of course you'll need something else to do for the children and yourselves.

My ex fiancee,an ex husband and my father are all like your husband by the sounds of it.Please don't tolerate his negative behavior like me and my Mother did with our OH's,walking on egg shells is exhausting and take it from a child that grew up in that household it can lead to a very sad and at times very frightening childhood!

Oriunda · 14/09/2015 08:15

We spent 3 weeks in Italy this August (family/home out there). I was bored after a week but my 3yr loved it. Paddling/digging in sand etc - he had fun. Italian resorts not recommended though - as stated above they are packed, sunbeds are expensive and there is little 'free' beach to put a towel down.

Resorts in Spain and the Canaries are great and better set up for families.

Shodan · 14/09/2015 08:19

I would go with either WhatchaMaCallit or MakeItRain 's suggestions, tbh. I don't necessarily think that hot weather +beach= great holiday, especially with children the ages yours will be.

I would also have the same reservations as you, although only with hindsight. We've spent several years doing Med holidays and only just now cottoned onto the fact that no-one in our family really enjoys them that much.

Next year we're going to Austria-plenty to do, a lake to swim in-we're all looking forward to that.

myotherusernameisbetter · 14/09/2015 08:25

Minorca is also good, somewhere like cala galdana, gently shelving beaches, Cuitadela is a lovely town and there is a big shady playpark and the kids would enjoy seeing the boats in the harbour. Fornells is very pretty too. Arenal de castell has a great gentle beach too.

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