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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dd(5) doesn't want to go to any extracurricular activities

76 replies

Salmiak · 13/09/2015 23:06

Dd has just started year 1, last year she went to gymnastics one afternoon after school. She really enjoyed it but was always completely exhausted by the time we got home. Half way through the summer term I quit taking her as she was just too tired.

This year I have offered her a choice of music lessons, karate, gymnastics, trampolining club, ballet, swimming lessons and horse riding. She doesn't want to go to any of them as she says school is just too long and she's got no energy. She just wants to be home with me or have playdates. At home she's got plenty of spare energy and we often spend an hour after school in the playground so I think she might be able to cope.

Dh reckons that she really should be doing at least swimming lessons and maybe one other activity a week too, however I think that if she's happiest at home then that's absolutely fine and I'll just calmly wait for her to get a sudden desire to start doing street dance or pottery or whatever sometime in the future

How essential are these afternoon clubs for young dc? I notice that most of her classmates go to at least one extra thing a week, some go to at least 4... should I be forcing her to go when she clearly states she doesn't want to?

OP posts:

dolcelatteLover · 14/09/2015 00:42

You don't need classes to teach her to swim. You can easily teach her yourself by going for a weekly family swim! Lies of fun and a small amount of teaching!

DontStopBelievin · 14/09/2015 00:42

Sorry, pressed too soon. Swimming is essential in my opinion. Everything else though, why force her? I think the amount of after school stuff some people do is absolutely ridiculous.

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 14/09/2015 00:45

I think it would be pointless to make her. These activities are supposed to be enjoyable and if she's forced to go it just defeats the object.

DontStopBelievin · 14/09/2015 00:46

You don't need classes to teach her to swim.
Maybe not, but I feel better with a qualified teacher showing them what to do and not me. Yes, I can swim well, and do breaststroke, and that's about it.
By going to swimming lessons, they learn front and back crawl, butterfly, and how to dive to the bottom of pools properly.
Not me who screeches if somebody splashes her face never mind dive under water to the bottom.

AnnieNon · 14/09/2015 00:49

How about taking her swimming yourself, it will be good exercise, will build up her ability and will be good fun.

Kids do need to learn to swim confidently but if she can already doggy paddle it sounds like she is doing ok.

I don't see the huge rush to do extracurricular activities. Your DD is only 5 so there is plenty of time.

TheNewStatesman · 14/09/2015 04:56

Swimming IS essential--other things? I would not push them if she is certain she does not want to go. She may change her mind as she matures and gets used to school.

If she does not want organized swimming lessons, you could try getting some "teach your child to swim" materials and seeing how far you get with her yourself, and then book some one-on-one private lessons to finish off the process? That is what we are going to do because I can't find any local swimming lessons that suit our schedule.

Mistigri · 14/09/2015 06:11

Swimming isn't essential as long as you go to the pool together sometimes. My eldest had lessons - after a term she had gone backwards and we stopped them. She could swim well enough to be safe in water at 4 and is now a very confident swimmer.

Didn't bother signing up my youngest for lessons. He is a sinker not a floater so swimming properly took a bit longer, but he could swim a few metres from maybe 5/6 - enough to get himself to the side of a pool if necessary. I'm not overly persuaded by the safety argument (unless the parents are non-swimmers) as they don't need to be strong swimmers for pool safety purposes, and being a strong swimmer is no help in other water-danger situations (rip tides, floods).

AuditAngel · 14/09/2015 06:19

We have not had this issue yet with DD2 as she starts reception today. But she has swimming on a Saturday and dancing, usually once a week.

NationMcKinley · 14/09/2015 06:27

I could have written your post except mine's a DS. I think as parents we're almost pushed into our children doing loads of extracurricular actives and we feel guilty if we don't. It seems to be the norm these days for really young children to do several after school clubs / lessons and if I'm honest, and I still feel the "guilt", I think that for a lot of children it's simply too much. My DS is starting Beavers in November but until then he's not doing anything as all he wants to do when he gets home from school is play with his bloody Lego (too many episodes of standing on it in bare feet / clearing away 8 billion pieces for me to feel the love).

That said, I do agree that swimming is an essential life skill. My DS is one of 3 with the smallest being a particularly awkward 2 year old. We've started doing intense week long courses during each school holiday (DS is in year 1) instead of after school which really works for us in terms of logistics and in terms of swimming ability and tiredness for him. Maybe that would be an idea for you?

Sorry, this is probably very garbled! But no, I think YADNBU!

Jollyphonics · 14/09/2015 06:32

OP if your daughter doesn't want to do extra curricular activities then that's fine. This obsessive filling of leisure time with scheduled activities is relatively new I think. Certainly when I was a child in the 70/80s only a tiny minority of primary school kids did anything other than play after school.

And I don't understand this obsession with swimming either. If they do swimming at school then that is plenty to develop water safety. If they don't do swimming, then taking her swimming yourself sometimes will be sufficient. If she seems to be struggling to grasp how to do it in a couple of years, then you could think about some lessons.

She's 5 - let her enjoy her un-time-tabled time.

Personally I think this obsessive filling of kids' time with tuition is killing their imaginations. Let kids be kids and fill their own time if they want to.

lilacclery · 14/09/2015 06:40

Dd is same age I started her with weekly swimming lessons when she was 4, it has taken until now 5.5 for her to become some bit competent.
Last week I introduced a sing & dance class as she has poor coordination & loves to sing & dance. I'm not adding any more activities until after Christmas if she's looking to go to something or next September if she isn't.
Her closest friend is doing swimming, ladybirds, basketball & Tae kwon do.
Do what you feel is right for your child.

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2015 06:47

The two most successful marketing campaigns of recent years are bottled water and children's swimming lessons.

Lovelydiscusfish · 14/09/2015 06:53

Oh, just let her do what she likes - she's so little! I don't quite understand the mania for endless extra-curricular stuff for tinies these days. When do they get time to just run around, play with toys, mooch around the place?

Having said that my own dd has now started ballet (at 3!) but only because her friends do it and she wanted to.

defineme · 14/09/2015 06:58

There are millions of adults who didn't do after school activities as kids and are fine. I was a brownie at 7 and did swimming club at secondary school. I am fine with a good job etc.

NationMcKinley · 14/09/2015 07:20

YY to Jolly playing in itself is learning and children need downtime the same as us.

That Saudi, my eldest (8) has just finished the school's swimming lessons (state primary) and although they were good they weren't really a substitute (imo) for more long term lessons.

Skiptonlass · 14/09/2015 07:31

I loathed after school activities. I was an introverted kid and just wanted some downtime with a book after school.

Children need time just to spend developing their imaginations - they don't need to be ferried from one activity to another to 'keep them busy'. I've always been able to pass the time quite happily by myself, reading, thinking, watching a particularly interesting beetle/leaf/bit of cloud etc. being bored and playing is a vital skill!

I'm sure some kids love activities (in which case carry on, each to their own) but please don't force her into doing stuff.

You can take her swimming with you - I taught myself and hated school lessons!

Pobspits · 14/09/2015 07:32

Dd is nearly 5 and does karate but not sure she'll last tbh.

Am not bothered!

Enjoy the peace - Ds wouldn't go to any at 4/5 and now at 8 does Cubs and 4 other nights of sports training that he's actually quite good at and also very committed too which is great but also really hard work sometimes and I'm fed up of dragging dd here there and everywhere every night to take him and drop him off.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 14/09/2015 08:23

At five I wouldn't force it, school is exhausting.

Is there anything you can sign her up for at the weekend? I did swimming, horse riding and ballet at the weekend, but only brownies after school.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2015 08:32

She is still only little, I presume just started yr1 which is exhausting, leave her be and let her decide. Mabey in a year or two she might change her mind

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2015 08:34

I would give it a year or so and look again if she wants to do something I do think swimming lessons are a must mine only did a couple of terms . I dont think little children need to have every evening filled with activities its exhausting.but its nice for them to have other interests what about Rainbows/cubs

Moregravyplease · 14/09/2015 08:45

She is five, leave her be and let her enjoy running around the playground. It's not as if a five year old needs a CV.

CMOTDibbler · 14/09/2015 08:52

You can usually book intensive lessons in school holidays, so if you are regularly swimming as a family so they don't have to spend time on getting your face wet/blowing bubbles/floating, she'll make really rapid progress doing that. And even better if you can book 1:1 as then its all teaching and no hanging around waiting for the others to do stuff.

Crazypetlady · 14/09/2015 09:01

It would be better to take her swimming yourself if she doesn't want to go to lessons, I agree she needs to swim but there is too much pressure on children to do extra classes and lessons.

Dixiechickonhols · 14/09/2015 09:08

My dd breezed through reception but was shattered at start of yr1 when they suddenly expected work all day. I'd maybe look for a sat am swim class and leave rest for a bit. Rainbows (girl guides) is nice and non demanding for little ones maybe put her on the wait list and see if she wants to go when a place comes up.

Dixiechickonhols · 14/09/2015 09:10

Intensive swim course instead is a great idea. My dd has done those a week is supposedly equivalent to 7 or 8 weekly lessons as they go daily.

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