dd(5) doesn't want to go to any extracurricular activities

[Salmiak]

Dd has just started year 1, last year she went to gymnastics one afternoon after school. She really enjoyed it but was always completely exhausted by the time we got home. Half way through the summer term I quit taking her as she was just too tired.

This year I have offered her a choice of music lessons, karate, gymnastics, trampolining club, ballet, swimming lessons and horse riding. She doesn't want to go to any of them as she says school is just too long and she's got no energy. She just wants to be home with me or have playdates. At home she's got plenty of spare energy and we often spend an hour after school in the playground so I think she might be able to cope.

Dh reckons that she really should be doing at least swimming lessons and maybe one other activity a week too, however I think that if she's happiest at home then that's absolutely fine and I'll just calmly wait for her to get a sudden desire to start doing street dance or pottery or whatever sometime in the future

How essential are these afternoon clubs for young dc? I notice that most of her classmates go to at least one extra thing a week, some go to at least 4... should I be forcing her to go when she clearly states she doesn't want to?

[MrsMook]

Having water confidence and a decent enough stroke to get yourself to safety if you fall into water is essential. Having extra skills is a bonus. It's nice to be able to confidently use a pool on holiday, and the ability to be a confident swimmer opens up several activities long term. So despite spending hundreds of pounds and hours in swimming lessons with my young children, beyond a certain level, I don't think swimming is essential but it is useful.

I wouldn't be forcing her to things for the sake of it. She has a long time to feel inspired. Swimming is a flexible activity where you can go casually, or have regular or a block of intensive lessons. She'll enjoy activities more when she's ready.

[BertrandRussell]

Why are front crawl, butterfly and diving to the bottom of the pool "properly" essential life skills?

Honestly, we have been so conned by the swimming lesson business......

[OddlyLogical]

By going to swimming lessons, they learn front and back crawl, butterfly, and how to dive to the bottom of pools properly.
I STILL can't butterfly - it's not an essential skill.
There is absolutely no need to do swimming lessons - especially with a child who has expressly said they don't want to do them.
I took my kids swimming with me and a friend either after school or on a weekend. It was a lot of fun and they gained a lot of confidence in the water.
They then did a week long course during the holidays to see how they got on with lessons and they did a series of lessons after that, but to be honest, the lessons were not very good. We dropped them after a while and just carried on swimming for fun every week. Much more effective and real quality time with my kids.

[goblinhat]

But extra curricular activities can be very beneficial to children. Even at 5.

[pointythings]

My DDs didn't start doing extracurriculars until they were old enough to take themselves home from school as DH and I both work. They were in a before-and after school club which offered activities but didn't impose them, so they could choose whether or not they wanted downtime. WHen they were young, they'd often catnap and were better for it.

They turned out fine and now do a good selection of things they choose and are interested in. I think the idea of filling up children's time out of school is a recent and very middle class thing.

I do think swimming is essential, but intensive courses in the holidays when your DD is rested sound like the way to go for her - not everyone thrives in classes.

[featherandblack]

She is FIVE! Unbelievable.

Send her outside to make a nice soothing mud pie. Seriously.

[Narp]

Meh

Ds1 wasn't interested in extra-curriculars until recently (15). When he wants to do something he really has to want to do something.

I think there's too much pressure, or implied pressure for little kids to be all-singing, all-dancing.

[2rebecca]

4 activities after school a week and a "play date" on the other? I'm glad I just got to muck around and play out as a kid.
My kids didn't do anything like that, mind you we both worked albeit I was part time. and weren't wanting to spend our evenings ferrying them about.
They're at school all day I think 1 or 2 activities a week is plenty until they are old enough to get themselves to and from them.

[lynniep]

Swimming - I'm on the 'essential' side of the fence, but if she's too tired then its not fair to do it after school. Can you take her on the weekend - either to a lesson or just yourself?

My DS's are 8 and 5. Both have been swimming for years but that's our choice. They are both confident in the water and are fully able to tread, swim a good 25m, and get themselves to safety. That's all you need really need. They are very different though. DS1 was in the water at 4 months old, but wouldn't go in without me until he was 4.5. DS2 was in the water at 18 months and the swimming teacher told me I wasn't needed 6 months later. Completely confident without me.

Clubs.
I am of the opinion 'give it a go'. If they don't like it, or are too tired, or have other priorities (Wednesday is the only afternoon they have free, so I will not make them do a club on a Weds as its the only day they can have play dates) They have tried a few things. DS2 really isn't interested in sports, so no sports. DS1 does football and cricket, because he wants to.

[goblinhat]

Or depends on the child.

My DD does 18 hours of classes a week- until last year my DS did none.

[BumpTheElephant]

My five year old doesn't do any extra curricular activities, he's on the waiting list for swimming but he doesn't want to do anything else. Five is still very young.

[JimmyGreavesMoustache]

local cultures seem really different on this one
luckily most DC I know don't have a billion scheduled activities.

my 4yo has a weekly swimming lesson, that's it. She can start instrumental lessons in juniors if she wants.

I think you need to be mindful of two issues before starting lots of activities - firstly however many sessions you offer to the eldest, you'll need to do the same for younger siblings. Secondly, activities tend to demand more time as they get older eg a weekly swimming lesson turns into a weekly lesson, twice weekly swim squad, and galas. Or with an instrument there are all sorts of ensembles and concerts.

[Jollyphonics]

they're exhausted, not their

[Jollyphonics]

Where I live parents are totally obsessed with after-school activities. Most kids do something most days, and they all have swimming lessons. Over the years I've watched the kids crying and begging their parents not to make them go to swimming classes, especially in the Autumn term when their exhausted and it's cold and dark!

Now that these kids are going into secondary school, one by one they are having to drop swimming/football/rugby/ballet/karate/violin/riding/drama/netball/gymnastics etc, because there simply aren't enough hours in the day to do it all as well as secondary school homework. This often causes much angst and upset, as parents mourn the loss of their childrens' past enthusiasms. I sometimes wonder if it was all worth it - dragging reluctant kids to tapestry class for 5 years, only for them to never pick up a needle again for the rest of their lives!

Obviously some kids love all this extracurricular stuff, and that's fine, it's great that they enjoy it. But I can't see the point in forcing the issue in kids who aren't keen.

[chompybot]

My DS is 7 and refuses to go to any extra curricular activities. It's not tiredness - he'll play in the playground happily for an hour after school - but I think he just doesn't want to do anything too structured. He just wants to play! We've tried football, Kung fu, swimming lessons but they all ended with him mucking about and refusing to join in. I don't think it helps that he is very young in the year so does find all the desk-work at school hard.

I do think swimming is important but he just wasn't making progress in classes so my DH takes him about every month which has worked better, also where we go on holiday has a pool and I honestly think 2 weeks in a pool on holiday with some 1-1 time is worth a year of group lessons, he can now swim underwater.

I would love for him to do an activity but I just don't think it's worth forcing him as it will backfire. All children are different, my 9 yr DD loves doing activities and signs herself up to all sorts of things!

my DH is going to try going along to an activity with DS as we thought maybe he'd enjoy it more if they are doing it together. We'll see how it goes....

In the meantime I am trying to encourage his interests in other ways, we make sure he has lots of books on his favourite topics, he's an outdoorsy boy so we go on outings, camping etc. But I still get other parents saying 'oh why isn't he doing any activities?'??

[colley]

BathshebaDarkstone - Because it is a constant struggle to listen really carefully, and work out what someone is saying. Especially if you partly use lip reading.
Just think when you are in a very noisy club how tiring it is to have a long conversation and hear what someone is saying.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

margaritas I'm genuinely curious: how does being partially deaf make you tired?

[PinguForPresident]

It totally depends on the child, adn I think pushing her into anything she doesn't want to do would be counter-productive.

My daughter is 6, just going into Y2, and does stacks of stuff, all at her own request and has done sice Reception (3 sorts of dancing, gymnastics, swimming) but she's a total Duracell Bunny, loads of energy, never gets tired, needs constant stimulation and entertaining, ahtes being at home. Activities are a godsend for her. My son is 4 and refuses all activities, just wants to potter around, hang out at home and is quite happy to sit with me in various waiting rooms as his big sister does stuff.

Swimming is the only non-negotiable IMO. It's a safely thing, so I'll be biting that bullet and getting DS to lessons this year.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

If she's tired I wouldn't make her go. DD 8 was like that last year. I'm trying her with art club or choir this year, we'll see how it goes.

[molyholy]

Our dd (6) has tried a few extra curricular activities (dance, gymnastics, rainbows), but to be honest, she genuinely loves being at home with her toys and games and spending time as a family with days/afternoons out etc. DH takes her swimming at the weekends and although she can't swim yet, she is getting there and is confident in the water. I felt that she should be doing something, but wasn't going to force the issue, and she is just not that way inclined. Some kids aren't and that is just fine.

[OfficeGirl1969]

DS1 did football, cricket, scouts etc......they were all his choices and he loved them. DS2 never got involved in any, he tried scouts a couple of times, didn't enjoy it and never went again. Both are happy and content and doing well in the world, I don't agree with pushing them into anything they're not keen on after a busy day at school, certainly not when they're so little. By all means incorporate something fun like swimming, casually at weekends as a family, and then consider a summer crash course, but if she's saying she's tired, leave her to it, there's nothing worse than dragging a tired unwilling little one to something that's going to cost you money, and that they won't enjoy!

[Girlwhowearsglasses]

I'd leave her and go with playdates then- the only caveat being get her on a list for beavers or brownies.

Beavers starts at 6 and often you have to be in from the beginning as there are a shortage of volunteers running groups. DS1 did beavers and now Cubs and he's had a great benefit and also been on camps which have really expanded his mind. I put my DTs on the list too late and they have missed Beavers and I'm crossing my fingers for places at Cubs when they're 8 next year.

[Excited101]

Can't you take her swimming at the weekend? I think one of the biggest attractions children have with swimming is that it's completely undivided attention from their parent(s). Lessons are not necessary, they'll learn as they play and build confidence.

[colley]

How many adults if they didn't have children, would be happy to do activities in the evening after work? Some adults love this and go to sports clubs and evening classes, many simply want to hang out and talk to friends, or watch TV. Why do we think children would be any different?
If it is something that will clearly benefit her such as swimming, or when she is older, extra tuition, fine. But I don't understand why you would want to make any child do what are hobbies, unless they want to.

[Lweji]

I'd take her to see places and try classes hoping she finds one she likes.
She may have no idea of the things you suggested and she may like a teacher or a group.