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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not rearrange my weekend for x??

28 replies

harboromummy · 13/09/2015 12:27

I'm so angry.

Exh hasn't bothered with the kids in weeks. He's been such a bad influence lately, threats, swearing, aggressiveness all in front of the kids.

in 3 weeks it's my ds bday. Exh messaged me today;

Him- i want the kids not this weekend the weekend after because my parents are coming down to give DS his bday presents

Me- we are busy that weekend as we have plans.

Him- what do you expect my parents to do? They booked the caravan site, you nasty c**.

He's expecting me to change my plans.

The kids have asked to spend tile without his gf involved. She's been there every weekend he's had them, and he's not seen them in 3 months on his own. (3x in 3 months...)

What shall I do?

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheLane · 13/09/2015 12:29

Email back and say "You're not ever seeing him again you cunting fucker" and then email his parents and invite them to visit DS.

I know you can't,.....I'm just angry on your behalf!

Your inlaws plans are not your problem...and as you say, Ex is abusive...so he can't see them...I don't think he deserves to if he is acting as you say his is!

FayKorgasm · 13/09/2015 12:37

I would just not engage with him. He is not a reasonable person and he's a crap dad. Is there any formal arrangement?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/09/2015 12:38

Ex is trying to show what a great dad he is to the outside world. If you have plans stick to them, record all messages, accidently forward that to his parents (whoops)

FayKorgasm · 13/09/2015 12:41

By the way is that your son's real name? You might want to get MN to edit it If it is.

Original poster
harboromummy · 13/09/2015 12:44

His parents hate me as it is. No idea why! I left because he used to beat me!

I'm really not happy. :(

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 13/09/2015 12:48

He shouldn't be around your dc unsupervised with his behaviour. It's not safe or emotionally healthy for them.

I would ignore him from now on. If he wants to see them he can get the ball rolling with a solicitor and you can get yours to ensure it's safe for the children.

His parents can post the presents if they can't be civilised with you.

FayKorgasm · 13/09/2015 12:49

His parents are really not your problem.

Original poster
harboromummy · 13/09/2015 12:50

Oh poops i didn't mean to put his name

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/09/2015 12:50

This is the problem when there aren't clear arrangements. He has to accept that. I wouldn't want to give in to him, particularly given the way he talks to you, but I think his parents should be able to see the children for a bit of the weekend. Are you fully booked for the full weekend?

ImperialBlether · 13/09/2015 12:52

I've reported the first post for you, OP, so hopefully MN will take your son's name out.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 13/09/2015 12:55

Who knows what he tells his parents. Do what's best for your dc. Stick to your plans. This abusive twat does not get to dictate what happens.

MissMarpleCat · 13/09/2015 12:59

You really need some proper legal advice on this matter. I wouldn't want him to have the dc's on his own, his obviously a nasty, violent bully. Imo he should only be having supervised contact.
Sorry you are going through this Flowers

MrsJorahMormont · 13/09/2015 12:59

I wouldn't do anything to help him out. You could try sending a polite message to his parents that they are welcome to meet you at X place of your choice. Perhaps explain that their useless son hasn't wanted to see the kids for weeks and that you are therefore trying to keep a happy routine going.

maddening · 13/09/2015 13:03

Stick to your guns - and keep his abusive messages and record any phone calls.

Wearyheadedlady · 13/09/2015 13:03

harboromummy - ask mums net to delete it for you - if you press the report button and ask they 'll take the post down with the name in it.

VinoTime · 13/09/2015 13:08

I think I would be trying to arrange supervised contact within a contact center considering his foul behaviour, OP. Can you get some legal advice?

His parents aren't your concern, so the hell with them.

Stick to your plans. Don't be changing them.

Text him back and simply say: I'm not going to discuss this any further with you whilst you are talking to me like that. We have already made plans for that weekend, so I'm sorry but it's not an option for you to see them then. Did you have another weekend in mind that we can arrange?

Keep everything that he sends you - it's evidence in proving just how nasty he is being.

Original poster
harboromummy · 13/09/2015 17:45

Thank you all. Been getting such vile messages all day I have actually rang ndvh to start applying for a non molestation order, they are ringing me in the morning.

I'm so depressed, this has been going on for months and months, I'm really struggling atm :(

OP posts:
MrsJorahMormont · 13/09/2015 18:10

Good for you OP. You don't have to live like this Thanks Keep all the hateful messages - they will be very useful.

Original poster
harboromummy · 13/09/2015 18:38

I actually have a voice recording of him threatening to burn my house down.

All because I ask for csa! Apparently he will be happy to go to prison if he killed me

OP posts:
MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 13/09/2015 19:00

Hi there OP. Just popping by to let you know we've edited your son's name out of the thread.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 13/09/2015 19:02

If he's making threats like that have you spoken to the police?

3littlefrogs · 13/09/2015 19:07

You have evidence that he is extremely dangerous.
Please contact the police.

BlackeyedSusan · 13/09/2015 19:34

did you speak to the police about the threats to murder you. they usually take it very seriously.

Original poster
harboromummy · 13/09/2015 19:44

Yep, every single time. They do nothing! :(

OP posts:
Unreasonablebetty · 13/09/2015 19:53

Really sorry to read this, hopefully he will do the same as my Dds did.
He caused as much trouble as he could, bullied and abused us until it was clear he couldn't push us about. Disappeared 2years and 8 months ago!!
Try not to let him turn you into an anxious person cos the rubbish does take its toll!
Good luck Hun x