Does my 6 year old DS have aspergers? What should we do next?

[Burgundycoralpink]

Hi everyone,

After a difficult Reception year DS has just started in Y1 with the same ongoing problems with his behaviour. I think it's getting worse.

Brief history of him. He was clingy and cried a lot as a baby. Really difficult to settle and very fussy. He got along well at nursery but teachers noted he has difficulty transitioning between activities. He hates leaving something if he hasn't finished it. They accommodated him well and understood him.

Apart from that no problems at nursery. Fast forward to school, a much bigger and noisier environment and he has struggled. He doesn't always do what the teachers ask him to. He is physical at playtime and lunchtime, and sometimes in the classroom. Scribbling on his work or someone else's, pushing, name calling, annoying behaviour. Not stopping when asked to.

Have had a meeting with class teacher and SEN. They don't think we need to look at SEN. They think he is immature and lacks impulse control. He is a September birthday. They want me to continue talking to him at home but no other action will be taken. SEN said that at our school they decide if a child "needs support or is choosing to behave like this". My DS is choosing to behave like this according to their observations. Therefore they will not be offering any additional support.

His other personality traits are:

Very loving and cuddly
Very polite, beautiful manners
Extremely articulate
Lies awake after lights out, needs less sleep than other children his age
Is brilliant one to one, very engaged in conversation
Can go on and on describing something without realising he needs to edit and has lost other persons interest
Bad loser
Excellent with number/sums
Excellent with Lego and Puzzles from a very young age
Excellent memory
Loves a couple of subjects but does show interest in all sorts of things
Naturally inquisitive
Finds change difficult - it makes him behave more rigidly
Very grumpy when he's anxious or unhappy
Not at all intimidated by adults and talks to them as though he is talking to another child
Likes to get his own way, dictate the game, is bossy with other children
Finds it difficult to have friends in his bedroom/space/sharing his toys
Hates loud noises (motorbikes, sirens) and noisy places
Very good at concentrating for long periods

I suspect he has mild aspergers but know very little about the condition. School do not think it's a special need at this point. What should I do next? I would like his observed by an ed psych but do I need schools cooperation and back up for this?

Sorry, that was long! I guess I just wanted to unburden myself and let you know you are not alone, op.

Sounds very similar to my ds at that age who has (to throw in another dx!) a diagnosis of ASC. I've been told his description is high functioning moderate autism.

Ds definitely came across as 'naughty' and immature (especially socially) until about 6/7 years of age when the differences became more profound and by age 8 there was mark able differences.

He never responded to praise or sanction. He wasn't naughty as in he'd stop when asked to cease a behaviour - where as a lot of his peers questioned why. However whereas many of his peers had an argumentative 10 minutes over things and learnt no to do it or consequences DS would repeat the behaviour. Most likely due to lack of impulse control and inability to transfer skills. So I'm a massive fan of talking things through and some children respond well to visual reminders such as cue cards and social stories.

If you are concerned then approach your GP and ask for referral to whichever service assess children's development in your PCT.

And pop over to SN boards - they have been amazing support to me over the years.

I should say in our case school think he has AS traits, but maybe not more than that. Ed psych observed him during a lesson, so did not see anything concerning (he is ok in lessons most of the time, it's new things, unstructured times and transitions he has particular problems with). Left the opportunity open for him to be assessed again if needed. Discussed possible CAMHS assessment, but that would take ages waiting and would likely be fruitless, atm.

OP and Toys (your post really touched me)
I agree with others who say go to GP and get a referral to the community paediatrician services. I found school luke warm on the idea of using ed psych time ( really expensive and rationed resource) and I hear CAMHS might be better for slighly older children.

We got a diagnosis via gp and paediatrician route - no support though.

But I don't know if we get no support (apart from teacher making adjustments) because he is percieved to be coping.

Oh, thanks, stopthecavalry! I feel very confused, isolated and guilty most days. I agree that CAMHS would be better with older children, and am thinking about bringing stuff up with the GP, but the school seems to be willing to make small changes for him even without diagnosis, so I am not in a massive hurry from that side. I think I just would like a diagnosis to feel less confused and guilty, as well as embarrassed.

Toys - you are welcome. Btw our diagnosis took 2.5 years. The paed didn't want to rush it as she saw him first when he was 5. We saw her about 4 times over that period incl. the final assessment. Helpful now he is older to help him understand himself and why he feels different as well as for explaining his behaviour to others. Might be worth getting the ball rolling as it may take time to get an answer. Good luck.

does it make a difference the AGE of the child I wonder.

My ds has many of the issues TOYS mentions but is 11 now.

Of course. I think with DS lots of people feel like he is probably just immature and will grow out of lots of the stuff. That excuse is going to run out soon, though..