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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls' school - mums being precious

35 replies

JumpRope · 12/09/2015 11:32

I've sent dd to a girls school as I personally think girls do better at them and I really want her to get on well with girls - she only has an older brother, as I did, and I think she needs a chance to be herself in her own environment.

I'm wondering if it's normal for mums to be a bit anti-boy at girls schools, however. Many of the pupils in dd's reception class are only children or have just sisters (I am sure if I had a one sex family, I would look more closely at mixed education). I've heard lots of comments about when boys come along to pick up or to parties - girls crying that they are being rough, noisy or chasing and the mums backing it up. One mum even saw the head recently to request boys stay in the cars at pick up time and not walk into school I've seen the boys and girls racing about, but NEVER anyone get hurt.

Aibu to think about looking elsewhere for dd - there is a a school nearby which is more closely aligned with the boys school I think, at least in terms of practicalities and dates etc? She's just started reception. But has done nearly 2 years in the preschool bit.

OP posts:
MidnightVelvetthe3rd · 12/09/2015 11:35

I'd keep her at the school but ensure she has contact socially with boys outside school, maybe Beavers or a local group etc that is mixed

tobysmum77 · 12/09/2015 11:40

They sound utterly crackers and I have 2 girls. Boys staying in the car wtaf??

Personally I'm not sure about single sex in reception. My dd(6) plays equally with girls and boys and I would have thought that was part of normal development.

Original poster
JumpRope · 12/09/2015 11:40

She definitely does having a brother with lots of mates. But the birthing from a few of the other mums makes me feel unwelcome with him along, tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
JumpRope · 12/09/2015 11:41

Birthing? Bitching.

OP posts:
3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 12/09/2015 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 12/09/2015 11:49

Good God. This is exactly why both my girls will be going to a co ed high school. Males make up a significant part of the population...it's best that they all learn to get on sooner rather than later.

carrie74 · 12/09/2015 11:56

I went to a single sex school for secondary age and don't recall any boy bashing (although lots of positivity for girls and women which gave me a great start to adult life never doubting for a second that I was any different to any man just because of my gender).

All sounds quite barmy to me, surely there are boys/men in their lives somewhere and to try and keep girls hidden away from boys seems so strange x

Marynary · 12/09/2015 11:56

My dds go to an all girls school and I went to one. I haven't experienced what you describe at all. It sounds very weird.
Perhaps it depends on whether you have specifically chosen a school because it is all girls (as you and the other parents obviously have) or whether the school is chosen because it is a grammar school or because that is all there is in the area (some areas still have mainly single sex schools).

Saltedcaramel4 · 12/09/2015 12:00

My DD is at a mixed sex school and is successful academically and has the perfect balance of close male and female friends. The broader picture is required. Is a single sex education going to leave her feeling awkward around boys or in a male orientated work place?

Caprinihahahaha · 12/09/2015 12:01

I haven't experienced anything like that.
My DD is at a girls school.
It sounds very weird.
Lots of DDs friends have brothers. They often do out of school activities such a swimming or judo that have boys too.

It really does sound extremely odd.
I would leave the school if it were an option. They all sound bonkers.

Where is it? Is the whole area weird?

Caprinihahahaha · 12/09/2015 12:02

Girls crying because the boys are being noisy ?

WankerDeAsalWipe · 12/09/2015 12:08

Tbh I've seen similar attitudes on here, it's not nice, it's not an accurate representation of boys and it makes me worry for the quality of future relationships. There are many woman that I think would be happy if we kept a few men to form a sperm bank and to do unpleasant jobs but otherwise operate a woman only society. It makes me sad for my sons.

In your position I'd look for a different school but personally I don't have much truck with single sex schools or private for that matter so feel free to ignore.

HainaultViaNewburyPark · 12/09/2015 12:09

WTF? Definitely doesn't happen at DD's school (although it is officially co-ed up to Y4). I'm generally in favour of single sex education (DS goes to a boys school), but not to the extent that the opposite sex are excluded from the school grounds altogether - that is plainly bonkers.

RachelZoe · 12/09/2015 12:28

Is this a private school? Then get prepped for various extreme preciousness over the years, it's a nightmare.

I went to an all girls school, I remember boys being seen as very much the "other" and somewhat of a novelty but nothing at the level you describe. What weirdo's!

Keep her there if you believe that it's the best thing for her, but make sure she socializes with boys a lot outside of school, could she maybe do a few mainly boys activities like football or cubs or something as well?

Nataleejah · 12/09/2015 12:35

I personally think that single-sex schools should be extinct together with dinosaurs.

50shadesofGreer · 12/09/2015 12:41

I do know what you mean, I have boys and some mums of girls seem to consider boys as inferior / harder work. Thankfully most mothers of girls are not precious/smug etc but there is definitely a vocal minority!

Cabrinha · 12/09/2015 12:53

Have I just read right that you're thinking of switching a FIVE year old's school to one with better dating opportunities?! WTAF?! Shock

BYOSnowman · 12/09/2015 12:59

My dds all girls class is considerably rowdier, rougher and cheekier than my ds all boys class! Older ds is terrified when she has friends round! I agree though that its important they socialise with the other sex and it is obviously easier if you have one of each.

Agree though that some mums of girls seem to believe the stereotype of boys which can be irritating as my dd fits the stereotype more than ds! I guess I didn't know much about boys before I had my son.

Regarding the school, maybe a word with the head about inclusivity would be useful. It's not very useful for the girls they are educating to see themselves as a separate species to boys - it certainly won't help them as teenagers and adults.

GirlsTimesThree · 12/09/2015 13:01

Our DDs have been to four girls' schools and I've never come across attitudes like this. Bizarre!
However, the mums in junior school tend to be a bit more 'precious' than they are by the time you get to senior school (with either sex). The preciousness wears off over the years, thankfully. Usually when they realise that their children are normal human beings, not princes/princesses.

Caprinihahahaha · 12/09/2015 13:02

Say what?
Where is the bit about dating opportunities?

How did I miss that?

DepecheNO · 12/09/2015 13:24

Ah, I think Cabrinha read the "practicalities and dates" part differently to the rest of us. It is term dates, right?

This school sounds horrifying. I do believe there may be some advantages to single sex education for girls (possibly boys too, given developmental ages not being quite in sync) - BYOSnowman's post certainly sounds like the girls are free to be themselves without being talked over, etc - but teaching girls to be afraid of boys is the opposite of liberating! SSE wouldn't be my choice, but I'm on board with the "mainly" boys/girls after school clubs to redress the balance of friendship and influence in single sex families.

RachelZoe · 12/09/2015 13:26

Cabrinha

I think OP means term dates...obviously Hmm

horsewalksintoabar · 12/09/2015 13:34

Single sex schools are a no go for me. All boys/all girls in a closed environment is not a good thing. That's me though. It's not how everyone feels but for me, co-ed is right.
I find mum's of 'girls only' don't 'get' boys.
I find mum's of boys are generally less uptight. Mum's of girls can get a bit precious, generally, very generally speaking. Your school mums sound like they need to leave the bubble for a while and get real. They sound nasty...treating boys like they are lepers. As for removing DD, I wouldn't remove her for those reasons. Is she happy and thriving?

Cabrinha · 12/09/2015 14:41

No not "obviously" or I wouldn't have read it wrong, so you can keep your Hmm
But having re-read, I did read it wrong.
I thought the OP was thinking about the social opportunities (including dating) which I think is a fair thing to consider actually - just not when a child is 5!
But on re-reading I see the OP clearly said she had a mixed gender family, I thought she said she hadn't. So when I didn't realise she had boys, I didn't see the relevance of dates of the boys school. Hence thinking dates meant social dates!

RachelZoe · 12/09/2015 15:17

Why would anybody be considering dating opportunities for their 5 year old? It's a very strange conclusion to come to is all.