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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH is being a bit precious?

80 replies

Loki17 · 12/09/2015 08:01

4 year old DD just came bursting into the bathroom whilst I was putting on a sanitary towel. She asked what I was doing and then asked why. She already knows that babies are made from a mummy's special egg and a daddy's special seed then grow in their mummy's tummy. (She has 5 little cousins- we've had the 'where do babies come from' question a lot.) Anyway, I told her that when mummies and daddies don't want to have a baby, the mummy gets rid of the special egg by having a period and then a new one grows in its place. The sanitary towel takes the egg away. She accepted this and went on her merry way. DH thinks I have destroyed her innocence and should have lied. He also thinks that once I had told her this I should have told her that she must not talk about it to anyone else ever. He is a primary school teacher and apparently 'there is a reason we do not educate children about this until the age of 10'. I'm not going to lie to my dd and I thought id given an age appropriate explanation given the direct nature of her question. I'm doubting myself because dh is cross about it. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:

catfordbetty · 12/09/2015 08:59

I thought your explanation was brilliant and linked very helpfully with the ones you had already given about how babies are made. I think children appreciate being told the truth.

Saltedcaramel4 · 12/09/2015 09:01

It would have been ridiculous to tell your child it was a sticker for your pants! If she started talking to friends about putting sticky things in pants, it would seem really odd! As an over hearing adult I'd want more clarification and would ask her/her parents to explain.

Saltedcaramel4 · 12/09/2015 09:04

It really normal for parents to talk to their kids about things - eggs/periods when a child sees a sanitary towel, body hair growth when a child asks about razors etc.

TheCatsMother99 · 12/09/2015 09:04

OP, I think you explained it perfectly to her. Your DH is being unreasonable.

hackmum · 12/09/2015 09:05

I'm surprised at this - surely primary school children are given sex education lessons before the age of 10? And surely your DH is aware of this?

I agree he's being an idiot.

Crazypetlady · 12/09/2015 09:07

Since when is a period not innocent?It's a bodily function ! You explained really well O.P he does seem very precious. You would probably send his whole family into meltdown at the mere uttering of the word!

BarbarianMum · 12/09/2015 09:09

When I was a similar age to your dd my db was born and my mum explained to me how babies get out of their mummy's tummies. My dad asked her why she couldn't have told me something 'nicer'!

To be fair to your dh, if you are brought up to think of things like periods as dirty or shameful, it is very hard to shake that off. But he is still being totally unreasonable to give your dd the same hang ups.

Original poster

Loki17 · 12/09/2015 09:11

Thank you for the unanimous vote! He teaches in yr6. I think he sees them as much older and has no qualms about teaching yr6 pupils sre at all. DD is foundation stage so he thinks she is too young. He is prudish. He is a brilliant dad in so many ways but he worries about what other people will think a lot. That comes from his upbringing I think. I told him, firmly, that I wasn't going to lie and I'd given an age appropriate response to her questions. I also told him that I wouldn't accept him being annoyed about it because he was being ridiculous.

OP posts:

Rowgtfc72 · 12/09/2015 09:12

Had the same chat with DD when she was 3/4. She's grown up with periods, not like I can hide them when we're in the same toilet cubicle!
She's 8 now and has little boobs and the odd hair. I was still at junior school when I started my periods so don't think she's that far off starting.
I was terrified as noone had explained them to me, DD won't be. She thinks they're boring and its not fair boys don't get them too.
I am in a minority among friends though who won't be discussing any of this till their children are much much older.
Little worried he has this attitude as a primary school teacher.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/09/2015 09:13

What an utter pillock!

I'm sorry to hear he's a primary teachers and think it's OK to lie/mislead kids...

Lies are the start of kids becoming confused..

ChinchillaFur · 12/09/2015 09:17

Another vote for your explanation being great! I'm a secondary biology teacher and have similar views that the earlier you start being factual, the better. My dd 6 knows pretty much the same as yours after she asked what "that blood thing" was. Now if I'm on, and we're in the loo together she just says "Oh, have you got that blood thing again?" and is totally non-plussed by it all. She knows how babies get out, and how they form, but not really how they get in there yet. My DH tends be a bit like yours, but I overrule him .

We do occasionally say that this is not really a conversation for having in the playground, just because I don't want to upset other parents.

MN would be amazed by the variation in knowledge when we teach reproduction to our Year 7s. The full spread from knowing absolutely everything including correct terminology to literally sitting there open mouthed in horror. Your DH would not being doing your dc any favours at all by sheltering them from the truth.

BlackeyedSusan · 12/09/2015 09:21

my ds asked... commented loudly on the red poo when he was two or three, and was told about periods in an age appropriate way.... they haveboth known about bitsof puberty since they were very little.

more unusually he was told about boobs earlier... whilst breastfeeding, as he was rather interested in them... stop feeding before two and a half if you think those sorts of conversations are a bit awkward

Gabilan · 12/09/2015 09:31

It might help your DH to know that the Samaritans was founded in 1953 after a 14 year old girl killed herself when her period started. She thought she had an STD. And yes, I know she was well over his stated age of 10 but as pp have said, many girls do start earlier now.

My mum told me the basics about periods before I started menstruating but I actually found out more detail from friends whose mothers had been a bit more forthcoming. They helped me to be a lot less worried. So another vote for YANBU but your husband on the other hand needs to have another think.

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 12/09/2015 09:33

I absolutely love your explanation! I'm going to use it for my own four yr old when the need arises (anytime soon I should think knowing her inquisitiveness!) Fits in perfectly with what we have already told her around the birth of her younger sibling!

howabout · 12/09/2015 09:34

Your DH is being unreasonable. I have 2 teenage dd and a 4 year old dd. My DH reckons he spends the majority of mealtimes discussing periods as we are making sure the older dd are not traumatised by the whole experience. I hope your DH never encounters my dd3 in his teaching duties as he would doubtless be shocked at the level of her tmi.

Sparklingbrook · 12/09/2015 09:38

Your DH is being precious and a bit silly however I would be locking the bathroom door from now on.
My teen DSs know all about periods but they have never actually seen me changing a tampon or towel, I wouldn't have been comfortable with that.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 12/09/2015 09:47

I'd be having words with him about teaching children to keep things to themselves too, what kind of message does that give?

WizardOfToss · 12/09/2015 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepy11 · 12/09/2015 09:50

I totally believe in age appropriate honesty with kids or else they end up like the 15 year olds on Educating Cardiff this week who didn't know if girls or boys made the sperm!
And people wonder why the UK has such a high rate of teenage pregnancy...

TenForward82 · 12/09/2015 09:54

Well done, Loki, for making it clear you're not going to indulge his nonsense.

Blu · 12/09/2015 11:18

I would talk to him about the potential effect on a girl of having her first knowledge of the normal functions of a woman treated as a dirty secret 'never to be spoken of, ever'.

You handled it brilliantly .

Fluffyears · 12/09/2015 11:20

He sounds like my father who thoughtful should remain a shameful secret and got angry if you mentioned periods. Luckily my mother was much better and open with me. Once he told my mother to give me into trouble as the backing strip from a pad was lying on the floor and 'what if (my brother who is older) had seen it?'. Well he would have realised his sister is a female like every single other female in the world. Every woman has periods it is a natural bodily function like going for a pee it shouldn't be shrouded in secrecy and mystery. gutkd should know it is going to happen and that they can ask any adult for help whe it does. His pupils may get periods soon and he needs to be prepared for that.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 12/09/2015 11:25

I think you said exactly the right thing.

Children growing up knowing age-appropriate info about their bodies is good. There shouldn't be a set age for a big reveal. That would make it all into a big deal and... Create more people like your dh!

Lots of girls go through puberty before 10. Periods are as normal and natural as any other bodily function.

I hope he can learn from the responses here, that his view not what is best for his dd.

Cloppysow · 12/09/2015 11:25

I told my son when he was about 3 because my periods were so heavy, the blood would run down my legs when i got up in the morning and he thought something bad was happening. I told him that mums got bleeds to help them make babies and it was nothing to worry about.

When we were out later in town, he shouted "Maaaaaaaaaaaam, when i'm big like you, I'm going to get bleeds from my bum"

Em. I hope not sunshine.

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/09/2015 11:30

He is a primary school teacher and apparently 'there is a reason we do not educate children about this until the age of 10'.

I have to ask...

What the fuck is the 'reason'?

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