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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH is being a bit precious?

80 replies

Loki17 · 12/09/2015 08:01

4 year old DD just came bursting into the bathroom whilst I was putting on a sanitary towel. She asked what I was doing and then asked why. She already knows that babies are made from a mummy's special egg and a daddy's special seed then grow in their mummy's tummy. (She has 5 little cousins- we've had the 'where do babies come from' question a lot.) Anyway, I told her that when mummies and daddies don't want to have a baby, the mummy gets rid of the special egg by having a period and then a new one grows in its place. The sanitary towel takes the egg away. She accepted this and went on her merry way. DH thinks I have destroyed her innocence and should have lied. He also thinks that once I had told her this I should have told her that she must not talk about it to anyone else ever. He is a primary school teacher and apparently 'there is a reason we do not educate children about this until the age of 10'. I'm not going to lie to my dd and I thought id given an age appropriate explanation given the direct nature of her question. I'm doubting myself because dh is cross about it. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:

Spartans · 12/09/2015 08:19

Protecting your pants from what?

That would have been the next question.

I grew up in a very prudish household and was determind not to be like that with my dd. I didn't even realise I had started my periods. I am ashamed to say I thought the brown marks were skid marks and his my pants in the bin every day for 5 days. It was my second period when I realised what it was. I didn't tell my mum for months, just used toilet roll instead of towels. Eventually they got too heavy and I had to tell her. I didn't want ds going through that.

I just explain everything in an age appropriate way. Ds is 11 and carrya sanitary towels in her bag to school just incase and is un phased and prepared for it. It's nothing scary or daunting for her. Wish it hadn't been for mine

wigglesrock · 12/09/2015 08:19

He's a primary school teacher? Shit he'd be well and truly out of the loop teaching anywhere near my kids. I've 10,7,4 year old girls. The older two have been well versed in puberty, periods, sex, consent for a few years. The 4 year old has about the same knowledge as yours. My eldest is in her last year of primary school. They have been changed to using a different set of female toilets this year because they may need to use sanitary bins which these toilets have. There's not one girl in the class that isnt aware of periods. 10 is far too old to start discussing this. Ignorance doesnt equal innocence.

OrangePeels · 12/09/2015 08:20

I like your explanation! I may have to steal it!

DD is 5 and keeps asking how babies are made. So far I have told her it's a special wish and a magic kiss. She's happy with that so far but I can see further explanations in my future!

mrstweefromtweesville · 12/09/2015 08:21

He's an idiot. Sorry.
She's much better off finding out about how women's bodies work when the questions arise naturally for her. You are right and your husband is wrong.

eurochick · 12/09/2015 08:22

He's being daft.

TimeToMuskUp · 12/09/2015 08:23

DH is incredibly prudish and hates any talk of bodily functions/fuids. DS1 began asking questions at 5 when DS2 was due so he's known since 5 about most things to do with reproduction. None of his innocence was lost at that point.

I think he's being incredibly precious and also hugely incorrect; most schools in our area are running the Spring Fever programme where year-by-year children learn about their bodies, about sex, about relationships beginning in Reception and going through to Y6. There is a reason we educate earlier. It's so that they aren't terrified of their own bodily functions and taught to be ashamed of things which are entirely natural.

Rivercam · 12/09/2015 08:23

My son was in hospital after blood in his urine and was very ill with kidney problems.He has also walked in on me. He knew from a very early age that if women have a bleed, then thats generally okay, but for boys, it's a warning sign. I can't remember what explanation I gave him now ( over 10 years ago). However, I didn't want him to worry If he saw mummy with 'red wee', but to tell me immediately if he had it.

MythicalKings · 12/09/2015 08:23

He's a pillock.

MakStout · 12/09/2015 08:26

My kids knew from... well, forever no bathroom privacy for me they are 3 and 5 and asked about the blood on the sanitary towel. I just explained its called a period and that mummys make a comfy cusion in their tummy each month in case they get pregnant, and when they dont, it comes out as a period. My 3yo knows that when shes a big girl she will get them. They dont seem scarred for life!

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/09/2015 08:26

he's a primary school teacher?

hope he doesn't teach yr 4 upwards. yiu know in case one happens to a girl in his class and he has to tell them what's happening.

mind you surely there may be a point where a younger kid is scared cos "mummy was bleeding" and he may have to reassure them.

you'd think he was used to all sorts if questions and able to handle giving an age appropriate answer.

what you said was just fine I don't understand his issue at all

guineapigpie · 12/09/2015 08:29

Ridiculous notion, to lie about it as though it's embarrassing, or shameful, or harmful. Mind you, my parents were a doctor and a nurse, so I wasn't likely to have them thinking I needed "protecting" from physical normality! I didn't go around my primary school telling everyone the facts of life, though - that's the sort of thing children do if they think it's some kind of scandalous secret they've discovered.

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/09/2015 08:32

You can't wait until 10 to make girls aware of this sort of thing, and the fact that he's a man just proves he doesn't get it.

He needs to cop on, and quickly.

itsatiggerday · 12/09/2015 08:35

Is your DH proud he prompted a unanimous AIBU?!

Georgethesecond · 12/09/2015 08:35

That absolutely was an age appropriate explanation, and I had told my kids (boys) similar by that age. So your daughter won't be the only one with "destroyed innocence."

Georgethesecond · 12/09/2015 08:37

And because you didn't make a big deal of it she's unlikely to mention it to anyone else anyway, until she is reminded in SRE which will include the information anyway.

If he's a primary school teacher, has he seen the videos that are shown in year four? What about their innocence then, eh?

TenForward82 · 12/09/2015 08:37

JFC, can men PLEASE drop the idea that periods are something dirty and shameful? He's needs his head wobbling. Presumably your daughter is going to (gasp!) actually bleed from her vagina one day, so the sooner she gets comfortable with it, the better.

I believe you should always tell children an age appropriate version of the truth and you did just that.

TenForward82 · 12/09/2015 08:38

Also, she might get her period before she's 10 so how the fuck does he expect you to handle that?

Topseyt · 12/09/2015 08:42

Tell him that it is neither embarrassing nor anything to be ashamed of, and that you have no intention of lying to your DD when she asks questions.

Tell him also that many girls begin their periods before leaving primary school. Waiting too long isn't an option
.
Preserving innocence is just bollocks.

anothernumberone · 12/09/2015 08:47

Your dh is a prude. There is no need to make up stories about periods they are a part of growing to be a woman and they do not need to be shrouded in mystery.

Girls can get periods before 10 as a primary school teacher he should know that.

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/09/2015 08:47

Eek - I fear this is going to be one of those threads where the Great Mumsnet Public is so unanimously appalled at a DH's actions, that the OP backtracks and/or withdraws out of loyalty.

anothernumberone · 12/09/2015 08:50

I doubt it dowager in fairness it is the OP who first suggested his preciousness. I think she has his measure on this one. Sure we are all idiots at times I am sure this is not a commentary on him in general.

ProvisionallyAnxious · 12/09/2015 08:54

My DM never explained pads to me when I was little. I vividly remember once getting a bollocking for stuffing toilet paper in my knickers because I thought that was what you were supposed to do. I still didn't understand!

BathtimeFunkster · 12/09/2015 08:55

I hope if she ever runs in and catches him in the toilet he won't ruin her innocence if she asks what his penis is.

He should tell her a suitable lie like "sometimes I like to dress my middle up as an elephant."

JasperDamerel · 12/09/2015 08:57

I think that what he gets up to at home is more or less his own business (although in this case he's clearly wrong ) but I would have serious professional concern about a primary school teacher who withheld vital information from children - plenty of girls start their periods before the age of 10 - what would he do if this happened to a pupil? No girl should go through puberty unprepared, and sadly schools do need to step in sometimes where parents don't do their job.

Saltedcaramel4 · 12/09/2015 08:57

Your husband is being silly.

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