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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My sister is being unreasonable

36 replies

Harrylemon · 12/09/2015 06:58

Our mum died as few months back and she left behind two cats which were originally my sisters but she left my mum to look after them because she got a boyfriend who was allergic to cats.
My mums house is still up for sell and the two cats are living there.
My aunt took one of the cats but decided she didn't want the other.
My brother wanted to put the cat into a home but i said I will take the other cat.

Now this is my issue.
My brother had been feeding the cats everyday since my mum died. He lived the nearest but now he has got a full time job so can no longer do it from next week.

Which is fine as im taking the cat but I ALREADY have a cat and anyone with a cat knows you cannot just bring a cat into a cat home It takes time.

I asked my sister a week ago to bring a blanket to my house with the cats smell on it so I can give it to my cat.
She still hasn't done it.

She has also asked me to pick up the cat this week which I refused. I told her you cannot just bring a cat into a cat home like that. My cat needs to smell first and it will take a week.

She also unreasonably asked me to help her with going to the house and feeding the cat when she
Lives 15mins drive away and I live 1hour drive.

And she wouldn't have to keep going to feed the cat if she bothered to bring the blanket last week as the cat would be in my house.

She says she doesn't have time because she has a baby but she has time to go to bars, restaurants and general outside activities but cannot drive 15min to go feed a cat?

She's starting to piss me off.
It's her boyfriend who's allergic to cats which is why she cannot have the cat and it's her who is not doing as she was meant to so why should I have to suffer?
I'm already taking in the cat the least she can do is feed it until im ready to pick it up!

I'm stressed and have ALOT to do so maybe I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:

ollieplimsoles · 12/09/2015 07:12

Sorry for your loss op

But I think its clear that no one else gives a shit about this cat, you have to take it into your own hands. I would either collect the blanket myself, or just take the cat back to my house and keep them separate for a few days til they get used to each other. Is this a possibility?

VimFuego101 · 12/09/2015 07:15

I agree, just get the cat, take it home and keep it separate for a few days. We have always introduced new cats by putting them in a separate room with their own litter tray and feeding the new and old cats on opposite sides of the door so they can get used to each other's smells. Feliway helps too.

Sirzy · 12/09/2015 07:19

I don't quite understand why it has taken so long for things to be sorted for the poor cats? I agree if you are happy to home it then it becomes your responsibly to do so and it's probably best to do it sooner rather than later.

Not an issue worth falling out with siblings about surely?

browneyedgirl86 · 12/09/2015 07:23

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mum.

I don't agree that in every situation you need a blanket with the other cats scent on it, certainly not something we have ever done and I have had cats all my life.

As someone else said can't you get the cat, keep them separate for a few days, use Feliway and introduce them slowly.

Otherwise you could be waiting a while for the blanket.

Idefix · 12/09/2015 07:27

Sorry for your loss op, bereavement it is hard and takes time to adjust.
Yababitu you only live an hour away and I think busyor not it is probably a journey you could have made. It is clear neither of your siblings are able to or want to have this cat.

Personally I would just get the cat, ime your cats will sort themselves out with time and the blanket may make no difference.

I do agree that it is annoying that your ds has not retaken responsibility for her cat and you are being very lovely for doing so even though it is not convenient.

for your loss, you sound stressed and I hope this eases.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/09/2015 07:28

Forget the blanket, get the cat, keep it separate & introduce slowly. Don't leave it there any longer alone.

maddening · 12/09/2015 07:33

put fellaway plugins in your home and keep the cats separate in your home whilst introducing them slowly

PlaymobilPirate · 12/09/2015 07:40

Just get the cat - yours and the new one will be fine. Not sure why you think your sister is being unreasonable for not getting a blanket and delivering it to you. If you want the blanket you need to get it surely?

HorseyCool · 12/09/2015 07:40

Just get the cat, keep in a separate room etc

yeOldeTrout · 12/09/2015 07:50

I think you're wrong about introducing new cats. At least, we didn't do anything like you said. What HorseyCool said is what we did with Cat3, for 6 days, some smells & looks.

My mother used to just bring new adults in & let the cats sort selves out worked for her. I know someone else who does this with no trouble.

anotherbloomingusername · 12/09/2015 08:02

I'd agree on just getting the cat, keeping seperated within the home and gradual introductions. Done it plenty of times with no ill effects.

dragonfly007 · 12/09/2015 08:05

I am sorry for your loss and feel very sorry for the poor cat. Either collect it soon and introduce it slowly into your home or try or get it another home/take it to a shelter for rehoming. It's been without an adult to care and love it for months, that can't be right

SoupDragon · 12/09/2015 08:05

I think you are worrying unnecessarily about introducing the cat into your home. just go get it.

SoupDragon · 12/09/2015 08:07

do I understand it correctly that you want your sister to make a 2 hour round trip to bring you a cat blanket? 15 mins to and from the cat and then 45 minutes to and from you?? when she has a baby...

stopfaffing · 12/09/2015 08:08

What an upsetting time for you all . Just take the cat now, if there's a separate room you can keep it in for a couple of days to get used to your house, stick it in there with a litter tray. Introduce your other cat and see how they get on, it may take some time for the new cat to 'bed in'. When you let it into the garden for the first time, do it at breakfast/tea time and place a plate of their favourite cat food/treats by the door. They'll always remember and come back .

It is a kind thing you are doing, your mum will be happy that her cats are being looked after in the family, and it will all work out fine. Best of luck.

RomComPhooey · 12/09/2015 08:13

Is this really about the cat? Usually when someone gets so riled about something like this, its because the current "issue" is the tip of a very karge resentment iceberg. Just get the poor cat & introduce as others have suggested. But also ask yourself why you're making such an issue of it. What's really going on?

RomComPhooey · 12/09/2015 08:14

Large, not karge

Sparrowlegs248 · 12/09/2015 08:25

Just go and get the cat,keep it in a separate room and do blanket swaps between them for a few days. Your sister IBU but i think you are making too much over the blanket thing.

Fadingmemory · 12/09/2015 08:27

Just bring the cat home with you. Our older cat crept about looking peeved for a few days when we brought in a kitten but all settled down quickly. Old cat boxed young cat's ears once to my knowledge. They were not buddies but lived peaceably alongside one another.

I am sorry to hear about your mother. Only a suggestion and understandable but perhaps tiredness and stress are not helping your anxiety about this. Let us know how you get on.

eurochick · 12/09/2015 08:27

I agree with other posters - just go and get the cat ASAP.

19lottie82 · 12/09/2015 08:30

I'm sorry about your Mum OP but I don't think you should be having a go at your sister for not taking the cat if she doesn't want to. Especially if she has a baby and her DP is allergic!

It's pretty cruel on the cats that they've been there so long without anyone caring for them apart from simply feeding them.

If you want them take them. If not call the Cats Protection who will find them a new home.

yABU, sorry.

TimeToMuskUp · 12/09/2015 08:31

We didn't have time (or brains) to do slow introductions; we got our last two last summer and kept them in the guest bedroom for a few days and did gentle introductions from there. They all get on famously. I'd agree that you just need to get the cat to your house and begin from there.

Sorry for your loss your sister sounds as though she's not helping much at all; did you get on well before slosing your mum?

GloriaHotcakes · 12/09/2015 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 12/09/2015 08:40

I agree with others. I think you are over thinking the cat introduction and that this has become a focus of tension between you all in what is an extremely difficult time for you and your siblings.

I would do as others have suggested and take a step back from your siblings for a little while.

Crazypetlady · 12/09/2015 09:00

I agree the cat needs to be fetched but also agree your sister is being unreasonable, they were here cats in the first place she should put some effort in

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