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To think that boys and girls can play together if they like

26 replies

LittleLionMansMummy · 11/09/2015 09:55

Dsis and bil have 2 boys, 6 and 8. My ds is almost 5. We were at their house yesterday and bil was relaying the tale of a school drop off. Their eldest arrived in the school playground and asked some girls if he could play with them. Bil apparently shouted out "What do you want to play with girls for?!" Bil was apparently horrified. This isn't the first time he's drawn lines in the sand between 'girls' play and 'boys' play which really irritates me. Their youngest later referred to my ds as a 'girl' for doing something or other - a term he's clearly heard from his dad. Ds loves his cousins and spends quite a lot of time with them, but I don't want him to be influenced into thinking some things are off limits because of other people's gender biases. We never make a big issue of anything in this way and encourage him to play with everyone. We also go on the basis that there is no such thing as boys and girls activities - he'll make up his own mind about what he wants to do and who he wishes to play with and there's enough peer pressure as it is without adults adding to it.

Bil is always coming out with things like this, referring to his sons as 'pussies' if they fall over etc. He also insists on encouraging ds to play football when he's over there (he has no interest in football).

AIBU to object to this and if not, how do I react in future?

OP posts:

AugustRose · 11/09/2015 10:13

YANBU and BIL sounds like an arse. I have 2 DS and 2 DD so they are used to playing together and all manner of different games.

DD1(13) spends her break with a mix of male and female friends and while DD2 (8) seems to have mainly female friends she will quite happily play with anyone around. DS2 (4) spend the whole of nursery playing mainly with the two girls who had started with him.

Children should just be allowed to play, it doesn't matter what games or who with.


Egosumquisum · 11/09/2015 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 11/09/2015 10:33

Forget about your BIL. He's an idiot. Just make sure you are clear in explaining to your kids that he us wrong and that girls and boys can and do play brilliantly together. It only matters what you teach your children.


EduCated · 11/09/2015 10:54

Not sure it does only matter what parents say - comments from Uncles and others sow the seeds of doubt and help introduce the idea that boys and girls are so different that they need different toys/games/activities. Obviously it is still important to reassure your son that these ideas are silly!

Nothing useful to add, except that he's an arse. Hardly setting his sons up for healthy relationships with girls now and in later life.


curlycat · 11/09/2015 11:09

Both my DD(15) and DS(11) have always had a mix of boy and girl friends and to be honest neither of them seem to see any difference between genders. In fact DD's best friend is a boy. I think it gives them a very rounded outlook on people and relationships


mumofthemonsters808 · 11/09/2015 11:15

He would not be happy with my DS who is 5, he loves playing with girls, at home and at school. Sometimes he is the only boy invited to the girls parties but he really enjoys them.If he is happy, I'm happy, I'm just glad he has someone to play with.


tbtc20 · 11/09/2015 11:16

I presume your BIL enjoys the company of your sister. Is there an age when it's OK to play/engage with the opposite sex?! Ask him that.

If their son has got to the age of 8 and ran off to play with girls then I can assume that he's not hearing too much rubbish from his Dad.

I guess you can only really say anything to him if BIL says something to your son.


BathshebaDarkstone · 11/09/2015 11:24

YANBU. Like a PP, I have 2 DSs and 2 DDs, the older 2 played together (b/g), now the younger 2 play together. DD 8 plays with both boys and girls. I think at some point they start to think that boys/girls stink, but that's natural development. Your BIL obviously has some kind of problem. Hmm


cherrybakewelltart · 11/09/2015 11:24

My dd is 3 and her best friend is a boy. They play with tea sets, dolls, cars and Spider-Man quite happily together. Your BIL sounds like a plonker, so Yanbu. But not sure how you would handle it though, some people are just set in their ignorant ways.


iseenodust · 11/09/2015 11:36

DS is 11 and into football etc but his list for his birthday party is one third girls because he counts them as good friends. Your BIL is doing his DC no favours.


tobysmum77 · 11/09/2015 11:55

Yanbu but his views aren't that unusual I think. Generally it's more subtle than hollering across the playground but its there. Dd is 6 and mixes equally with boys and girls.


Lightbulbon · 11/09/2015 11:57

I wouldn't want my DCs being around someone as toxic as BIL.


lynniep · 11/09/2015 11:57

What a d*ck. I feel sorry for his boys.
My DS1 (8) prefers the company of boys, and thats his preference. My DS2 (almost 6) prefers the company of girls and that too is his preference.
It sounds like its too late to talk sense into your BIL so just ignore the twat and carry on as you have been doing :)


WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 11/09/2015 11:57

yANBU your BIL sounds like an arse.


ems1910 · 11/09/2015 12:04

What a prick. I would have to say something to him but I am so pa and hate confrontation that it would be aimed at him through a comment but not directly to him lol.

One of my friend's husband's used to bang on about boys playing with kitchens and toy vacuums etc. One day he said something about it to his son in front of me and my son. I just calmly (was raging) said that I felt so lucky my husband helped me with cooking, vacuuming and ironing as obviously he does none of those things because they are 'gay'. He never spoke about it again Grin


Nataleejah · 11/09/2015 12:43

Seriously? What an arse


LittleLionMansMummy · 11/09/2015 20:11

Seems fairly unanimous then! I tend to ignore it but also wonder if my ds should see me challenge it...?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/09/2015 20:15

Teach your DS the word 'misogynist' and get him to practice it in front of BIL.

I would go for "can you say, 'misogynist' darling? That's someone who doesn't like women and girls. I know! How silly. Only very silly people think like that". It would work on my BIL because he's a bit of a knobber but also a coward so doesn't fuck with me.


RiverTam · 11/09/2015 20:18

Obviously he's a twat, however I assume your DNs have 2 parents - why is your Dsis allowing this to go unchallenged? And yes, for all the DCs sake I would call him out on this Every Single Time, and expect 100% back up from your DH.


BolshierAyraStark · 11/09/2015 20:26

Fuckwit, DD regularly has boys round for tea/play & vice versa.


Lurkedforever1 · 11/09/2015 20:37

Yanbu. Next time another family member approaches your bil you should shout 'come away we don't speak to twats'.
If there are kids present just stick to using bils name as a verb for anything stupid or unlikeable. Eg if he's called Tarqin. 'I made a right tarquin of myself earlier tripping up in the shop' 'no, we don't watch eastenders, it's a bit tarquin' 'ukip? Can't stand them, bunch of tarquins that they are'


LumpySpacedPrincess · 11/09/2015 21:49

Would you ignore racism?


dustarr73 · 11/09/2015 22:19

My sons aged 7 and 6 play with girls and boys.As long as they have somebody they dont mind the gender.I can never get my head around idiots like that,then they wonder why the kids dont be invited anywhere.


BackforGood · 11/09/2015 22:31

I certainly wouldn't ignore his ridiculous comments, I'd challenge them each and every time I heard him say one.


DustyCropHopper · 11/09/2015 22:49

YANBU. Ds1 has always had lots of girls in his friendship group, in fact for the first 2 years at school it was really only girls he played with. Dd is 4 and just started school and is very friendly with a little boy, who happens to be a younger sibling of one of ds1's friends!

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