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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my baby being u?

77 replies

ReRegRhonda · 10/09/2015 12:50

My baby is 15 short weeks old. He's ebf on demand and cries when he needs something. Yesterday my dm had hold of him and he started to make a noise, like a half cough half cry, just a shout to let us know he needed something - he's started to shout/make noise like this rather than all out cry. So my dm said he was trying to force himself to cry because he wanted attention because he's spoilt! My aibu is, am I actually spoiling the child, can babies force a cry for attention at 3 months or is my mum crackers? I genuinely can't decide, I feel that babies this small can't be 'spoilt' but she's made me wonder!

OP posts:

Dildals · 10/09/2015 13:33

Babies need a developed neocortex to manipulate if I remember correctly and that's definitely not at 15 weeks!

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 13:35

I totally agree TimeTo I am an older person but was into child centredness and our 3 dcs are brilliant independent adults.

They were picked up and bf as soon as they cried. Also shared our bed.

scatterthenuns · 10/09/2015 13:51

Agree with nottheOP. Mum is just doing what she thinks is right according to common practice when you were born.

Luckily, we've had a good few years of development to iron out some of the creases. OP, you should smile smugly and knowingly, brush it off, and carry on as you are.

LadySheherazade · 10/09/2015 14:12

Babies that are 5 and 6 months old are a lot different to those just over three months (for a start).

But yes, she's being daft. Of course he isn't spoilt!

Original poster

ReRegRhonda · 18/09/2015 11:45

She's still insisting he's cheeky, spoilt and needs formula and I'm naive for thinking small babies aren't manipulative!!

OP posts:

ppeatfruit · 18/09/2015 12:02

OMG ReREg Of course they are they'd be dead if they weren't. I love the 'The only cry for attention' ERR yes !!!!!

Original poster

ReRegRhonda · 19/09/2015 07:23

They clearly need something at this age though, they aren't just being evil! She's silly is my mum.

OP posts:

onecurrantbun1 · 19/09/2015 07:32

My little girl didn't startmsleeping through until she was 18months old, but sleep through she does now! Icried that first night cos I missed her so much! Really, it's such a short time, and I'm also of the belief that babies of fifteen weeks can't manipulate and become spoilt. Please enjoy the cuddles, singing and milk-drunk smiles while they last.

Suzietwo · 19/09/2015 07:39

Hmmmm

I'm a it sympathetic towards your mum. Mine said similar things and I've taken a lot if her advice along the way. Rejected other. And I DO seem to have less bother with my babies than lots of other people. So maybe there's something in the old ways

SalemSaberhagen · 19/09/2015 07:42

You can only spoil a child with something they don't need. What child, what adult even!, doesn't need need love, affection and cuddles? Ignore your DM!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 19/09/2015 07:44

What do you mean by less bother Suzie? I BF on demand, didn't leave her to cry etc and she seems to be a fairly normal nearly 2 year old to me!

Suzietwo · 19/09/2015 08:01

I bet she is totally normal! I'm not saying otherwise. Just I hear a lot of crap about kids not eating not sleeping not weaning not taking bottles getting into parents beds at night etc. and it's fine if the parents don't mind. But sometimes they seem to mind.

ipswichwitch · 19/09/2015 08:13

A lot of the time though, parenting has bot all to do with DC sleeping/eating. My DC are parented the same and yet I have one who eats anything and everything, and will sleep soundly for 11 hours a night. The other can be a fussy eater when the mood takes him, and is an appalling sleeper (partly due to health problems). They are like chalk and cheese, and I firmly believe some babies are more demanding/less easily settled than others, which, as I said before, often has sod all to do with parenting technique. Some just get lucky.

thesmallbear · 19/09/2015 08:23

If you get the Wonder Weeks App for your phone, it helps you track your baby's development week by week and explains why you can't spoil them. I think it says a child can't be soiled until they are about 1.5 years old.

Suzietwo · 19/09/2015 08:26

I count my blessings every night

Catsize · 19/09/2015 08:32

Perhaps you have an exceptionally bright child. Or your mum is forgetting things a bit.
I am late 30s and like a pp, was put in my pram at the bottom of the garden for hours to cry so my mum couldn't hear me.
Have various emotional and confidence shoos now. Related to this? Don't know, but I have never left my kids to cry like that.

horsewalksintoabar · 19/09/2015 08:38

OP, come on...really? You know the answer to this me thinks. It's an absolute rubbish, old fashioned mentality still clung to by mothers who, in their day, were as clueless as they are now. Ignore her and snuggle your baby. Get an Ama wrap! I swear by it. So good for both you and baby.

InimitableJeeves · 19/09/2015 08:42

She's not bonkers, it is just how she did it along with everyone in her generation.

Sorry, that's nonsense, unless she's 80ish. It sounds like she's my generation or even younger, and we were brought up on Penelope Leach who was all about demand feeding, co-sleeping, not leaving babies to cry - in fact everything that OP is doing.

Suzietwo · 19/09/2015 08:52

Didn't some women reject Penelope? Like they do gina ford?

GiraffesAndButterflies · 19/09/2015 09:01

In response to your mum, I suggest an incredibly patronising "Gosh, isn't it terrible how they used to tell people these things about how you can spoil a baby? Doesn't it just break your heart thinking about those poor children who just needed cuddles and were refused them all the time? Isn't it such a relief we know better now? And now we know babies are different and can give them what each one needs ..." Etc etc. Really lay it on thick.

In my experience it'll either shut her up or make you feel better.

FatalFemme · 19/09/2015 09:25

Your baby wants attention and cuddles? YABU. Manipulative little swine. Don't do it, OP, before you know it you'll have one of those well-adjusted children on your hands.

ppeatfruit · 19/09/2015 09:59

Seriously, there has been research done in America looking at 'criminals' brains and 'normal' brains, apparently the criminals have undeveloped stems which is where the feelings of compassion are situated. The stems grow properly when the baby is loved and attended to when she needs it.

Of course not everyone who has been ignored by their parents\carers at the crucial stage grows up to be a criminal but it may be one of the reasons for drug\alcohol addiction, depression etc. later on in life.

beetrootpickle · 19/09/2015 10:07

When I read the title, I honestly thought this was a joke thread at first!

Your mum is nuts. (sorry!)

I don't believe that any 3 month old not even if he were a Professor Maggie Aderin-Pocock and Hawking's love-child could be duplicitous. Thank your mother for her faith that your 3 month old is such a genius!

There are a lot of studies out there to show the benefits of going to newborns instantly. In the first few weeks, they go from a newborn's instinctual cry to trying to communicate with you. If you have been responding as he has tried this (coughs to you) - and before he has got distressed (cries), that is awesome.

It builds communication skills, trust, attachment - all sorts of lovely things for your baby's development. You are doing a great job!

Pretend Chatting is a fantastic thing to do at this age - basically, as he tries to cough/babble/coo to you, try to "answer" him , then let him "say" something back etc (he has been learning the rhythm of his language and your speech patterns from the womb - now he will be keen to participate!)

great article here

MrsKCastle · 19/09/2015 10:19

Of course small babies can cry for attention. Because as pps have said, babies need attention like they need food and sleep. And it would be cruel to withhold it. Give your baby all the snuggles he asks for and ignore your mum.

InimitableJeeves · 19/09/2015 12:46

Yes, of course, not everyone followed Penelope Leach. But my point is - please don't stereotype, and please don't assume that anyone older than 40 or even 60 was automatically a firm believer in leaving babies to cry, 4 hourly feeding, weaning at rigidly defined ages, smacking or indeed my mother's frequently advocated giving the baby your finger dipped in brandy to suck.

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