Help needed with my almost 6 year old DS. Playing up at school but perfect at home. What do I do?

[Onlastnerve]

Hello all,

My Y1 son (one of the eldest in his year) is behaving badly at school.

So far this term (4 days) he has drawn on someone else's work, thrown a football in someone's face, pushed someone out of a queue, had a food fight at lunchtime, called someone names, stayed outside at the end of playtime instead of rejoining his class, and 2 or 3 incidents of pushing/shoving in the playground.

I spoke to school (I asked for the meeting). They say he has poor impulse control, needs to take direction from the teachers, show more empathy.

He is basically well behaved in the mornings and low level disruptive in the afternoons. I think his behaviour is high level disruptive! The school think these are minor incident. I am horrified by the way he's behaving and scared he's going to turn into a bully.

I want the school to tell me at the end of each day if he has behaved well. They are point blank refusing to because (1) they cannot do this for 30 children and (2) they don't think he should end the school day being reminded of a misdemeanour that happened that morning and has already been dealt with.

All they want me to do is talk to him. This behaviour occurred all through last year (Reception) and I asked for regular meetings. They refused to cooperate with a daily book for me (something simple, a smiley face for good behaviour etc) last year as the teacher did not have time. I am trying to follow through with removing treats/toys at home if he has behaved badly at school, but my hands are tied because the school are refusing this communication.

The advice from school to "talk to him at home" has been followed for a year. I have talked to him/role played situations with him/read books about being unkind to friends etc.

The trouble is, it is making no difference. He behaves well when he is with me. When he goes to school he behaves like a terror. No matter how much talking I do, it's having no effect.

He gets 12 hours sleep, has a very healthy diet and sport at least 5 times a week including PE. He is able to concentrate for long periods on his work (school have commented on this), he is doing well with reading, handwriting, maths etc. No complaints about him academically.

I asked school about SEN and they think not. I don't know what to do :(

"Energy drinks at 5 years old?!"

Yes because some parents are that stupid. Where I live I've seen parents putting red bull in baby bottles!

But for the OP's child to be 'getting hold of' energy drinks at lunch time (implying that she hasn't given them directly to him) then 1) another child must be bringing them in and 2) sharing them. Neither of those would be allowed in any primary school I've worked in.

Agreed it shouldn't be happening but unfortunately I've known it go. Plus it was only one option I've posited.

My son was the same when he was younger. He was at his worst in P1 - 3. Very impulsive and behaviour that would get him attention or laughs from his class mates. It had a huge impact on his self esteem because of the constant negative feedback. We were incredibly lucky in that he got two teachers back to back who taught him for 2 years each who were really committed to him. Both worked hard at ignoring as much of the negative behaviour and responding to positive. It changed things for my boy. The impulse control improved with age too.

Listen to what the teachers are telling you. If they consider it minor, it is. If they say it's been dealt with, it has. Don't give him any more negative feedback. Talk to him, but no more punishments at home. I made that mistake and it wasn't fair.

Hi I’m wondering if you are still online and if you figured anything out OP? I’m facing the same with my son. Thank you