To make my ds sit for an entrance exam for a private school I can never afford?

[lexlee]

We live two streets away from a very expensive but great private school. DS is clever (particularly in Maths and music) and has already sat exams for the selective schools. I am confident he could pass the exam, but at the moment unless he got a 100% scholarship, it is is not affordable.

For some reason, I have my heart set on him going to the school. I just know he would thrive there.My husband says it is wasting everyone's time, notwithstanding the 150 registration/exam fee. If ds gets in but no meaningful scholarship is offered then it is a waste and ds will be disappointed. The school website says the only scholarship they give is 10% of the fees.

I have been a sahm for the last 10 years and have thought about returning to work just so we could afford the school. We worked out I need to earn at least 25k a year to afford the school. I am not sure what work I could get - I only ever worked as a civil servant in another country and have never worked in the UK. But what job pays 25k working between school hours?

Oh well, sorry for this rant!

Any advice is welcome.

What are your skills?

That would be easier to answer if we knew what your skills and qualifications were.

Are your local secondary schools no good then? If he's bright, motivated and has good support and attitude from parents he'll do well anywhere! My dc's went to bog standard secondary school and both came out well rounded and with decent results.

You could pay all that money and he might do worse with the pressure of having to justify the espense.

• expense

On the face of it, it would be pretty pointless.

Do you have any equity of savings? A house you could remortgage?

If you can't afford the private school I wouldn't waste the time and effort on the exam, and risk subsequent disappointment.

Check whether bursaries are also available and whether you'd qualify for one. Scholarships nowadays are generally token gestures only to acknowledge the gift the child has. Bursaries are generally means tested if available. Many independent schools operate a bursry system in order to maintain their charitable status. If you child is gifted in maths & music then I am sure if you qualify they'd love to have him. Otherwise I would say there isn't really any ppint especially if he has taken other selective exams and you have the satisfaction of knowing he can pass this type of exam.

I very much doubt you would be offered any scholarship/bursary if you are a SAHM, even if your son scored 100% on the exam and wowed the Head at the interview the school would expect your family to maximise income and/or use savings etc to pay the fees.

So do the school give bursaries? If so under what terms.
What does your son have to offer the school, scholarships and bursaries tend to go to children who are bringing some thing special to the school.

Don't forget all the extras uniform, voluntary payments, summer childcare, sports equipment etc etc

What are the selective schools? You mean state selectives? It sounds like there are other good options for your ds - I think you should let go of your fixation on this particular one.

does DS actually want to go to this school? I don't think you should "make" him sit an exam just because you have a fancy he should go there

Don't forget that there will be plenty of other costs to budget for over and above the fees and uniform. However, you might find that there are a few different ways to access financial assistance (sports and academic award), though you will be expected to be working in many cases before you are eligible for any hardship funds

If you can't afford it then yes, YABU.

Is this secondary or primary? If secondary then presumably the requirement for school hours job is less important (or will be eventually).

Talk to the school and see what the actual state of play is on bursaries - you'd presumably be looking for an income-related bursary not a sparely academic scholarship.

It's not the value of the scholarship that's important - it is whether they offer bursaries. Most scholarships these days are pretty notional and it is the bursary funds that help people attend.

You should probably call the school and have a chat with the bursar - if they don't offer large bursaries then you know where you stand.

Sorry I meant the school is unlikely to offer a bursary, the 10% scholarship can be offered irrespective of your family's finances.

YABVU If it's as presented - i.e. no chance he could go. You need to do a lot more research and have at least a fair shot at finding the costs before making DS take the exam - IMHO it's not fair for him to take the exam if there's no prospect of him going. TBH I don't really understand why you would even do this - are you thinking that if he passes with flying colours it will give you and/or DH a incentive to find the cash somehow?
Don't forget to factor in uniform, trips etc - private school isn't just about the fees.

If they don't offer 100% bursaries then he can't go. So it would be silly to do the exam. Just concntrate on making the best of what's available and make sure your son goes to secondary school feeling positive and ready to do his best.

Do they offer bursaries? If a 10% scholarship is the absolute max they can offer, then Yabu to let him sit the exam.
If however they offer means tested bursaries of up to 100%, then speak to the bursar to find out about them, and whether he may possibly stand a chance of getting one on both the mean testing aspect and how they are awarded.
The fee to sit them sounds ridiculous to me though, if they offer bursaries I'd also be asking if they offer a significant discount to enter, because that alone makes me think they are either deliberately putting off low income bursary applications, or they don't offer them at all.

Lots of school waive the application fee for bursary applicants for obvious reasons.

This is pointless, full cover of fees is ridiculously rare, they also need to normally sit extra tests and assessments for scholarships. Unless you know you can pay for it, don't even go down that road. How old is he? Do you have other children?

Call the school. Ask them what financial support they offer, what the requirements are for it, what you would need to do to access it. You don't know what's there unless you ask, and it should answer your question for you.

Also was going to say, all my elder children went to state school before joining private school at 13, this is not unusual at all, if he is very young, could you work towards him being able to go there for the last 5 years? This is where private education is really worth it ime/o.

Do you mean it costs ??25k? You'd have to be earning like ??40k. Or would you need to be paid ??25k to take home enough to pay the fees?

It's possible you could happen across an admin type role paying ??25k but doesn't seem likely when you have no experience or skills.

It's almost like you think DS will do so well they will beg you to send him there and declare they will pay all fees just to have him.

Also, if he is going to secondary school, why would you be confined to only working school hours. Surely if so smart/capable he could look after himself for a couple of hours after school.

Sorry but after 10 years at home you'd be lucky to earn half that to begin with.
Seems all like a pointless waste of cash to me.

You already live off one wage so you would be better off getting a part/full time job and saving up for if/when he goes to uni instead. If he doesn't it could be to help him set up his own home etc.

I think you'd be better off trying to get him into the best school you can afford and making sure he has access to all the stuff that adds cultural capital - ie books, museums, galleries, theatre, music etc. And I agree that clever kids do well regardless of school. Fwiw I went to cambridge from a state school and now have a career comparable to any of my privately schooled uni friends.