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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have 2 days off work as my child has been sick and I need to follow 48 hour rule

72 replies

peppajay · 08/09/2015 22:49

AIBU that I need to take time off work when my child is ill as I don't have family close by to help. I am going to have to take the next two days off as my son has been sick so he now needs 48 hours off school. Most of the other members of staff leave their kids with family but I have no one close by and I don't think I can expect a friend to look after a child who is probably contagious. I had 2 days off when my DD was sick last year and it was frowned upon. I am so very very tempted to just keep him off for 24 hrs as I know alot of my colleagues do this so they only have to find childcare for the one day. So as I working parent how do I get round this??

OP posts:
goblinhat · 09/09/2015 07:50

It's so difficult isn't it.
I gave up work when the kids were born as stuff like this was just too hard.
My son had chronic illness during primary school ( always around 70% attendance) - working would have been impossible. I also have no family and my OH often works away.

SoupDragon · 09/09/2015 07:51

Soup sometimes you can't afford to take unpaid leave

Then you probably cant afford to lose your job can you?

AgentProvocateur · 09/09/2015 07:59

Agree with SoupDragon. Don't lie about being ill - you really don't want a poor sickness record. It's often taken into account as a redundancy criteria, and may trigger capability proceedings if you're off "sick" a lot.

ilovesooty · 09/09/2015 08:04

I agree with SoupDragon too.

And claiming to be sick when you aren't is gross misconduct so if you can't afford unpaid leave you'll be screwed if you're sacked and can't get another job.

Shiningdew · 09/09/2015 08:06

It's too black and white soup, you know it is.

swimmerforlife · 09/09/2015 08:10

Could you work from home?

Tbh I would be tempted to ring up sick myself.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 09/09/2015 08:38

Our school has a 24 hour rule which is more practical. Are you sure yours is 48? I think I'd ask for unpaid leave and see what your boss says. It's rubbish though.

Topseyt · 09/09/2015 08:49

I think a 24 hour rule is far more sensible. Mine were often more than well again and ready to go back to school by then.

48 hours is fine for a SAHP, but hard on working parents. Mine are all teenagers now, so no longer an issue here.

SlightlyJadedJack · 09/09/2015 08:55

Just because a child is not being sick anymore doesn't mean they're not contagious. The 48hr rule is there to protect others ffs. I get so cross with this every year as soon as the D&V bugs start going around. The reason they go round so fast is people not keeping sick children home.

SlightlyJadedJack · 09/09/2015 08:56

And I'm a working parent!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/09/2015 09:06

If you can take two days unpaid/annual leave and your company are fine with you doing it at short notice then yanbu

If they are not fine with it, especially if you are the default "less important job" you should be splitting it with your partner so that both employers feel the pain and don't feel done over. Otherwise frankly you are fast tracking yourself out the door.

Look for a reliable emergency nanny/babysitter service for day 2 of the 48 hr rule if you have no back up at all. Depending on the job and the age of the child, working from home may be an option but more than one day to keep an eye on / help settle in emergency childcare is unusual even for a flexible employer

Caveat - it's different if your child is quite sick, most employers will recognise that the child has to come first even if they don't like it. But your question is about observing the 48 hr rule.

Don't call in sick - it's the first thing in most redundancy selection criteria after performance grade.

Last point. I have a child that throws up if she eats junk sweets at parties. Coloured jellies, M&M's, too many crisps etc. Its a well established routine with her so I don't observe the 48 hr rule in that case. Otherwise, it's there for a reason. I wouldn't wish a class of 30 vomiting 5 yr olds on my worst enemy. Could you imagine it?

InimitableJeeves · 09/09/2015 09:16

Soup sometimes you can't afford to take unpaid leave. Not oh I won't be able to buy those shoes this month more oh how will I buy food and pay my rent with days off unpaid.

But sometimes employers can't afford to pay people who aren't there. Fine if it's taken as holiday, but there shouldn't be an expectation that this sort of absence will always be paid.

OP, this is something you should really have raised when you took the job.

catsmother · 09/09/2015 09:29

My child's primary school had the 48 hour rule - but now they're at middle school it's 24 ..... which I don't understand at all, surely the age of the child makes no difference to their level of contagion?

So far as taking time off is concerned I have huge sympathy with OP as there are times when it can be literally impossible to manage. I also understand completely about gross misconduct, sickness records and so forth but think some people fail to appreciate that not everyone can put contingency plans in place for every eventuality and sometimes, even the most conscientious and (usually) honest person can come up against a situation where there's nowhere left for them to turn.

Typically, this is perhaps particularly true for single parents who can't always share the burden with the other parent regardless of whether that's fair or not. I was a single parent with my older child for 9 years and to my shame - and believe me it gave me sleepless nights for all the reasons already outlined - there were probably 2 or 3 separate occasions during that time when I lied to my employer about being sick myself because I'd genuinely run out of ALL other options ....

.... these were times towards the end of the year when I had used all my annual leave, I had used all my unpaid leave (5 days p.a. allowed and would never take unless I absolutely had to as it had a detrimental financial affect), I had used all my parental leave (5 days allowed), no family or friends willing or able to fill the gap, no spare money (after essentials) or credit card to buy in help - and even if I'd gone into debt would not have been able to service it at the time as money was so tight, was unable to work from home although perfectly willing to do so. So what was I - and others in a similar position - supposed to do ?

The absolute alternative I suppose would have been to give up work and claim benefits, which, at the time, would have been an easier and more 'generous' process than it is now. But that would also have clearly been wrong. I wanted to work, to set a good example to my child and, most years, thankfully, I just about managed to cover off their illness and accidents without unduly affecting my job.

Of course, had I been earning more, buying in paid help for emergencies - which, by its very nature, i.e. usually last minute - is hugely expensive - wouldn't have been such an issue. But unfortunately my particular skills experience and qualifications didn't allow me to obtain such a role. This obviously also applies to many other parents as well and it boils down IMO to what's the lesser of two evils - not working at all to avoid the very occasional (for most of us thankfully) issue of emergency time off - or, when all your other 'options' have run out, being dishonest (when there's NOTHING else you can do) and claiming you are sick ? I think, actually, that this should be considered a wider, community issue rather than a personal one ...... these days the vast majority of parents work and everyone knows kids get sick, break bones etc .... it's therefore inevitable that some employees will have to take last minute time off every so often. Maybe if employers were willing to be more flexible about this people wouldn't have to lie ? .... many of them resist the idea for example of their employees working from home, even when they have stuff they could usefully complete there without any negative effect on the business, simply because it's not the 'done' thing. Or perhaps more of them should allow employees to make the time up bit by bit ? Most employers know full well which of their employees can usually be relied upon to work at full capacity and not take advantage, and if they were willing to show a bit more flexibility towards decent employees maybe people wouldn't feel pushed into (very occasionally) lying.

And then of course, you have others who are understandably worried about their job and their employer's lack of sympathy/flexibility who do end up sending kids back in while they're still infectious - which just compounds the issue X 20 as other kids then come down with the same thing and their parents will then also have to face the same problem of juggling work v care.

BrandNewAndImproved · 09/09/2015 09:37

The last job I had I got threatened with the sack if I took anymore time off for sick children. So yes I lied and I don't particularly need to be validated by anyone on here whether lying was right or wrong. You weren't in my situation and you weren't paying my rent so I could 'tell the truth' soup.

I moved jobs because of this and now work for the council who area lot more understanding and there's no need to lie.

mandy214 · 09/09/2015 09:38

I agree with most of what you've said catsmother except for the part about conscientious employees. My previous employer had quite a generous sick policy (20 days I think) and 5 days emergency leave. I shared an office with someone (just the 2 of us) who would regularly speak to her husband about planning holidays etc and would say things like "well I've only got 2 days holiday left but I've still got 10 days sick left so just book it for that week and I'll call in sick". She simply thought of those days as additional annual leave to take.

So whilst there are still people who think like that, or who don't necessarily appreciate the commercial reality for an employer, some employers will still be reluctant to be accommodating.

SoupDragon · 09/09/2015 09:42

I don't particularly need to be validated by anyone on here whether lying was right or wrong.

I don't need any kind of validation either.

m0therofdragons · 09/09/2015 09:49

I'm really intrigued, where do you find a reliable nanny or babysitter who's willing to look after a sick dc? Do they exist?

Dh and I share it but we can work from home to an extent - not ideal but in emergencies. Is there anything you could do from home?

DarthVadersTailor · 09/09/2015 09:53

YANBU in the slightest. The 48hr rule is there for a reason and if your child needs you to be at home to look after them then so be it.

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/09/2015 10:04

I'm an SAHM, as I was when DS1 was at school. He's got cystic fibrosis and was once off for a fortnight. How do you make a contingency plan for that if you're a WOHP?

peppajay · 09/09/2015 11:21

Thanks for all your responses. I have taken today off and DH will take tomorrow off , he already took lots of time off last year as his mother was ill so he is trying to keep within their absence rules but it is so difficult. He is also next of kin for his grandmother so has had lots of time off when she has been ill, as her other son and family live in Australia so there is no one else. I phoned up my work this morning and they seemed much more understanding than normal. Just so annoying as he is fine and there is a 48 hour rule, he is fine he could easily go back tomorrow!!! What worries me is when the winter comes and the temperature/cough/cold bugs come out these sometimes last for several days and there is no way you can send your child in with a high temp and this means more taking time off. I didn't know there was a such a thing as as a nanny who will look after sick children. I have a friend who is a childminder and she operates the 48 hr rule- I did ask her about tomorrow but she is adamant about the 48 hour rule!! My friends rely on grandparents but unfortunately I cant do this as one is ill, one dead and the others live 60 miles away!!!

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 09/09/2015 12:09

We can take time off, but we're expected to be able to have some sort of backup that we can call on. I have a three year old, I'm a single parent, and a teacher. We can't just take a few days off with no warning if it can be avoided. We'll take the first day off, but should really try and spend that day getting some assistance for the next day.

mandy214 · 09/09/2015 12:49

OP - would your parents / PIL drive to meet you (if they're 60 miles away) so they could help in an emergency. If you each have 30 miles to drive, albeit it would be an early start, you could meet them, drop your child off and then still get into work. Same again in the evening.

Not ideal if its a D&V bug but if he's OK and you're just enforcing the 48 rules, might be an option?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/09/2015 13:36

It depends on the bug. An agency nanny wouldn't come near you if the child had something contagious like D&V but for a common cold or chickenpox (if they'd had it already obv) then you might get someone out.

A friend has an arrangement with her babysitter who is basically a retired widower in her early 60's for emergency childcare.

So it's a case by case basis depending on the illness usually. Anything that reduces the amount of holiday time taken to care for "sick" kids the better really.

I've had 3.5 days as holiday this calendar year and about the same in the last quarter before Christmas last year to cover my kids and my nanny's sick leave/antenatal apts and my DH has split it equally with me so that's up to 14 days between us. I'm trying to hold at least 5 days per annum to cover the kids being sick at the moment.

JohnCusacksWife · 09/09/2015 13:56

Am amazed at all these places where you're allowed to take the day off to care for your children. My employer expects you to take annual leave for any such absence.

BrandNewAndImproved · 09/09/2015 14:08

John some employers make you book all your annual leave in January, others work a term time pro rota contract with no annual leave as you have half terms. You can't always ring and say my child's sick can I take it as holiday.

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