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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really scared of sleepwalking dh?

30 replies

mispolly · 08/09/2015 20:28

Ok so some history. Dh has had a history of night terrors/sleepwalking since he was a child. His mum took him to the doctors but nothig was really done, just advised to not eat late at night etc. Since we've been together he's dragged me across the bed by my feet, told me to put the knife down (whilst in bed) peed in some unimaginable places, gripped my bump very hard several times while pregnant (he thought I was falling out of bed when I was turning over) and just generally shouts out/talks utter nonsense in his sleep. He's 6ft 2 and a really big heavy build and I'm getting pretty scared.
Last night I woke up to him standing up in the middle of the room removing a light bulb from the ceiling light, he could have electrocuted himself or pulled the ceiling down!
Starting to actually get a little worried for his safety and me and dc's. We have 2 small children and I'm not sure what he's actually capable of.
Any advice or experience would be greatly appreciated.

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vulgarbunting · 08/09/2015 20:33

You poor thing. I suffer from night terrors (nowhere near as bad as that though). It is horrible for all involved.

This isn't something that you should put up with, he needs to go back to the doctor and go to a sleep clinic. All I do with my night terrors (roughly once a fortnight) is turn on all the lights in the house, and run around a bit, and I am considering going to a doctor about it.

Gruntfuttock · 08/09/2015 20:37

I'd be terrified too. Surely there must be some treatment he can get. I'd be a nervous wreck if my husband was doing things like that, especially with two small children.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2015 20:38

What is HE doing about it?

petalsandstars · 08/09/2015 20:38

There is another thread recently where the OPs DH was going to a sleep clinic for similar behaviour - her and children are at risk from his behaviour as he can't control his "sleep actions"

Original poster
mispolly · 08/09/2015 20:38

Thanks vulgarbunting I am going to make him go back to the doctors, I'm exhausted myself, I'm so on edge about where he is and what he's up to that I'm not getting an awful lot of sleep.
He works really silly shift patterns that consist of nights, lates and days in a 3 weekly rota so his sleep patters are very messed up which I don't think helps.
Have you noticed anything in particular triggers your sleepwalking?

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SlowlyGoingINSAINIA · 08/09/2015 20:40

Is it an option for you to move into another bedroom and put a lock on the door?

Original poster
mispolly · 08/09/2015 20:41

Unfortunately not slowly were in a 3 bed and dc's have a room each but not big enough to share.

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Paintedhandprints · 08/09/2015 20:55

Hi op. My dh has sleepwalking night terrors too. However he has never done anything threatening. I'm more worried about him hurting himself. They usually only occur when he is stressed about something or is suffering from sleep deprivation or both.

Original poster
mispolly · 08/09/2015 20:58

Thanks printedhandprints dh is stressed and sleep deprived so that is probably what's triggering it at the minute.
We've been together for 8 years and it's mostly been on and off throughout, but never as serious as taking out bulbs from ceiling lights!

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TendonQueen · 08/09/2015 21:00

Does he know and understand how scary it is? I think you need to remind him of that. I couldn't sleep in a house where that was likely to happen. Point out to him as well how bad he will feel if he grips you too hard while you have a bump.

TendonQueen · 08/09/2015 21:02

Not that there is an acceptable level of gripping someone's bump, but you know what I mean..

vulgarbunting · 08/09/2015 21:05

Stress is very definitely a cause, and he could be prescribed benzodiazepines to help with this, or learn how to manage his stress in different ways. There really are things that can be done, but as it is unusual in adults (and underreported) you will need to push for help.

FanDabbyFloozy · 08/09/2015 21:11

I am also a sufferer so can sympathize with you and your husband. Pre-kids, it was always about an intruder in the room. Once the babies arrived, I set a rule that we could never co-sleep - they were in the baby basket/cot in our room but that was it. Once they were bigger and had moved out of the room, my most common nightmares was about losing the babies and other such variants of this dream. This has now morphed into losing the family pet!

I guess I'm rambling now but I wanted to illustrate how uncontrollable it is. For me there is a definite link to sleep deprivation and stress, and night terrors. Now that the babies are older kids and sleep is back in my life, it has improved hugely.

I second asking your husband to go to the doctors if he can't control it himself by getting lots more sleep and reducing stress (new job?). There are sleep clinics which monitor you overnight but the result will probably be medication which may or may not be what you both want.

cowmop · 08/09/2015 21:18

There was a programme (I think on Channel 4), a year or so ago that looked at different people with "bad" sleeping habits. One of the people they treated was a sleepwalker who was constantly waking up her flatmate. All they actually did in the end was put a small bolt on her bedroom door. It worked right from the first night. I think the theory was that because she knew she couldn't get out she just didn't try even when deeply asleep.

Idefix · 08/09/2015 21:19

My dsis suffered with nightmares and sleep walking and waking dreams they seem to really increase in frequency when she first left uni.

Gp recommended hypnotherapy and the effect this had was amazing. The frequency and severity of the episodes massively decreased, she does still talk in sleep but no longer gets up and strip beds, try to hoover.

Really feel for you op, the sleep deprivation that both you and dh are suffering must be grinding. Yy to being scared, used to dread staying over with dsis.

Original poster
mispolly · 08/09/2015 21:22

Thanks FanDabbyFloozy, Dh never remembers any of the dreams or thoughts that go along with the night waking so I'm not sure what thoughts might be triggering his but how scary for you.

Dh has been working 12 hour days and 7 day weeks whilst trying to help my mum move house bless him so he really is exhausted.
He wouldn't admit that he's stressed but he worries about money a lot which won't be helping.

We've got a lot going on at the minute so he probably just needs to take care of himself better and see the gp.
He's also a little heavier than he should be which makes him to snore quite heavily so that could be disturbing his sleep.
Really glad yours has improved, I've already put him on strict instructions to come home from work at a reasonable hour and not drink any caffeine before bed.

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Sanchar · 08/09/2015 21:39

Does anyone remember the news story about the man who strangled his wife during a night terror? story here

Definitely get him to go back to the GP.

My dh also has nightmares, so far its only about insects but on quite a few occasions he has gone away with work and found himself locked out of his hotel room because he was escaping from spiders. I have my own room now but I am still woken up by his noise and escape attempts! He very rarely remembers it when I ask him about it in the morning.

Original poster
mispolly · 08/09/2015 21:55

Shock that's so scary, I shall sleep well tonight!
Dh mostly just rambles about being late for work, it's only been on the odd occasion he's touched me like when he thought I was falling out of bed pregnant. He did pull me across the bed by my feet once though which was really scary.
Might make him sleep in his car tonight Grin

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Original poster
mispolly · 08/09/2015 21:59

There's an apartment to rent opposite us, WIBU to make Dh sleep there instead Grin

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Stormtreader · 09/09/2015 11:15

Theres a segment in a radio show from someone who has really bad sleepwalking acting-out-your-dreams. He was prescribed Dopamine to damp it down, and also advised to sleep in a sleeping bag with mittens so that he couldnt open the sleeping bag while he was asleep.

murasaki · 09/09/2015 11:25

Sorry it's so scary. DP sleepwalks but it's generally amusing (bar him wandering round a hotel in the buff - I realised he was gone and found him in the corridor, fuck knows where he'd been). Mostly he sleep eats, including chocolate in bed (I thought ahe'd shat himself), ice cream, and the infamous occasion when he filled a pair of his pants which were on the floor with pork scratchings 'to stop the elephants'. Which I was cross about, as they were my pork scratchings and I didn't want to eat them after that.

I worry that he'll end up on the street naked, but luckily his homing device seems mostly to lead to the fridge

murasaki · 09/09/2015 11:26

how he is still so skinny is a mystery to both of us

Babyroobs · 09/09/2015 12:17

My dh used to do similar strange things in his sleep although not as bad as your dh. I have woke to find him sitting up staring at me intently inches from my face, he once jumped out of bed convinced there was a giant panda peeping through the shelves and was once over by the radiator concerned about me as I had apparently turned into a sundried tomato and he was coming to rescue me!! I can laugh about them but it is also unnerving.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 09/09/2015 12:20

Have you ever videoed him? It may make him get some help.

Original poster
mispolly · 09/09/2015 16:37

No they never usually last long enough for me to video him, I usually wake up and my initial reaction is always to wake him up or get him back into bed but I might leave him next time and try and get a video. Brilliant idea about the sleeping bag! I might get Dh one!

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