To think some depression is incurable

[Shiningdew]

If someone won't take tablets and counselling or other therapy isn't an option, then what happens - do you just put up with it (for the record its me i'm talking about!)

Kitty, I'm so sorry about your daughter

OP, I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will quite possibly be medicated for life. When I'm not I'm somewhere between feeling as you describe, flat, detached, shit, and literally not being able to get out of bed. Neither is acceptable to me. When I'm on meds I feel good. I have my ups and downs like anyone but I get enjoyment out of life. Everyone deserves that.

Anti depressants aren't addictive, they're not like pain relief for example, where you need to keep taking more and more to get the same effect. I'm not trying to push drugs on you (!) just explaining that I hadn't realised I was capable of feeling this ok before I was put on these meds (took a while to get the right ones).

Have you got a good gp? They will at least be able to talk through options with you

Great post Pacific. Its not just the sadness and you can't always pinpoint a reason why you feel depressed, which is why being asked why you're depressed is so infuriating!

I was also diagnosed with Bipolar and for me the very best thing was CBT. I did fight against the diagnosis and eventually got it removed so that my GP could treat me. I had group cbt and then paid for private sessions. It really did transform my life.

I still have the odd phase where I need chemical intervention but I don't suffer with depression anymore. I second (third?) That exercise is fantastic. And (for me) it's very important to relax and sleep

I was depressed when I felt trapped in a life I didn't want.

As an example it could be caring for an elderly relative, there's no one else to step in. You are trapped.

This is with hindsight. At the time it didn't occur to me what was wrong. So are you 'trapped' in a situation you cannot avoid (for physical or social reasons), OP?

You clearly want to get better because you wouldn't have posted if you didn't. That was a brave first step.

Depression is like any other illness, it can be severe, mild or anywhere in between. You don't have to be suicidal. I have not been suicidal despite suffering from crippling depression at times. The trouble is, the illness distorts everything.

There are lots of support threads on the mental health section of this site and i think there was a thread about battling depression without medication if you are really against it.

Certain types of anti-depressants are addictive but they are generally not used now. The ADs used now are not addictive, although you can't stop them suddenly, its not addiction and stopping them over a couple of months is fine. There are often side effects when you first start taking them, they can range from feeling a bit nauseous to fucking horrendous, some people have to try a few different meds before they find what works for them. But most people don't struggle too much and they tend to go after a week or two.

The majority of people put onto ADs are on them for about six months so its not always a long term thing - like you say, you are not suicidal, so thats good, it might just put you in a place where you can think more clearly and find strategies to cope with whatever it is that is causing your issues.

Keep talking to us OP, so many of us have been in similar situations. It isn't hopeless

I also have a diagnosis of bipolar 2. I go through episodes of psychotic depression where it's very obvious that I have no choice but to take meds.

However, there are also the bouts of mild depression where the sadness, feeling flat and exhaustion seem normal. I sometimes find it harder to deal with this than the severe episodes as you still have to keep going with normal life--maintaining a facade of happiness. So, yes, I agree with the PP that the idea that this is 'you' and can't be changed very much reminds me of being depressed.

It's only when I start to feel better that I think 'oh yeah, this is how I'm supposed to feel.' As shit as depression is, the feeling of being 'alive' again, of feeling light and happy 'just because' feels like a miracle. For me, meds are a life saver--literally, but they also let me have a life rather than just existing

Thank you :) such lovely supportive comments. I don't know - I feel like maybe I'll feel a bit more like tackling things at some point perhaps. I did have counselling last year, from August through to Christmas and it helped in some respects but hard to say if it actually made me feel happy -
I am not sure it did; perhaps I'm not able to really feel happy.

I really think that is your depression talking.
We all have the inate ability to feel happiness.
When we cannot it means our serotonin receptors are either damaged or not working.
It can be helped.
Honestly.
X

I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and can't take AD's. My Doctor who is fantastic, which makes a massive difference informed me there are 3 types 2 of which aggravate my migraines and the 3rd turns me into Zombie which is too dangerous as I'm a singe parent, imagine child not getting to school, forgetting I had the cooker on etc. I tried Talking Spaces CBT but concentration and feeling numb rather that thinking bad stuff. I'm waiting for counseling but it's a long wait.

I've recently started admitting to people that I'm struggling and asking for and accepting help. I've spent the the last 10 years pretending to be Superwoman and many people are surprised and shocked but very very supportive and learning that people do care and are willing to help has made a massive difference.

I've lost my job due to this so money worries are a big trigger at the moment but a cry for help last night (Didn't want to be alive anymore) has resulted in full cupboards, my normal reaction to that would be guilt and shame but believing friends did it because they care makes me feel loved and less alone.

Meditation is the reason for my change in attitude. I listen to positive reinforcements whilst I sleep and although I wake up most mornings not wanting to get out of bed I tell myself that today will be a positive day and force myself to do things even when I don't want to and that helps. I congratulate myself for what I do accomplish rather than beat myself up for what I don't, eg. my stairs have needed hoovering for a week now but my washing basket is empty and if some days all I can manage is making sure my lad is in school fed and in clean clothes that's ok.

I have found since accepting that a magic pill isn't going to cure me and finding ways to live with it has helped.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it is possible to manage without pills but in all honestly if it wasn't for my son I probably would have killed myself by now. You need a reason to fight this horrid illness and accept it is nothing to be ashamed of and being brave enough to ask for support

I refused to take tablets for years. Apathy is a very common feeling - I didn't actively want to die but I wouldn't have cared if I did. I didn't care what happened to me, didn't bother trying with anything because after all, what was the point.

I had an eating disorder that I used as a coping mechanism. Never got ill enough to require hospitalisation but got to the point where I knew I couldn't carry on with it any more. Then I just muddled through for about 3 years - I did a lot of voluntary work with people less fortunate than myself as I thought it might help and it did to an extent. Plus it got me out of the house a few times a week. Started exercising more. Eventually (and I don't know how) got the confidence to apply for a new career. It was something that I was so enthusiastic and passionate about that I really wanted it and found the motivation to do it. I still had depression lingering in the background but it wasn't as bad.

Last year I had a crap time personally which made me realise that perhaps I hadn't dealt with it like I thought I had. I felt so bad that I practically begged my GP to give me drugs. I was surprised at myself as I'd resisted taking medication for over 10 years but something inside me snapped and I thought I can't live like this any more, I've got to do something. And you know what, I'm so glad I did despite the side effects and having to switch about with them as they have helped me so much and I wish I'd started taking them years ago. That said, I think you need to reach that point where you think enough is enough, or at least some people do before going down that route. If this is a fairly new thing for you, that could take a long time or medication may not ever be for you.

FWIW I would try all the other options first - meditation, getting out more, exercising etc. and seeing if they make much difference.

I think it's important to point out that finding the right medication is definitely a case of trial and error. It can take a few goes before finding one that works. That's just the way things are and anyone going down the medication route needs to be aware that it's quite unlikely to be a 'quick fix' at all.

Therapy can be helpful if you have underlying emotional triggers or to help with unhelpful ways of thinking. Im not sure it's that helpful for the exhausted, drained, numb parts of the depression, which in my experience is very biological and only helped by medication.

I had a very similar type of depression as yours. Apathy, detachment and just unending sadness about everything from day to day. I suffered from this for 15 years through my teens and 20s but didn't seek treatment as I didn't realise that feeling like that wasn't normal. When I was 25 something bad happened to me and I ended up going to the docs and being put on 20mg of citalopram.

It was all I needed and I stayed on it for two years before coming off the meds. Whatever chemical imbalance I had has gone (I'm 36 now and the depression has not recurred).

They were genuinely a cure for me. The only way I can describe it is that my life was grey before and now it's bright yellow. I still have bad things happen to me, but I can always see a way out of them now. I would urge you to try medication. I feel so grateful SSRIs exist.

I've had depression and anxiety problems for the last 10 years and have tried 6 or 7 different medications, CBT, CAT, DBT, counselling, vitamin B supplements etc. There have been two episodes where I went months without leaving the house, and many days spent staring at the wall because I didn't have enough focus or energy even to watch TV or read. I keep taking the tablets but I don't think they help me a lot, I just go in cycles of feeling better and worse.

I'm currently well enough to be functional and have a full time job, but I still have a lot of bad days and if I was offered a chance to somehow be dead without causing grief to my family I would snap it up instantly. This is the closest to recovery I have come in the last 10 years.

If it carries on cycling and I go downhill again without ever reaching "normal", I know it will be fatal - I will not survive another episode like the last really bad one. I wouldn't put a dog through that kind of misery, and I don't think I could force myself through it again knowing that even if I recover to a functional state I'll just be waiting for the next crash. I'm perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life on AD's, or even attend therapy once a fortnight for ever, if it means actually recovering and feeling normal. So far that hasn't happened.

My Fil is depressed. Has given up on life. Thinks everyone is out to get him. Won't drive his car in case random strangers drive him off the road or the police lock him up. He refuses to believe he will ever feel any different. It ends up with us doing everything for him because he doesn't want to be helped. It is exhausting. He keeps refusing to take his meds too, despite us telling him he must do it gradually. If we didn't run round after him making sure he's eaten and got food in he would starve himself to death. He's here now and I've read some of your comments out to him. He doesn't believe things will ever get better. He's not even seventy yet. We can't do this for the next twenty years.

I don't burden other people at all so I don't know really what's with the last post?

Sorry I probably didn't explain it very well. I was reading out some of the posts on here to him and getting the same negative response as always. He doesn't want to be helped, although he does want to be made a fuss of and pandered to, he's a narcissist and used to the world revolving around him. I appreciate you can't help being ill but it was the refusal of help that struck me. If we don't help him he'll neglect himself so unless he goes into a care home he is now our responsibility for the next decade or two. He's just putting up with it and by default we have to too.

In still lost as to the relevance of a narcissistic elderly parent to my own situation but - erm - thanks.

I don't tell anyone how I feel; no one would be interested anyway so I keep on and smile and laugh and mask it all.

I'm talking about my feelings not my actions.

Adorabelle, that sounds horrendous for all of you. My DP is depressed and is not motivated to do anything about it, but he's still fun, mostly upbeat, pleasant to live with and takes an interest in others. I get very frustrated sometimes that he seems to have accepted the depression as just a part of him, but its absolutely nowhere near as oppressive and miserable as your situation with your FIL.

Do you really feel he would neglect himself to that extent or is it just something he threatens to keep you both in line? Narcissists are incredibly manipulative

I think if you have been miserable for 20 years then it's more likely you have a personality disorder than depression. The only way to help personality disorders is prolonged CBT and accepting you can choose to stop thinking so negatively all the. Time

Thanks Lotta. The Op struck a chord with me in that she seems to accept the inevitability of it all and that's just how Fil is. He thinks that's the end of his life. He can't understand that some people have depression and yet have to go to work and do the shopping and care for their children. I don't know how much longer we can just put up with it.

I'm sorry I couldn't offer any help Op and I wish you all the best.

Sorry for the slight diversion OP...adorabelle I think the situation with your FIL has skewed your whole understanding of mental illness. I've read some of your other posts elsewhere & thought this before.

OP--it's the easiest to thing for strangers to point out signs of depression. It's another thing to realise yourself that 'putting on a face' is not 'normal.' Its as exhausting as depression itself. I've sometimes felt relief when my mood has really crashed because I no longer have to pretend.

You can cure it alone with no help, I have done it but when something bad happens you over react and go from 100-0

I manage my depression with medication. I've had various free counselling over the years but never got that much from it. I live in a country with free prescriptions, so thankfully don't pay for my meds (other than through tax which I do pay, I work f/t).

But I do not feel in my case it's curable. It's manageable, but I still have bad periods where it takes over again.

Thinking of you op

I haven't got an understanding of mental illness. None of us have. I think dh thinks he's doing it on purpose. We've never experienced this before. We're all learning as we go and when I see a thread about a similar thing I want to look for answers.

Sorry for the hijack Op.

Californian rocket fuel is the dogs b....
psych nurse with 20yrs history of bipolar I I with severe depression. This saved me. I work full time in a much sought after role and recently completed a masters. 10 yrs ago I left a very good profession and claimed jsa- the future was not bright and I had tried all sorts including antipsychotics. If you take venlafaxine above 150mg you get a dopamine affect as well as serotonin and noradrenaline- sadly most Dr never go beyond 150mg. Mirtazapine helped me get in a proper sleep routine. Both drugs helped me access psychological therapies and put me in the right frame of mind. If anyone wants a good psychiatrist I can recommend someone who Drs go to- pm me