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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry so much?

30 replies

prettybutclumpy · 07/09/2015 14:04

Hello all, some perspective on this would be gratefully received!

My DH and DS were talking about DS (9) sprinting the 100m along the pavement on the next street, as our garden isn't long enough. They were excited about this. I mentioned to DH that if DS was going to run fast, he'd better watch/listen out for cars coming out of driveways. The street is quite quiet, but with lots of driveways with poor visibility, and most people reverse out.

This caused an almighty row, as DH informed me that he thinks I worry too much about too many little things, that any accident wouldn't be serious as the car would be going too slowly, and more woundingly that I "suck the joy out of life" for him and the DCs.

I should add that I have had PND and periods off work with stress and depression since, and I do find myself quite anxious at times.

WIBU? Please be honest, but gentle (or is this the wrong board to ask for that?!)

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2015 14:05

You are perfectly sensible, sane and right to worry about cars in and out of driveways. Your H is an irresponsible arse and rude to boot.

Is there no park nearby where your DS can practise his sprinting?

Paddypaws3 · 07/09/2015 14:09

No, I don't think YABU on this occasion. Your concerns are valid, imo.

Goshthatsspicy · 07/09/2015 14:09

Well, l agree with you with on the driveway aspect.
Reversing cars, have caused dreadful injuries.
So you are not being unreasonable at all.

TenForward82 · 07/09/2015 14:22

Reversing cars don't always go slowly enough to not cause injury. There have been several cases where people have killed their own children by backing over them on their driveway.

He is being U. If your kid wants to sprint, take him to the local park.

Original poster
prettybutclumpy · 07/09/2015 15:13

Any opposing views? I'd like to show him this.

OP posts:
BrideOfWankenstein · 07/09/2015 15:19

YANBU. He can't expect that everyone will be reversing slowly.

CherylTunt · 07/09/2015 16:20

that any accident wouldn't be serious as the car would be going too slowly

That seems very cavalier Shock

Your worries about this seem justified. But is there any truth in what he says? I am a worrier, and have had to learn to bite my tongue sometimes and let the children be children. They need to take risks and learn to assess risk for themselves (in controlled situations, NOT by dashing down roads at high speed.)

MrsMummyPig · 07/09/2015 17:11

i think you are right to make your DS aware of the possible danger. I always reverse into my drive as visibility due to trees gate posts etc is rubbish and would be virtually impossible to reverse out safely but even driving out forwards very slowly I recently had a small child on a scooter appear as if from nowhere just as I had set off. A scary moment for both of us and also for his mum who was further up the street pushing a pram.

Spartans · 07/09/2015 17:16

Yanbu in this case. Reversing cars are a hazard. I would assume since he is a parent he is keeping an eye out though. No more dangerous than generally playing out?

But is he right? Think really honestly. There was a thread here where a woman's dh (who also suffered with depression) dragged the fun out of every converstation or situation.

My mum is the same. You can't mention anything without her coming up witha reason it's dangerous or you shouldn't do it. it is draining.

Is it possible he is right, and yjos conversation has pushed him over the edge?

partialderivative · 07/09/2015 17:17

Personally I think YABU, but then I find it far easier to tell other parents that they should ease up than to do so myself

Theycallmemellowjello · 07/09/2015 17:29

Yanbu, of course you need to look before running across a drive! No matter what the age of the runner. Nothing sucks the fun out of a good sprint like being squashed by a car.

feebeecat · 07/09/2015 17:32

Nope, I would've said exactly the same thing. If my dd was concentrating on her sprinting she wouldn't notice what was going on around her.
If I was wanting to support her in her sprinting, I'd take her to the local park, could have all the fun in the world there!!
Not wanting to worry you further but friend's sons fell off his skateboard whilst 'cruising' (there is probably a technical term for this) slowly down the road, hit head off kerb & ended up in intensive care. Speed does not necessarily need to be involved.

tiggytape · 07/09/2015 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MythicalKings · 07/09/2015 18:21

Another vote for he's a prick.

Casimir · 07/09/2015 18:25

I worry too much about too many little things, that any accident wouldn't be serious as the car would be going too slowly, and more woundingly that I "suck the joy out of life" for him and the DCs.
It is not just the running down the street is it.

junebirthdaygirl · 07/09/2015 18:30

A little boy was killed in this area as a driver reversed slowly out of her drive. Heartbreaking for his family and the driver. He was smaller than your guy and impossible to see. However it is a pain if someone always sees the danger in everything. My dh saw no danger and did every mad thing with our kids. They grew up with no fears. Left to me they would have been total non risk takers. You need to trust your dh that he has your boys best interest at heart and fathers are different to mothers and that's OK.

multivac · 07/09/2015 18:36

It's a pain if someone 'always sees the danger in things'. And it's healthy for children to embrace reasonable risk. But sprinting full tilt along a pavement punctuated with driveways and dropped kerbs? That's not 'reasonable risk' - that's fucking stupid.

tomatodizzymum · 07/09/2015 18:38

I think you need to let him asses the risk, but it is a risk. My husband takes risks that I wouldn't and I accept that he is not me and that difference is good for the DC's.

On the other hand...you "suck the joy out of life" for him and the DCs"....accepting that everyone is different to yourself goes both ways and so does respect!!

Original poster
prettybutclumpy · 07/09/2015 22:00

thanks everyone. Now to talk to him about it...

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 07/09/2015 22:07

My brother broke his arm as a teen when a slow moving car reversed from a drive into him. He was lucky that was his only injury.

chompybot · 07/09/2015 23:28

My children scoot to school on the pavement everday, I am not sure how that differs from running? They know to keep an eye out for any cars reversing out of driveways, I would hope that by 9 a child would have some common sense about these things. Also they are a bit taller by that age so easier to see out of a rear view mirror - it's my 3yr old I worry about as cars wouldn't be able to see her.
However it was still a very rude way for your DH to talk to you especially in front of a child, he could have chosen his words more carefully.

I am a worrier too, I get quite anxious, my DH does get frustrated but he is used to it, he doesn't get angry, generally he just reminds me to try and enjoy myself. He has learnt that he can't 'fix' my worrying, it's who I am! We'll sit and talk through any particular worries, he knows that just dismissing them doesn't help, but him being supportive does help. And sometimes there are positive sides to it (i am very organised as I hate forgetting things).
On my part, I have had to learn to bite my tongue, it's not always good to say everything I am thinking! I am trying to come up with ways to de-stress myself.
Are either of your parents a worrier? My mum is, which is where I have got it from. It kind of helps to know why I am like this. Sometimes my mum's worrying drives me mad - she is worse than me - and DH says 'now you know how I feel!'
So in summary, my opinion - I think you are probably worrying too much about the running (without knowing your street it's difficult to judge), but your DH was out of order to speak to you like that.

chompybot · 07/09/2015 23:36

Also just read your post again and you mention you've had PND and depression, your DH presumably is aware of this, so definitely not on to speak to you like that. Even if you do worry too much, in your mind those fears are real, and it's no good someone just saying 'worry less' as our brains don't work like that...

chompybot · 07/09/2015 23:43

Also I was just reading this thread the other day about stress and anxiety - worriers are not alone: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2459389-How-do-you-stop-being-stressed?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=thread%2Bstress%2Badvice

chompybot · 07/09/2015 23:54

My last comment (honestly I am going to bed now!) is that giving him the benefit if the doubt, it was a heated row and we all know things get said in the heat of the moment we later regret, so hopefully he has apologised by now and you can talk it through. I hope...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/09/2015 00:12

"Nothing sucks the fun out of a good sprint like being squashed by a car."

This sums it up for me, really.