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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed by friend changing DS's name?

77 replies

Booboostwo · 07/09/2015 09:54

DS (1yo) has a name with a popular short version so we call him by the short version, let's say Chris. A friend assumed Chris comes from Christian and called him that, so I politely said "Christian is a lovely name but actually DS is called Christopher".

I thought that was the end of that, but the friend has spent the last year calling DS Christian. I have told him I don't like it, he won't stop, I have asked him how would he like it if I called his kid by another name and he said that was a wonderful idea, etc.

Yesterday was DS's birthday party. As we sung happy birthday the friend shouted 'Christian' over the whole group. He also went to another mum who did not know the origin of DS's name and told her a whole story about how we chose Christian because of a film, complete with quotes.

I am about to shout at this guy next time he does this and have asked DH to talk to him first as he is primarily his friend and he may get through to him. DH says he doesn't see the outrage, I am exaggerating and should let it go.

OP posts:

lorelei9 · 07/09/2015 12:16

Urbane - that's so rude.

OP - I would give this guy a wide berth, he sounds a really nasty piece of work.

Random interesting point. My name is not English. it's not hard to pronounce if you try. I have had the odd rude numpty say "Can i call you xx" and I just say "yes, if i can call you Bob when your name is Alex, fine". It gets the point across but I think usually what makes them realise they are being rude is the racist aspect.

I think it would be interesting for both OP and Urbane to say to their so-called friend "would you disrespect my child's name if we were from a differnet country?" These people are trying to get a rise out of you, just being nasty for the sake of it. I bet they would be too PC and too nervous to take the mickey out of a foreign name IYSWIM. It might help get your point across....though I would say such people aren't worth bothering with.

PurpleDaisies · 07/09/2015 12:22

What would happen if you took him aside and had a calm but firm conversation where you told this friend that your son's name is Christopher and you don't want him to call your son Christian any more because that isn't his name and you don't like it?

PurpleDaisies · 07/09/2015 12:23

Posted too soon- with the ultimatum that if he doesn't respect what your son is actually called you will stop seeing him?

Isetan · 07/09/2015 12:24

The question isn't 'why is he being an arsehole?' but "why are you entertaining this arsehole?'

Stop hanging out with him and inviting him to stuff, result!

PeppaWellington · 07/09/2015 12:30

Is he 7?

If so, tell his mummy and don't have him over to play again.

Obviously he is a strange person, and socially very immature. How and why is your dh friends with him?

On the subject of your dh not seeing your point of view - he is your dh, he shouldn't need to understand and agree with your point of view to respect your feelings. Not on something like this, anyway.

I think you need to rename this friend and constantly urge him to consume something he doesn't like. Such as humble fucking pie.

wowfudge · 07/09/2015 12:30

Proper weirdo isn't he? Is he jealous of your relationship with your DH in some way and is therefore out to belittle you? I think it's time for your DH to have words with him and for him to be excluded from gatherings and not entertained again unless he stops this really odd behaviour.

wizzywig · 07/09/2015 13:04

Tres odd.

RaspberryOverload · 07/09/2015 13:17

This is really odd, and he's got a problem with you for some reason.

Your DH also needs a prod, it's long past the time when he should have had a word with his "friend". And if he doesn't see the outrage, then OP, perhaps you can go round and keep calling your DH by a name that isn't his for a while. He'll get irritated by it and maybe begin to understand.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/09/2015 13:25

He's enjoying winding you up. You can't reason with --dickheads- people like this.

I know someone who is constantly saying I'm from Birmingham. I'm not - I'm from nearby but not Birmingham. He knows it riles me so he says it all the more. The more I object, the more he does it.

If you find a way to get your dickhead friend to stop it, do let me know. I suspect completely ignoring it is the only way but fuck me it's hard!

Thumbcat · 07/09/2015 13:27

I wouldn't spend time with him. But if I had to I'd change his name to dickhead and use it frequently. I'd explain that I felt it suited him perfectly and that I would only be referring to him as dickhead from now on.

Littlecaf · 07/09/2015 13:42

That would really piss me off. Why is he being such a child? Does he have children himself?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/09/2015 13:44

I am guess that this is not a "friend" but your BIL?

judgelionelnutmeg · 07/09/2015 13:45

Doesn't fancy you, does he? In my experience this pathetic, childish winding up often has a basis in desire!

iamanintrovert · 07/09/2015 13:49

Stop spending time with him.

Rarity08 · 07/09/2015 13:58

Don't invite him to any more birthdays, just don't see him, sounds. a bit of a bully. Not someone you want round ds.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2015 14:03

Also, if your DH thinks it's all perfectly fine and humorous, then I'd be changing his name to e.g. Knobby as well. See how he likes it.

Inertia · 07/09/2015 14:11

Stop having anything to do with this friend- he's doing it to wind you up and any reaction is fuel to the fire.Just don't have anything to do with him.

The one you need to start calling by a different name is your husband, as he thinks you're making a fuss out of nothing. If he complains, tell him he's exaggerating.

badg3r · 07/09/2015 14:13

Why are you even friends with him?! Next time tell him to stop being a prat. In front of whoever is there. And stop inviting him to anything. If he asks why, tell him honestly that you dont like him because he intentionally winds you up.

diddl · 07/09/2015 14:19

So your husband isn't at all bothered that his friend doesn't care enough about him/his son to use the correct name for his son.

Why is he friends with suh a twat?

And of course the fact that said friend deliberately winds up his wife!

Is he scared of him?

Original poster

Booboostwo · 07/09/2015 14:37

I am a bit annoyed with DH as well. When I asked him to raise the problem with his friend he told me he was not feeling the outrage (WTF? Is DH on MN?), that he had a nickname when young and it did not bother him (ironic as DH has a hated middle name and as a kid was known to end up hitting children who taunted him with his middle name) and that I was looking to pick a fight with the friend.

We are friends with his whole family, his wife is lovely, kids same age as ours.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2015 14:41

Ahhhh there you are then. Time to start calling your DH by his hated middle name until he "feels the outrage" (I echo your WTF?)

Ask the wife if the friend has a hated middle name too. IN fact, can you not talk to the lovely wife and see what the fuck is Dick's problem?

AngelBlue12 · 07/09/2015 14:44

A friend started calling my DD (no 4 not pfb) Vezza as a short for her name - after a couple of times of me saying please don't call her that I said that if she didn't stop it I'd never talk to her again! She stopped and we are still very good friends.

LyndaNotLinda · 07/09/2015 14:47

Oh god, not easy to extract yourself if it's family friends. I think all you can do is what Maisie suggests - tell everyone he's always too drunk to remember that Christian's called Chris. And just take the wine and wander off and put it down somewhere or just don't drink it if you're in a restaurant and there's a wine glass in front of you (assume you have another glass with something in it). Basically, remove the wind up by ignoring it or take the piss out of him in return.

In my experience, people like him have a very thin skin.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2015 14:57

I've just thought - he's an arrogant prick, isn't he. He's basically telling you that YOU don't know what YOU want - that the name YOU picked for your DS isn't as good as Christian, and that YOU not drinking wine is because you don't know how good it is. In other words, you're not fit to make your own decisions, and HE is here to show you the right way.

Arrogant prick (again). Tell your DH that his friend is an arrogant prick and why. And maybe ask his wife why he behaves like an arrogant prick towards you and your DS. You could just go all out and call him an arrogant prick to his face, come to think of it.

Hellocampers · 07/09/2015 15:18

Mmm hard one.

I think it's a case of you are the only one seeing him for what he is and your dh and his wife etc see him as a laugh and can't understand your irritation.

You need to get tougher.

As soon as he uses the wrong name correct him loudly and firmly in public and ask him why don't you use dss real name? Are you stupid or just want to irritate me? remember loudly infront of his wife.

Over the wine well that's easy throw the glass in his face and tell him if he won't listen to you then that's the only option.

Thirdly you really need dh to have a word. If it irritates you that much then it should be important to him.

My guess is he either fancies you or your dh. Take your pick.

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