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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by friend changing DS's name?

77 replies

Booboostwo · 07/09/2015 09:54

DS (1yo) has a name with a popular short version so we call him by the short version, let's say Chris. A friend assumed Chris comes from Christian and called him that, so I politely said "Christian is a lovely name but actually DS is called Christopher".

I thought that was the end of that, but the friend has spent the last year calling DS Christian. I have told him I don't like it, he won't stop, I have asked him how would he like it if I called his kid by another name and he said that was a wonderful idea, etc.

Yesterday was DS's birthday party. As we sung happy birthday the friend shouted 'Christian' over the whole group. He also went to another mum who did not know the origin of DS's name and told her a whole story about how we chose Christian because of a film, complete with quotes.

I am about to shout at this guy next time he does this and have asked DH to talk to him first as he is primarily his friend and he may get through to him. DH says he doesn't see the outrage, I am exaggerating and should let it go.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 07/09/2015 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PunkrockerGirl · 07/09/2015 10:14

He's a dick and he certainly wouldn't be welcome in my home any more.

SoupDragon · 07/09/2015 10:14

Start calling him Bunty.

Or rather call him Cunty and when he asks what you said, say Bunty.

RabbitsarenotHares · 07/09/2015 10:15

I don't think YABU at all, with any of it. I could, maybe, see him wanting to have his own pet name for your DS, but lying about what his name is to someone else is pathetic.

As for the wine, if he tries that to you again I'd have no problem suggesting you throw it over him (assuming there's no danger of staining something important - his clothes don't count!). He might, maybe, get the message you don't want it then.

(Reminds me of the time my sister and her husband tried 15 minutes telling me I needed to buy some certain books from The Book People. I kept telling them I already had them all, but they didn't listen, and just told me again how much I needed them. In a way I was most disappointed not to get one for Christmas, as I was planning on sending it back to them!)

BerylStreep · 07/09/2015 10:18

zzzz loving the water spray idea!

DH has a friend a bit like this who is just a dick. We have dropped him and see him only very rarely when it is unavoidable.

If you can't drop him, just don't react, at all to him. He wants a rise, he will get bored if he doesn't get it.

TendonQueen · 07/09/2015 10:19

He's not your friend, he's enjoying being a wind up merchant. Don't invite him to anything else or to your house. If your DH insists on being in his company he can go somewhere else for it and deal with the guy on his own.

If when you do see him he persists with the wrong name for your DS, I'd call him the wrong name back each time. Try to think of someone he looks a bit like but that's an unflattering comparison (eg Boris, George Osborne etc..) and call him that but not his name each time. 'How's Christian today?' 'He's just fine, Boris' or whatever.

And if he tries to give you wine, just say 'No thank you' and repeat exactly that as many times as you need to. Don't justify why you don't want any, this is grist to the mill for people like this as they like to argue you down. Shut the dialogue down instead.

Celerysoup3 · 07/09/2015 10:21

Stop spending time with him.

Original poster
Booboostwo · 07/09/2015 10:35

I like the spray idea...might fill it with cat piss!

OP posts:
Floisme · 07/09/2015 10:44

As others have said, he does it to get a reaction - and by the sound of it, you give him what he wants every time. If you blow up or get your husband to have a word, he will think he's hit the jackpot.

He's your husband's friend not yours so just avoid him as much as you can and when you can't, Ignore, ignore, ignore.

FarFromAnyRoad · 07/09/2015 10:46

WHY are you spending time with this person?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2015 10:46

Oh and if your DH can't see that his "friend" is being a dick winding you up, then you need to give his head a wobble as well!

TheRealAmyLee · 07/09/2015 10:50

He sounds like a total idiot.

go down the PA route of "oh bless... are you still confused about Chris's name? (Snigger) I expect you'll get it eventually (pat his arm while suppressing a smile).

This ^ is pure evil genius. Do this. He deserves it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/09/2015 10:51

Stop having him around.

MrsMook · 07/09/2015 10:58

Our friend tried giving Ds a short version that we didn't appreciate. We avenged him by doing the same with his Ds whose name fitted very nicely into an annoying chant. The novelty wore off rather quickly.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 07/09/2015 11:01

I thought by the op, you were going to be one of these pretentious people - 'my son is called Christopher, but all his school friends call him Chris, that's not his name!'.

Yanbu. You're 'friend' sounds like an obnoxious, attention seeking child. Some very good suggestions here, personally though I'd just not have him around. No visits, no allowing him in your home, nothing. If he asks why, just tell him he's a disrespectful twat, and you no longer tolorate his behaviour. Until he grows up, he is not welcome around your family.

NoMoreRenting · 07/09/2015 11:01

We had something similar at the first nursery dd went to. Her name is Elizabeth but she has always been Lizzie. Nursery decided to call her Beth. Poor baby DD was very confused. Nursery worker was the boss and kept saying she didn't understand the fuss as Beth is also short for Elizabeth and I can't control the shortening. I moved her.
But, I posted about it on MN only to be told that,
A) she was correct, I cannot chose the shortening even on my baby.
B) a couple of posters even posted to say IWBU because Beth is much nicer than Lizzie Hmm
Feckin MN! Just a bunch of argumentative harpies! Grin

NoMoreRenting · 07/09/2015 11:03

Sorry, meant yo add that your 'friend' is a self absorbed idiot. Jam the foot on his foot next time he dares to visit.

NoMoreRenting · 07/09/2015 11:03

door even

CassieBearRawr · 07/09/2015 11:07

God he reckons he's hilarious doesn't he? Does he look around when he's done it to check who is basking in his glorious wit? What a tool.

skyeskyeskye · 07/09/2015 11:26

My DB used to call my DD a silly nickname. As she grew up, she didn't like it and one day she told him that it upset her and he stopped doing it. It was a shame that it got to that though, but when I tried to tell him not to, he just laughed at me.

I am not precious about my childs name, it can be shortened and I have no doubt that it will be by the time she gets to secondary school, but at the moment she is known by her full name as it suits her.

YANBU. and I am Shock at the PP whose nursery called their child a completely different name. if a child is known as "lizzie" then that is what they should call her, not decide to use something different!! The out of control thing is when their peers decide on nicknames for them, not by grownups!

Your friend sounds like a complete knob. Don't invite him to the next birthday party. and next time he offers you wine, say you are sorry that he has such a bad memory, but you still don't drink it!

DonttouchthatLarry · 07/09/2015 11:35

Just start calling him 'Dick' Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2015 11:41

Oh yes, please do that

SoupDragon · 07/09/2015 11:49

Or, given the nature of what he is doing, call him Richard.

EduCated · 07/09/2015 11:58

Singing over everyone else at the birthday party? That's just fucking weird.

UrbaneFox · 07/09/2015 12:07

My son gets this ALL the time! Let's say his name is Geoffrey (but it's not). Everybody from teachers to his friends' mothers to neighbours just calls him Geoff. Notes home, birthday cards, invitations............. People have told me to my face that they don't like the full name so they'll call him XXXX