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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP says I'm having an emotional affair...with mumsnet

33 replies

AtSea1979 · 06/09/2015 20:38

I found out DP was messaging another woman, an old friend he hadn't seen in ages. He had told her private things, then likened it to me on MN!

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 06/09/2015 20:38

Seriously??

Nightstalker · 06/09/2015 20:40

Well... If you have told private things to mumsnet then he is right (if that was all he did)

SonnyNoChance · 06/09/2015 20:40

Dickhead. Him not you. LTB

fastdaytears · 06/09/2015 20:41

No no no shouting into an Internet void is totally different. It's not the sharing of private stuff (IMO) it's the intimate bond that you build when you share with someone. Not the same when you share with 500 bored and slightly tipsy strangers.

CasualJersey · 06/09/2015 20:42

I don't think it is the same
There's a difference between sounding off to strangers and confiding in a real life person that may or may not have other interests
He's a knob

twirlypoo · 06/09/2015 20:42

How bloody dare he minimise his behaviour like that! are you ok? Flowers

BastardGoDarkly · 06/09/2015 20:43

Yeah, he's talking bollocks, and doing some hard core deflecting.

Did you read the messages?

Lweji · 06/09/2015 20:44

Was he complaining about you? Telling her how great she was? Telling her things he hadn't told you?

But, yes, it's possible you're having and EA with MN. How did you feel when Jeff attacked?

mellowheart · 06/09/2015 20:45

How can he liken anonymous posts on MN to messaging with someone he actually knows. There's no comparison.

fastdaytears · 06/09/2015 20:46

Just when you think you've heard all the deflecting lines.

Stay strong. How are you coping?

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 06/09/2015 20:52

I guess it depends on what the private things he told her were, whether he was doing so in secret (although you saying you 'found out' suggests he was) and if you discussed the same or similar things here. Still, speaking to an internet forum is not the same as speaking a person you know.

ScarletRuby · 06/09/2015 21:14

Was he just chatting and confiding to an old friend, or do you think he's up to something?

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 06/09/2015 21:42

I'm beyond angry. Just numb now.

OP posts:
annandale · 06/09/2015 21:45

Um. If your dh feels neglected by your time on Mn, that isn't unreasonable in itself. Reacting by getting in touch with an old friend is a poor idea but again isn't totally unreasonable, we all need something to moan about.

A friend tonight has listed all my old usernames to me... it isn't as private as all that on here.

Lweji · 06/09/2015 21:47

What exactly are you angry about? What were the messages like?

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 06/09/2015 22:46

Moaning about me, usual cliches.

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Fatmomma99 · 07/09/2015 01:03

The point about MN are that they are strangers who don't know you. It isn't personal (although lots of the threads are) but they don't know all the details.

If I post on MN "my DH is a wanker" I'll get a load of comments. Some may be brilliant, but a lot will be projecting their own stuff, depending on the info I give them.

If I tell my friends Fatmomma's DH is a wanker they'll give me RL experiences as to why and why not is his or isn't.

These are TOTALLY different things and should not be compared.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 07/09/2015 02:40

He's wrong, it is not the same.

He knows this and is deflecting.

Sending derogatory messages about you to a friend from the past is disrespectful and he needs to get to the bottom of what's his motivation.

That's pretty hurtful behaviour Flowers

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 07/09/2015 19:09

He packed his things. He left this morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 07/09/2015 19:09

My first day at a new job and he left ten mins before I was due to leave the house.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 07/09/2015 19:11

I'm so sorry. How are you doing?

An ex ended a long term relationship on the second day of a new job for me, so I know it's shit. Had nowhere to live and had to try to keep it together in front of a hundred strangers in the office.

ImperialBlether · 07/09/2015 19:14

What a lovely man. He's really looking out for you, isn't he?

I think you'll find there's more to that relationship he was minimising than meets the eye.

Hope it didn't ruin your first day at work and that you make good friends there.

Flowers
AnyFucker · 07/09/2015 19:23

It might not feel like it now, but you've had a lucky escape

Looks like he wanted out but was too cowardly to tell you the truth so made up some stupid argument

Well done for not falling for it

Where has he gone...right round to hers is it ?

Lweji · 07/09/2015 19:26
Sad It looks like you were right about him, but better finding out earlier than later. Try to think positive. New job, new start.
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 08/09/2015 00:47

I spent my evening alone, did some digging and aside from the one he messaging I found out he slept with someone in a few months ago.

My new job was great thanks. Staff are lovely so I think it will help my confidence there. Obviously I played my best poker face at work and until I tucked the DCs up. Instead of tears I turned to angry. Now I'm just indifferent. Or maybe numb with shock either way I am better off just me and my DC.

OP posts: