To be sad that the meaning of gift giving has been lost (certainly amongst my family and friends)?

[N0numbers]

As we come to THAT time of the year, parents, siblings and friends have all said to me that as everyone has so much stuff they aren't going to do any gifts this year for birthdays or C and don't want any in return.

Not one of them gets that I find it sad that I can't give them a small token of my love, appreciation of them etc or because I see something that I think they would like or want (not necessarily need)?

If I was to still buy gifts they would be offended and embarrassed not to have anything in return so I can't just give.

Maybe I should just be grateful that this will be an incredibly cheap year gift wise.

But I don't see gift giving as the materialism I see it as the symbolism am I sad to think that this seems to be dying out? Especially in this day and age where we are so busy this little token can last all year as you think of the giver as you use / look at it.

AIBU to be sad at no gifts?

Yab a bit UR be so 'sad' about others not wanting to give you anything. A small, cheapish token to me would just end up as tat I really don't want. Spending time with people means more. Your family has explained they have stuff going on, and that's fair enough.

I really struggle to afford Christmas and I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do this year. I will be giving v small pressies. So I sympathise with your family.
Instead of giving Christmas and birthday presents could you give them little gifts as and when you saw something they liked? Sort of unbirthday presents!

I'm more sad at the I can't give anything, as opposed to the not receiving.

Oneday - I'm sorry you would see a small token (I never said cheap) as tat. In previous years I've given an annual cinema subscription, a charm for a bracelet, magazine subscription (of magazine the recipient already read), chocolates. So not stuff that fills the house.

Friends are a combination of funds but more are just don't want to do gifts.
Family just don't want to do gifts no funding issue.

Amy I would love to do the unbirthday idea but I fear they'd just think I was odd.

Sorry I thought you meant stuff like candles, frames or just stuff that would collect dust.

Your small gift sound lovely, I think it could be due to them maybe not being able to afford reciprocating.

I actually think I'd feel sad if all my friends and family decided they weren't going to give me any presents any more. I think it's up to them if they don't want to receive things though!

Oh no I don't do dusting avoid dust collectors!!!

Christmas is such an expensive time of year. With everyone having kids too it's a lot. For example, let's say you have a sister who has a partner and 3 kids. That's 5 presents already.
Christmas is more about children anyway. Don't give them gifts, it will make them uncomfortable.
I don't think the meaning of gift giving has been lost at all. It's just that unfortunately we don't all have the money to buy so many people gifts. Personally the gifts for my own children will come first before anyone else's.

What about birthdays Reubs?

Wouldn't you be sad if your kids got nothing from their grandparents but more importantly you had no one to teach them the enjoyment of giving? How much nicer it is to give than to receive?

let's say you have a sister who has a partner and 3 kids. That's 5 presents already

not necesarily - i might just get the DCs a tube of smarties each, and a something for them all to share main gift, like a game or a couple of DVDs. Or if I can afford to, something they need like new PJs each for the DCs and just a small token gift like chocs or wine for the parents.

OP if you want the pleasure of giving but your family really don't want gifts, why not donate to the many appeals for gifts for the needy, the housebound elderly, womens refuges etc. There are plenty of people who won't get any gifts and a small something wrapped with love, even from a stranger, means so much.

I asked that no one give me gifts anymore. I don't need anything and would rather meet up for a drink and something to eat with my friends than get a 'thing' for them.

Phanto that is a fantastic idea. I will look into that.

OP, I'm on your family's side of the argument tbh, but that doesn't make it 'right' so YANBU to feel sad while recognising that not everyone agrees with you.

Wherr

I'm struggling to understand why you seem to feel quite passive-aggressive about giving presents. Look at what you've said - present-giving is all about you, and your desire to express love or friendship in a way you are heavily invested in, but which your circle has specifically said they no longer want to do.

You may think your presents are thoughtful, welcome, non-cluttering etc etc but your recipients may not. Or maybe they do, but aren't prepared to continue engaging in time-consuming/expensive gift exchanges or chains of reciprocation. If you see love as heavily bound up in gift exchanges, I suspect you might be the type to get upset with a cheap or generic present, because that spells lack of love to you...?

As someone else said, if you love giving, there are numberless charities/food banks who need things on the run up to Christmas.

Similar to phanto's idea. You could give your family charity gifts - a water pump/school uniform for a village in Africa. That type of thing.
That way you get the joy of giving.

OP this would make me really sad too. I was really upset when my siblings wanted to do "secret santa" style gifts rather than individual. I love Christmas shopping and my house is already full of scraps of paper with ideas about what people will want.
That doesn't mean that I can force a gift on anyone obviously but it's difficult. So excited to see an answer that keeps everyone happy.
I do think it's sad if kids aren't experiencing going out and choosing gifts for granny etc as I think that is a part of building relationships and thinking about other people's likes/needs.

Interesting post Stormcoat, certainly made me think.

It truly is the giving and since Phanto's idea I've been looking at charity sites but seems I'm a bit too early as at the moment they all have donations for cash only, not collection points although I've read they had them last year so hopefully will this year.

Maybe I am making it about me, but i am sad others have dictated what I can't do. I think stating I will not give you a gift nor can you give me one is sad. Particularly parents/grandparents, siblings less so friends.

If someone wasn't giving gifts and felt it necessary to state that that would be ok. But telling someone not to give gifts is the sad part.

N0 I completely agree. Someone said is very PA to give a gift to someone who doesn't want one but I'd have thought just as PA to ban someone from giving you a gift?

Sorry, N0, I think I sounded more condemnatory than I meant. It's just that your title says you're sad your family and friends have 'lost the meaning of gift giving' - it's not THE meaning of gift giving, it's YOUR particular meaning of gift giving they aren't subscribing to. They are basically saying 'express your feelings for me in some other way, I don't want it done this way', and you sound like you want to insist on doing it your way, despite their explicit refusal.

It's a bit like deciding that, because you like baking for friends, you'll forcibly cram handfuls of cake into the mouth of someone who has told you they are on a diet, because it's their favourite and you like going to all the trouble of making it.

Maybe check with your local church or ask local food banks about Christmas iniatives?

Well, no one can actually enforce a ban on being given presents, so I suppose all they are really saying is 'Look, I'm not going to be exchanging presents this year. I'm not giving any, so please don't get me one.'

Phantos idea is great - I've done gift bags for children in care before and I know that happens every year.

If you particularly want to do something for friends and family, could this be an idea?

henpicked.net/happy-alternative-christmas/

I don't like getting gifts unless it's something I'm giving myself.
I would love Xmas to be present free and just be about getting together and having a great time.

I don't mind it when people do nice things for one another or even if they get ad hoc little treats but the whole going out to specifically buy something leaves me a bit cold. I don't mind within my immediate family but I would rather not be involved in giving or receiving gifts otherwise.

BTW I'm not at all a mean person. I'm helpful and kind to my friends and I'll happily treat friends to coffees or lunches or whatever. I just don't want to Buy crap presents

A couple of years ago i would have felt the same as you OP because i used to love buying gifts. However over the last few years money has been tight and my family has gotten bigger.

I have A LOT of siblings who each have kids. Every month we have a birthday in the family. So every month i have to buy one or more presents for people. It has started to feel like another chore in my already stressed life.

Christmas is about the kids in my opinion. So this year i am only buying for the kids and my parents. That is it. I dont care if i dont get gifts. I dont have time or money to buy gifts for 20 odd people.

When I said Christmas is about the children I meant that to indicate it is them who would receive gifts. My family didn't have a lot so as children we would make presents for family members for birthdays and Christmas. Personally I think that is more meaningful and good for children. In fact as adults some years we've made presents for each other.