To not want to spend time with these friends any more?

[MrsRossPoldark]

Just come home from a bbq with a group of DHs old college friends. Over the years we have seen each other every couple of months and seen each other's kids grow up & listened to each other's lives.

I am now at the stage where I feel we have nothing in common with them any more. They are all rich, beautiful homes, lovely clever children, 3 holidays a year, fancy cars. We have been so left behind but I consider us comfortably off. We spent 2 wet weeks in Scotland as our only holiday this year & I felt this acutely tonight that they have no interest in hearing about our holiday when they can all exchange stories of drunken nights in San Francisco & how one couple can't wait to nip to Spain for a(nother) week away from children. Their kids are all fabulous skiers (we don't ski), they all regularly go on holidays together to which we have never been invited.

I feel I'm just there because I'm married to one of the college gang but even he has nothing in common with them any more.

AIBU to feel I'm just wasting my time making myself feel miserable, insignificant and unsuccessful and I should just stop meeting up with them? I left earlier than DH (came in separate cars as we'd both been to different places before the bbq.) saying I wanted to get DS3 to bed early as he is competing in an athletics event tomorrow (which is true), but in truth partly as I was so bored of listening to their fantastic lives and how dull we are.

Anyfucker: always there with the short answer! Love you!

However it doesn't stop my feelings of insignificance. I feel frustrated that I haven't done anything with my life, I'm married to an arse and we don't have a social life so are looking forward to a lonely retirement. Just added to the feeling that I am being left behind / dropped by everyone I counted a friend. Even my best mate has now had 4 super job offers, goes on holidays with groups of people to which I have never ever been invited and is constantly posting about all the parties she's been at for other friends 50ths that- guess what - I wasn't invited to. And yet when we are together I don't by the way the feeling I get on her tits or that I am so annoying she's not willing to invite me to anything.

There's no feeling of animosity. Can't explain why I feel so muddled. What is the definition of friendship & have I been misunderstanding it all my life?

I don't know I'm afraid but I hope someone else can provide an answer for both of us. Why are you now saying your husband is an arse?

"Anyfucker: always there with the short answer! Love you!"

ahem I also write the exact same sentence 2 posts earlier, but as I am not a MN celeb guess my opinion isn't shit? sorry OP but this really fucking annoys me when I see this. people always do this on here - and if you are AF are best bosom buddies from years back I take it back

makes me wonder why I bother

whatevs- wishing you the best

I may be way off the mark MrsPoldark but I'm getting the impression you're quite down on yourself and that could be part of the reason you struggle with friendships. Being around someone who considers themself a failure is draining. You may be giving off the impression that you don't want to be invited to things or that you won't enjoy them. Unless people are utter arseholes (and really there aren't that many arseholes in the world, when it comes down to it) people don't deliberately exclude, they just tend to gravitate towards others who energise them and make them feel good. You can have a great social life but you have to make it happen - you have to invite people to things, organise things, make yourself available etc. It takes effort from you.

mrsrosspoldark, i often thinkthat too, what makes somebody my friend, what makes me their friend, because I think when we're together that we're getting on well. I'm intuitive and I can tell if somebody is trying to get away from me, so I'm not blind to these cues. I can tell when somebody is happy in my company, but then, like you, I feel excluded, or at least, rarely INcluded. I put it down to being single though. As in, the sky would fall down if there were an odd numbrof chairs around a table, or I dont have a man to talk to their man. My colleague said to me recently 'get a cat'. Thanks. That was his advice for me. No way! I want to go out.

Fromparistoberlin73 : just because I don't reply to each individual post with exactly the same response, doesn't mean I'm ignoring yours! Just recognised anyfucker from other threads. TBH you sound like the sort of person I'm trying to avoid. Way more sensitive than me even.