Hi ladies,
I've been with my DP for just over a year now, and he's absolutely fab, and we're very much in love, but the sex? It's nonexistent.
For the last 3 months, I get lucky about 2 times per month (with me initiating everything). We moved very seriously quite fast, and it's seems as if we have indeed been together for 10 years (and that's not just because of the lack of sex lol). Within 6 months, I moved in because I had to move out of my family residence due to immediate family issues, and it suited as lovely to just have our place together.
There's never really any arguments, he is fantastically caring and my family love him to bits. My issue is the sex, and it's got to the point where I'll turn over and sob myself to sleep sometimes.
One thing to mention is that I'm aware he watches porn frequently, which I know is having a huge impact. But in saying that, a friend of mine says her partner of 5 years doesn't stop watching it yet is on her like a rash every night?!
I feel so unwanted and unattractive, despite compliments from others. Before now, it was usually 2/3 times a week of fulfilling, and I was happy with that number (even though I could have sex every night if the opportunity presented itself).
I cannot see how things have just become all too familiar because I'm adventurous in bed and willing to try anything!
I've tried speaking to my partner about this, and he just says he does get aroused but just can't be bothered when it comes to it. I suggested perhaps that he should stop watching his porn and he said "I'll try" (he didn't).
He isn't under any significant stress at the moment for him to lose his mojo, and he works half the hours I do. I know there isn't anyone else, because not only do we share phones/iPad know all each others passcodes etc, I'm either doing Family related things with him or he's working (never late, always on time and smelling of his working conditions).
Last night I had enough and was prepared to just solely give him oral, I done this spontaneously and 5 minutes in he said "You had enough yet babe?" I was shocked and hurt, but again, tried not to show it too much.
I would perhaps be more understanding if he was older, because men's drives can really go down, but he is 21 and I just feel so sad that a young couple such as ourselves has such a lack of sex.
2 weeks ago I had MC (we weren't aware I was pregnant), and he was wonderfully supportive and really emotionally sad and there for me, but he honestly couldn't see what the fuss was about (he didn't say that, but I knew quite clearly that he didn't understand). It's safe to say the MC didn't affect him one bit, which is fine, but I know my partner and I know if something is wrong so I can hand on heart say there aren't any 'unresolved feelings' towards it. I would say that perhaps the MC had something to do with lack of sex but it's only been 2 weeks since I lost my baby and this has been going on for 3 months.
AIBU to sit him down and say enough is enough, you need to either stop with the porn and make more of a sexual effort or I just can't do it anymore?
The thought of leaving him makes my heart come into my mouth but I just can't live like this anymore. I wanted to ask opinions because I know sex is an extremely sensitive topic to bring up and I don't want to startle him.