Ex / friend and New gf. how to stay friends

[Seasidelove28]

In short. I had a fling, very short with a bloke I knew. It wasn't there. The chemistry.
But we got on great as friends. Stayed friends for 4/5 years with no sex but then a drunken fumble.
Was massively akward, didn't talk for mths. He then got a gf & we went back to friends, never to talk about the drunken fumble.
Fast 4ward 2 years and his gf now doesn't want/like him having anything to do with me
Then 6mths later he confesses his undying love (to me)

Can this ever go bk to just friends?? Shall I try and be friends? Shall I cut contact??
What about his gf?

cut contact and run, there's no going back from his declaring his undying love. to maintain a friendship is cruel on him and his gf

As I thought I should also add his confession came with him admitting he'd changed my name in his phone 6 mth ago and had been lying to his gf about seeing/communicating with me.

Crikey, no - run away as fast as you can! I say that as someone who employs one of my ex's (our foreman) I think it requires very clear boundaries which have to be set in stone and never broken.

You could get past a drunken fumble whilst both single.

You can't get past "undying love". He doesn't see you as just a friend and he never will.

It's hard.

Too late to have the convo and set boundaries?

Really hard, I really value him as a friend

If he has feelings for you, he's already crossed lots of boundaries. Maybe years in the future, when he's over you, you could be mates. But not now. It'll only end up causing both of you pain, as well as his partner.

If u like him as a friend u need to let him go so he can move on

Thanks for advice,unfortunately just reiterating what I already knew

You've done nothing wrong. It's horrible when this happens. I've lost a friend in the same way. You just have to move on

Yep!! Pass the wine

In fact... I've had this happen twice :)

Life was made easier with time and distance. It's not fair because you feel like you just want your friend!

But life isn't always simple.

More :o

It does suck, and makes you feel very uncomfortable, but it does get easier

Never simple, do I say this to him or just avoid??

One of my ex male friends declared the same when I was going through bumpy patch with now dh (no previous romantic/sexual past). Unfortunately I knew for my relationship to survive with dh I would have to stop being friends with male friend, made easier by the fact he was so embarrassed that he kept his distance after declaration

I just went with avoiding. Anything else can be interpreted as interest.

I did tell him when this all came to a head that I didn't see him that way

Then you've said all you need to say.

But he just txd the next day friendly like it had never happened. I would rather avoid but we are/were close I don't know if he'll just stop contacting & get the message or turn up demanding answers

Would it be totally wrong to send him a message saying I can't/won't be friends with him anymore ?

You could say "look, now you've declared feelings we can't be friends like we were. I wish you well, but I need time and distance and I hope you can respect that"

Then if he pushes it, you know he doesn't and didn't respect your friendship the way you did.

Done

Can't believe I didn't see this coming

This is horribly sad, that you have to lose a good friend

I don't really have any advice, but I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Thanks

The message I sent him hasn't gone down well