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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would this wind you up?

58 replies

Dieu · 04/09/2015 10:33

Morning all. Had a fairly trivial but annoying situation with my ex husband this morning. Long story, but he regularly sees our children round my place, as it's better/easier for them, as he lives further away. I'm not particularly happy about it, but will live with it until we divorce later in the year, and can formalise other access arrangements.
Anyway, children and I recently got THE most gorgeous pup. He's lovely, but like most pups do, will do the odd pee on the floor. I have now taken away his puppy pads (his use of them was hit or miss anyway!), and am taking him outdoors to do his business.
This morning when ex was round, he did a pee on the floor even after being taken out by myself. Ex husband waited until I was back in the room, and pointed out the pee, for me to clean up. He says every time 'your dog has peed'. Then he asked (sarcastically no doubt) when he was going to be housetrained.
I replied that I wasn't his only owner (although I do the bulk of it all of course , and that the children are able to clean up after him too. Our 14 year old is very good but was out at the time, and he seemed shocked that I would ask our 9 year old to clean it up
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that if ex is round our place, it wouldn't kill him to muck in and grab a piece of kitchen roll himself?
To be fair, he made it clear from the outset that he didn't want anything to do with our dog (walking him, looking after him, etc). This is absolutely fair enough, but the situation of him smugly pointing out the pee and not doing anything about it, is winding me up.
AIBU? Thanks.

OP posts:

ouryve · 04/09/2015 10:36

I think you're being over sensitive. It is not your ex's dog.

AuntyMag10 · 04/09/2015 10:39

Yabu, it's not his dog.

MammaTJ · 04/09/2015 10:39

I get that it wound you up but I would not expect someone who is essentially a guest in my house to clean up after my pets that have nothing to do with them.

Yes, he could have asked your DC to do it. I do think that people sometimes do not realise that a 9 year old can do things like clear up, they are very good at hiding how capable they can be! My own pretty good DP is guilty of this with our DS, who is 9 tomorrow!

He was actually dressing him until about 18 months ago, when I was not hear and DS was letting him!

I agree he is trying to wind you up, the best thing to do would be smile sweetly, ask one of your DC to do it, or do it yourself!

Hassled · 04/09/2015 10:39

Unless he knows and likes dogs, expecting him to get some kitchen roll and help clear up someone else's dog's pee is a bit unrealistic. I don't know or like dogs especially, and I'd be reluctant.

greenribbon · 04/09/2015 10:39

I dont quite understand. It it a shared dog with your ex?

Seriouslyffs · 04/09/2015 10:40

The boundaries are blurred enough with him coming round- it's good he's not grabbing kitchen roll! But yes, grr that he's choosing that boundary rather than key holding/ making himself a cup of tea or whatever.

notaprincessbutaqueen · 04/09/2015 10:40

yeah YABU. its your dog not your ex's, why should he clean it up?

morecoffeethanhuman · 04/09/2015 10:41

Yrbu I'm afraid, would it be nice if he grabbed the mop - sure! But u really cant expect him too. He's ur x/doesnt live with u/isnt his job!

TobleroneBoo · 04/09/2015 10:42

Sorry I think YABU. You are split up and it sounds as though your new addition came after the split. I would be more annoyed if somebody who didn't live with me started cleaning my home tbh

Original poster

Dieu · 04/09/2015 10:42

Okay, thanks all, maybe I have been unreasonable. It would have been good just to have him pitch in a bit if I'm not actually in the room at the time.

OP posts:

Theycallmemellowjello · 04/09/2015 10:42

Ugh no of course you can't expect someone who isn't the dog's owner to clean up a dog's urine! And I'd be pretty shocked if a dog peed in the house - I've never had dogs and didn't know it was normal. I reckon letting the 9 year old clear it up is ok though IF they have been very well versed about washing hands thoroughly and the dangers of animal urine (blindness etc).

HamaTime · 04/09/2015 10:42

YABU. It's not his dog or his floor. My friends ex used to come over to see the kids and spend half an hour doing a massive shit in her en-suite - that would wind me up.

QuiteLikely5 · 04/09/2015 10:42

Yabu. Your dog. Your mess to sort.

CakeNinja · 04/09/2015 10:43

Your dog, you clean up after it.
I wouldn't clean up after anyone else's dog ever (I hate dogs!) - sounds like it's not really working out with your ex coming to yours.
Also, I don't have animals but is 9 an appropriate age to be wiping up piss? Maybe, although the closest thing I can liken it to is asking my 9 year old to clean up after her potty training brother.
I wouldn't do that.

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2015 10:43

I think YABU about him failing to clean the pee up when he's told you he doesn't want anything to do with the dog.

The fact he told you to do it in a smug way rather than asking one of the kids (presumably they were there too) to me looks like he was trying to get a rise out of you. I'd be irritated but try my best not to let it show. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Toughasoldboots · 04/09/2015 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/09/2015 10:44

I might not clear up dog pee under those circs either, although if the dog was showing signs of needing to go out, I would at least let it out.

However, he could have told one of the children to clean it up if he didn't want to - it's their dog too!

So you're both being unreasonable - he shouldn't have to clean it up, but he could easily have asked the children to do it rather than waiting for you.

TheAnswerIsYes · 04/09/2015 10:44

YABU. It's not his dog, why should he clean up after it.

Toughasoldboots · 04/09/2015 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morecoffeethanhuman · 04/09/2015 10:45

Oh and my DD1 was 5 when we got out pup, she would put some kitchen roll over a wee (so it wouldn't spread but she didn't want to touch it) and come tell me. Now at 7 she cleans the tortoise out by herself - kids are more than able and gives them a good sense of responsibility :)

shiteforbrains · 04/09/2015 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntyMag10 · 04/09/2015 10:48

How precious that 9yo kids shouldn't be cleaning up mess. What exactly will happen to them.

MammaTJ · 04/09/2015 10:49

I don't have animals but is 9 an appropriate age to be wiping up piss?

I had a 9 year old when I broke my ankle badly in three places. I had to have a bed downstairs and was not even allowed to bum shuffle up the stairs to the toilet. I rang social services to ask for help, being a single parent. They told me that at 9 my DD was old enough to put a meal in the microwave, put a wash on and put the hoover round and empty the commode that had been brought in for me to use.

I like to teach my children independance but I drew the line at that.

I do think that a quick wipe with some kitchen role of a small amount of puppy pee is fine though, as long as they have been taught to hand wash afterwards!

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 04/09/2015 10:54

I don't think that dogs urine can cause blindness

Maybe if you concentrate it and rub it into your eyes with a scouring pad?

Costacoffeeplease · 04/09/2015 10:55

I was picking up dog poo, cleaning up vomit and pee from about 8, why on earth would a 9 year old not be capable?

And yes, YABU to have thought your ex would do it, your dog, your responsibility (kids included). Why should he pitch in? Not his circus, not his monkeys

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