Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More wedding

73 replies

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 04/09/2015 09:22

My daughter was a bridesmaid at the weekend. The bride wants the dress back in case her daughter ever wants it.
I want to put it away to keep as a reminder (we don't know many unmarried people she wont be a bridesmaid loads).

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
FairNotFit · 04/09/2015 10:44

Poor form to ask for it back, but you can't really refuse.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/09/2015 10:45

If she paid for it then she's allowed to ask for it back. But you could offer to pay her for it and keep it.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 04/09/2015 11:03

Iv never understood brides that ask for things back. Surely you buy the bridesmaids the things as a thanks for their help and contribution towards the wedding. my bridesmaids helped me and I'd never dream of asking for them back. They were blush coloured, embellished one shoulder, chiffon maxis and iv seen one of my bridesmaids has worn it on two occasions since.

If she bought it tho I suppose you do have to do what she wants but it is stingy and tacky. What kind of dress is it. What age is your daughter and her daughter?

MaxPepsi · 04/09/2015 11:05

She wants it back to sell it, not for her daughter to wear.

NerrSnerr · 04/09/2015 11:10

Just give it back. She paid so it's only fair.

Runningupthathill82 · 04/09/2015 11:18

If she paid, it's really hers to do what she likes with it - sell it, give it to her daughter, whatever.

I would not have minded at all if my sister wanted to sell on the dresses she bought for me and the two other bridesmaids. In fact it might have been quite sensible to do so,they weren't cheap and will get minimal wear!

Purplepoodle · 04/09/2015 13:24

I resold all my bridesmaid dresses - got a wee bit more than I paid for them. Helped recoup the money we had spent - bm were a little put out but honestly who want a to keep a flouncy bm dress - mine were full skirt varieties

ollieplimsoles · 04/09/2015 13:30

Yabu, bride paid for it its hers.

ihavenonameonhere · 04/09/2015 13:32

Give it back. I am a right hoarder but still have no idea what to do with my bridesmaid dress from 30 years ago!

laffymeal · 04/09/2015 13:35

Why would you want to keep it as a "reminder"? That totally baffles me. You have photos don't you, and video footage as well probably.

How old is your DD, would she grow out of it, rendering it even more useless to you.

Give it back, it doesn't belong to you and it's of no use.

Original poster
0x530x610x750x630x79 · 04/09/2015 18:49

No other use at all, a very bridesmaid dress, i think she wants to ebay it personally.

OP posts:
Original poster
0x530x610x750x630x79 · 04/09/2015 18:50

I am considering making her an offer.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 06/09/2015 11:55

If she paid for it you have to give it back.She may want to sell it,but that's upto her.Weddings can be so expensive they may need to recoup some of they're money back.

HermioneWeasley · 06/09/2015 12:01

Why would you want to keep the dress?! Presumably there are pictures of your daughter wearing it at the wedding? Why do you need the actual dress?!!!!

And who cares if the bride wants to eBay it - it's hers! She paid for it!

msgrinch · 06/09/2015 12:04

Of course you must give it back! It's hers not yours or tour daughters. If she wants to eBay it good on her.

pinkyredrose · 06/09/2015 12:06

Why will.keeping the dress help you remember? Presumably there were photos and personal memories? It's a bit rude of her to ask for it back as it was bought for your daughter. Make her an offer and if she says she wants it for her daughter say you thought the dress was a gift for being bridesmaid not a loan.

AuroraTeagarden · 06/09/2015 12:09

Did she (the bride) not have her own daughter as a bridesmaid?
If I were you I'd offer to buy it from her if your daughter likes it so much.

PosterEh · 06/09/2015 12:19

Umm I disagree with everyone here. I would assume that a bridesmaid's dress for a child was for that child to keep unless the bride specifically said otherwise beforehand. That's always been my experience as a child, as a bride and as the parent of a bridesmaid.

Reubs15 · 06/09/2015 12:52

Yabu. The bride paid for it. Surely you'll have actually memories and photos? Most people don't get to be a bridesmaid loads anyway!

quietbatperson · 06/09/2015 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurBlanche · 06/09/2015 15:50

Ye gods! How things have changed.

BM dress belongs to the BM, forever, doesn't it? It's part of being BM, you get to keep a frilly dress in your wardrobe until, one day, it disappears or you turn it into something else!

I suppose it is another change made necessary by the inordinate amount of money spent on 'The Big Day' these days.

But give it back to her and wish her well flogging it.

passmethewineplease · 06/09/2015 15:53

YABU she's paid for it.

Not sure why you're so set on keeping it tbh. It's just a dress

Salmotrutta · 06/09/2015 15:56

How old is your daughter OP?

Is she a child still or a grown up?

If shes a child I can see why you might want to keep it for her but if she's an adult (or even a teenager) I don't know why a photograph of her wearing it isn't enough?

tableanadchairs · 06/09/2015 16:12

How utterly crass of the bride to ask for the dress back especially from a child. it sounds as if she is going to try and sell it.
I am such a bitch that l would give her it back with either a very noticeable rip or dirty big stain in it.
You just don't ask for a BM dress back. It's just wrong on so many levels.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 06/09/2015 16:18

I had 2 adult bridesmaids. I bought their dresses & shoes and they got to keep them. They could have done as ball gowns/posh dinner dresses.In fact one asked if I minded her wearing it as someone elses bridesmaid. I did not even know the other person and it was 18 months later so I didn't mind at all.

However, plenty of brides expect to sell the BM dresses on - weddings are expensive! Plenty of others hires the dresses and suits for their day.
If you had really been expecting to keep it, then offer to buy it from her, I bet she says yes.