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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working children living at home

39 replies

mumsgoingtouni · 03/09/2015 18:53

My son has just started working on a 24 hour part time contract but has been covering others so has been doing 40 hours a week. He's only just over minimum wage at the moment and will get a raise after three months. I've said he can keep all his wages for the first month to give him a headstart to buy clothes etc he needs for work but we need to work out how much rent he should pay after that. I'm thinking 20% but dh says he used to give his mum half his money!

So, can I ask, what's the going rate, percentage wise, for working children living at home?

OP posts:
BrownOwlWhoWasAfraidoftheDark · 03/09/2015 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntyMag10 · 03/09/2015 18:54

How old is he?

Original poster
mumsgoingtouni · 03/09/2015 18:56

Auntymag he's 20. This is his first proper job.

OP posts:
winchester1 · 03/09/2015 18:56

Our was always a fair amount based on a room in a shared house but capped at a third of your wage.

OwlinaTree · 03/09/2015 18:59

Well the more you take off him, the longer it will be until he decides he can live in his own place.

Do you need the money? Could he contribute towards food and then you encourage him to put some away every month towards a rental deposit or car or something to make him more independent?

BessieBumptiousness · 03/09/2015 19:03

I paid a third of my wage for board when I lived at home still. With my step-daughter, she paid £200pm but we put that to one side for when she moved out. Came in very handy for her when setting up her first flat!!

Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 19:04

Do you need to take money off him.

I wouldn't dream of taking money from my DS and he works full time. He is 19. I don't need the money. I am happy as long as he follows the rule of 'spend some, save some'

He knows the value of money before I get shouted down! He has had to budget to pay £4,500 car insurance and fuels, MOTs it himself.

Oysterbabe · 03/09/2015 19:07

I think sightly less than it would cost him in a houseshare. I like the idea of putting some aside to give back to him when he leaves.

SaveMeBarry · 03/09/2015 19:08

Well the more you take off him, the longer it will be until he decides he can live in his own place

Not sure about that, he could find it so convenient he decides there's no rush!

I think 25 to 30% is reasonable, 50 is too high unless you're badly in need of it. I don't agree with taking nothing as he's an adult now and learning to budget for rent, bills before fun stuff can be a bit of a learning curve.

Queeltie · 03/09/2015 19:11

The people I know who paid nothing, are the people who stayed at home the longest.

Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 19:17

The people I know who paid nothing, are the people who stayed at home the longest.
That's not necessarily a problem. Nor is it true from my experience.
Out of recent friends who haven't charged:
1 daughter has saved up all her money to go travelling and set off three weeks ago
2 DS has moved in with his now wife at the age of 23
3 DS left at the age of 21 to flat share
4 DS left two months ago to house share when he got a new job age 22.

I don't think that is so bad.
I'm not bothered if DS continues to live here for quite a few years yet. He spends most of his time at his girlfriends or at the gym when he is not at work and when he is here is good company.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 03/09/2015 19:23

Mine give me £100 a month each towards food and bills, it works out at about an eighth of what they bring home.

Purplepoodle · 03/09/2015 20:03

Rule of 3rd - 1/3rd for bills, 1/3rd to spend, 1/3rd to save.

BlanketsAndBiscuits · 03/09/2015 20:08

Shock some of your DC had it easy.
At 16 I was on minimum wage, I had to pay £80 a week as well as doing own food shopping , working and attending college.

I moved our after two months Smile

tableanadchairs · 03/09/2015 20:13

DS is 24 and on a good wage for his age. He fritters cash away.
DH and l decided to take £250 a month off him for keep/washing/food etc. He doesn't know that we are actually saving this money for a deposit for him when he moves out. He has just started to realise that he needs to save and budget if he wants his own place. However he has decided to wait till after Christmas Sad
He is not happy at having too pay what amounts to less than 1/8th of his wages. i think he is just an ungrateful spolied little brat.
I am happy to have him living at home but he has to grow up and be a bit more responsible.

Trafalgar1805 · 03/09/2015 20:13

Mine pay £100 a month, earn about £700. But are expected to pay all other things for themselves, such as cars, insurance, clothes, holidays and social life.

QuiteLikely5 · 03/09/2015 20:18

I think you take what is fair. There can be no arguments that way.

Half would be absolutely wrong imo.

Take his food costs and a share of the bills.

Anything else is just making a profit out of your own child and I don't think that's right.

Original poster
mumsgoingtouni · 03/09/2015 20:58

He's an adult. The idea of a working adult living with parents and contributing nothing at all financially is bizarre to me. We will continue to pay the mortgage and bills, as we would if he wasn't here, but he eats food, uses electricity and lots of hot water! We don't need the money but even if we billionaires we'd expect our adult children to pay their way, and hope they'd have the self respect to want to do so. We have two other children not far behind him so if we don't take anything from him, we'll have to do the same with them.

It's just how much? We want him to enjoy his new found salary. Dh wants to take more than I do, but save some for the day he needs a deposit etc, without telling him we're saving it.

OP posts:
Sixweekstowait · 03/09/2015 21:31

It's being irresponsible as a parent IMO if you take nothing, or a token amount. It's got absolutely nothing to do with if you need it. With my dd, we sat down, went through the household accounts so she could see what our outgoings were and the cost of maintaining a home and family. We worked out a fair proportion of that which included food but she bought all her own toiletries, clothes etc. I think it was probably about a third of what she earned ( net) that she contributed. We didn't need the money at all and ( unbeknown to her) we saved it and she had it all back when she moved into her first flat. OP you are spot on. Why on earth would anyone think it was a good idea for an adult earning child to live at home for nothing?

FishWithABicycle · 03/09/2015 21:58

I'm with your dh op - go for a highish amount but save half of what you take secretly to give back when he needs a deposit.

maddening · 03/09/2015 23:11

Take 50% but put 25% in a savings account so he is unwittingly building a deposit

letmehaveyoursoul · 03/09/2015 23:13

I paid my parents £80 a month (2014) and they saved it and gave me it back to buy a sofa when I moved out

Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 23:16

It's being irresponsible as a parent IMO if you take nothing, or a token amount.
There are lots of ways of being irresponsible parent but not taking money from your kids ain't one of them!!

DS budgets fo his insurance, as I said before its £4,500 which seeing that he earns about £10,000 is a substantial amount, he saves up for birthday and Christmas presents and a holiday. There isn't that much left over.

Just to wind up some Mners I we still pay for his phone, gym membership, and pay for meals out for him and his girlfriend!

mandy214 · 03/09/2015 23:19

BIL moved back in with MIL after uni. Didn't take any money off him. That was 12 years ago. He is now 33 and is still there.

Floralnomad · 03/09/2015 23:23

What do you actually think you are teaching your DC by taking money off them but secretly saving it and then giving it back ? Surely it would just be better to say I would take x amount for keep so I expect you to be responsible enough to save that for your future . I didn't pay my parents anything when I lived at home and I am perfectly capable of running a budget , it's common sense and being responsible not rocket science .